"...teach them well and let them lead the way..."

I don't often quote Whitney Houston lyrics (although I have said--with a few beers in me--"Crack is wack" cuz that's one of the funniest damn things she has ever said). But while tending to the poinsettias this morning, I had a few hours to think about something my son said last night that blew me away.

Disclaimer #1: I am not a perfect parent. I have been blessed, however, with a very cool, smart, thoughtful child despite the many times that my "Mom of the Year" nomination has been yanked from my grasp by my own missteps. Ah-hem. I often feel like dropping to the ground, completely humbled, because his own little being takes me by surprise in some really astounding ways.

Disclaimer #2: It's hard to say whether my son's life is "typical" for his age. Many things tell me, "Um, no." But then other things tell me, "This is how it is and it is good." Often these two sentiments tug simultaneously at my heart. I work weird hours at weird jobs, he is surrounded by music, has lived in three states (he's almost 9 years old), etc. etc. He is also surrounded by so many people that care for him and his crazy mama that I am a firm believer in "It takes a village..."

Disclaimer #3: During this election season, I have worried about my son's quality of life as he becomes a teenager, young man, parent, etc. I don't know why it's nagging at me so much. Maybe because when he says things like what I'll describe below, I hope that the world will take care of him as diligently as I have tried to do.

So,

he's really digging this series of books called "The Diary of a Wimpy Kid" series. At first, the title made me see what the hell these were all about, but they are really well done (cuz the "wimpy" kid is the epitome of a nice, smart, creative, cool kid). They are a series of books with cartoons and the day-to-day thoughts of this kid who is probably around my son's age. And they're funny and thoughtful and quirky and all that. We went to my son's school's book fair last night because the author created a new book where the child reading the book actually gets to fill in the book, so my son becomes this kid and can make up stories. My son is all over this, and had his pencil out in the car ride home, filling in stories and stuff.

I also had to attend a wake last night, so I was gone for a few hours. When I got home, my son had been filling in some stuff in his new book. He finally goes to bed and begins reading, and I'm pooped and kind of still upset about the wake, and just want to go to bed myself. He says, "Hey Mom. Wanna hear some of the stuff I wrote in my book?" In my head, I said, "No. I'm tired." Out loud, I said, "Absolutely," and plopped down next to him to hear his various musings. He's going through some cartoons he filled in and gets to a "you fill in the blank" page. Funny stuff that boys like such as, "If I wake up tomorrow as an animal, I'll be a ________."

Then he says, "Oh, Mom, I think you'll like this one." He proceeds to read the following: "I officially predict that 10 years from now, cars will run on 'blank' not gasoline."

Me: Did you fill in the blank yet? (because he actually said "blank")

My son: Yep! Wanna hear it?

Me: Of course I do. Whadya come up with?

My son (clearing his throat): "I officially predict that 10 years from now, cars will run on music not gasoline." Big grin.

Me (stunned, looking at his big smile, eyes welling up, throat closing): Wow. That's a really cool idea, honey. (pause, clearing throat). Wow. Wouldn't that be cool if it ever comes true?

My son (without pause): Well, that WOULD be cool because gas is expensive, and music is free. And gas makes everyone stressed out and music makes everyone happy.

Me (still stunned, blinking back tears, about ready to lose my shit): Well, I think you are absolutely right.......


So, he's going to walk through our front door any minute now, and we'll hang for a bit before we hop in the car, I take him to grandma's, and I drive the 34 miles to work tonight.

Wouldn't it be nice if driving a car filled with music would get me there.....

The Poinsettia Whisperer

I have become a Poinsettia Whisperer. I will be the first to admit some skepticism about my own behavior sometimes, and have had to--in the past--reign in the extra cup of crazy that got thrown into my coffee on some days. So, I had my reservations about taking on another job during the Diss stage even as my little legs carried me straight to it on Day 1. It's a "McJob," in my opinion, and I don't mean that in any derogatory sense. It's just that I go into the greenhouse, I am told what to do and how to do it, I go home. All skills needed are acquired and then left at the greenhouse. Clean and simple. Me likey.....

Anyway, although I've been enjoying my Saranac Pumpkin Ales and getting crafty with pumpkin bowls (see post 10/13), the 7000 poinsettia plants at the greenhouse kindly remind me that the holidays are a-comin.' Yes, 7000 is the figure. No typos here. And holy candy canes are they temperamental little suckers (well, some are giant little suckers).

This relates to my Dissertation in several important ways (wow....that sentence sounded like it came OUT OF my Dissertation....see? The circle of academic life at its finest). I cannot sit in The Chair five out of five days while my son is at school and try to write all day. I am a sprinter more than a marathon runner, for sure. Those hours need to have some breaks and changes in them. The greenhouse job has forced me to be efficient. I have two full days to write, and three squished days to get all hell done (plus other jobs and Momertator duties). I am committed to writing/editing/reading/whatevering my Diss EVERYDAY and so far that IS WORKING. Which is unbelievable. I can write a page after this post, turn it to blue (see "seeing Red" post from June)for sure, and still make it to 7-eleven to grap a 20 oz. "Autumn Blend" cup o' joe for the day. Totally.

The greenhouse is gigantic...several different rooms, hothouses, the whole thing. Filled with perky, thriving and green poinsettia plants of various sizes and breeds. They are growing like mad, and each--as far as a I can tell--has developed its own way of using/abusing the water I pour into the pot. Some soak it up immediately and want more. Others lazily work their way through the water/fertilizer cocktail and wait patiently for me to check on them a few days down the road. Others droop immediately, lethargic like a snake after a good meal. Crazy little suckers.

As I walk through the greenhouses, hose in hand, I have to check EVERY PLANT individually for water treatment. For real. I am prone to talking to myself anyway (only child syndrome, for sure), and now I talk to them.

I'm talking to them about my Dissertation. In fact, I'm writing sentences FOR my Diss while gently swaying through the rows and rows and rows. I'm verbally revising things, asking myself (and the curious poinsettias) questions and working through the answers. Out loud. But quietly. Between the fans, the heater, the water, etc. I don't think any other workers can actually hear me, but one greenhouse veteran did ask me at lunch whether I had headphones on. I can only assume it's because he saw me chatting away merrily with my poinsettias. Without thinking, I responded, "No, why?" He followed with a slightly bemused look and a small nod.

I am the poinsettia whisperer. And I'm writing and watering like my life depends on it. Well, maybe that's too overdramatic....I mean, I can always change my Diss deadline, but my thousands of poinsettias have to be ready in one month. Time to get to work!

Music for babies

When I was pregnant, the "Mozart Effect" was in high gear both in the popular press and various strains of academia. Since the man who extracted this term from science and mainstreamed it for the rest of us lived in Boulder--and that's where I was enrolled for my Masters at this same time--CU Boulder LOVED the M.E. I remained skeptical.

So, I didn't play much Mozart in the air surrounding my growing abdomen but I played other music constantly. I remember really being into Miles Davis at the time, and Ozomatli, Dave Matthews, Pearl Jam, salsa bands, etc. etc. I guess I was experimenting with the general "music effect" rather than focusing on Mozart.

BUT, it wasn't that I wanted my soon-to-be-child to perform better on tests after listening to Mozart (the main theory behind the M.E.), I believed that all music draws some kind of physiological response in the body, so I was listening to what made ME happy in hopes that those good vibes would pulse through the chub o' love rolling around in my big belly.

The same theory applied to after my little son was born. His ears heard everything. And he seemed intrigued by it. I found myself--on certain days--hitting the "repeat-one" button (see blog from June) for "Hero of the Day" by Metallica with the San Fran Symph Orchestra, Bobby McFerrin's "Common Thread," Pete Townshend's mellow remix of "Let My Love Open the Door." just random songs that made ME feel better. Which made us feel better.

So, Saturday I hosted a baby shower for 9 women---one of which is VERY pregnant with baby #4, a girl. It was a surprise for her, and we just hung out, ate goulash out of pumpkin bowls (inspired by my days at the Greenhouse) and lots of snacks and desserts.

I made a "Lullaby Baby" CD for the little-one-to-be.....but mostly for her parents. My son knows almost all of these songs, and when we hear them, I tell him, "We listened to this one A LOT when you were a baby." So now, they are OUR songs. And I always feel better after listening to them.

Here is it. Feel free to comment or add a suggestion. Or try it for yourself! If you'd like a copy, shoot me an email:

Lullaby Baby CD

1. "Little Star"--Madonna
2. "Pink Moon"--Nick Drake
3. "Spiegel im Spiegel"--Arvo Part (violin)
4. "Glosoli"--Sigur Ros
5. "Song for the Boys"--Pat Metheny
6. "Let My Love Open the Door" (E. Cola remix)--Pete Townshend
7. "Sweet Lullaby (Ambient Mix)--Deep Forest
8. "Common Thread"--Bobby McFerrin
9. "A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall"--Ron Miles Trio
10. "Bron-Yr-Aur"--Led Zeppelin
11. "Sumiregusa"--Enya
12. "Any Other Name"--Thomas Newman
13. "2/1"--Brian Eno
14. "Spiegel im Spiegel"--Arvo Part (violin and piano)

Dont' get sleepy, now! A full week awaits us!

Home again

My trip to Madison was very productive and good. I'm glad I drove because it gave me a vehicle to scoot around that crazy isthmus at will. I met with four of my five advisers for the Diss, have a schedule, received the necessary inspiration-vibes necesary to complete this huge task, and reconnected with a place I once called "home." Nice.

I've said before (and often) that moving back to Buffalo would be an easier relocation instead of the alternative--find a place with a steady job, move there, and complete the Diss. And, in MANY ways, it was been easier. More importantly, it's been more satisfying, I think, than if I had just thrown my resume/CV into the national employment pot. It's a full life here built on many different aspects of living. Grad school was sooooo isolated and sooooooo insanely focused on school, which I guess it had to be at the time. Monochrome instead of tie-dyed, if you will. I told many people over the weekend, "I'm stayin.'" In Buffalo, that is. I have more opportunities here than anywhere else I could have gone, contrary to popular opinion. I'll make it work here somehow. I'm diggin' it.

The Diss defense is "scheduled" for sometime in April 2010. And holy fucking pumpkins do I have a lot to do. But, the good thing is that all my advisers are on board for my topic--music in Buffalo during the Great Depression, in a nutshell--and through all of my own worries and self-doubts, THEY have confidence in me to get it done. This is huge. It adds some momentum.

I also realized, while in Madison, that I have A LOT of support around The Buff as well, and maybe I don't always know it, feel it, acknowledge it as much as I should. As one of my piano student's moms said to me yesterday after telling her about the reason for the trip, "You have an interesting life!" And she meant it.

I do? I've had her words rattling around the ol' noggin for over 12 hours now (which turned into a dream of some sort, but that's already vague and fading fast). I do, me thinks. It's oddball as far as scheduling, unpredictable as far as income, and always in need of an explanation ("What is musicology"? is usually question numero uno). And, now I will be spending days careening my vehicle around this city to explore various archive files, historical societies, lost tales, hidden gems followed by countless hours trying to scrap a book out of this hearty collection of histories. *Gulp*

What will keep me sane (relatively speaking, of course!) is the fact that I'm here in Buffalo. I won't be able to do this without the people, places and things that inform my life here. No way. While it was fun to be in Dairyland (Wisconsin) again and to feel the energy of being on campus and whatnot, my energy has definitely shifted back to Buffalo, to this community and to the potential HERE. For all of us and for everything.

So, I still scan the nation's musicology job vacancies posted by the American Musicological Society, and I still have to work hard to push away thoughts of "Screw it! Get a real job!" that rear their cranky heads when I'm tired and overwhelmed by my own self. But I'm more confident that I have made the right choices. So, here I am, home again. And I'm staying put.

And, I love chicken wings, sports, and beer. I think that about clinches it.

getting ready for "Mad City"

When I get home this late from teaching (10pm-ish), it's hard to just plop down and fall asleep. I love teaching this Thursday night class.....the topic is engaging (ideology of Romanticism and music), the students are engaging, and I have to stay alert for the 45-minute commute to home. Tonight, however, I have to sleep because in a wee 6 hours, I will be driving to Madison with my little son to visit our former home and resume my "grad student" status. I have all Diss committee members ready for meetings throughout the next 5 days, I have sent a chapter to them all, and I have packed what needed to be nestled into my car prior to work tonite.

But, there is a VP debate on that I had to DV-R because of my work schedule, so here I sit, in The Chair, writing cuz I feel like it and because I won't turn on the TV to grab a sneak-peak at the spectacle currently on-air. I want the whole slew of events from beginning to end. No spoilers in these parts.

I haven't been to Wisconsin in a year. My son has a great friend (and subsequently a great family whom I am SO eager to see!) who lived on our former street. I loved my house there, with its own quirky post-WWII elements, its lovely street, its part of my memory of the single-mom-grad-student thing. It will be weird to drive by "it." Yes? But, these things happen.

Madison is a great city. "Mad City" in many papers and such. The Liberal Bastion of the Midwest. Etc. That's why I have to don comfy clothes and watch this damn debate because I certainly can't go to Madison unprepared. Holy canoli, batman.

Time to go. Wish me luck.