I attended the Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra last Saturday night. I've been thinking about it ever since. As I've come to realize, this singular event collapsed SEVERAL different threads and energies swirling around me lately. I think only by writing through them here at M(MotT) can I finally bring it all together. Ready?
I don't remember the first time I ever attended a "symphony" concert. I have had college-aged students attend such events for the first time ever as part of their grade in our course. Obviously, they would remember that. I don't. It was definitely before college, but I have no recollection of where, with whom, why, etc. It was not a common activity in my family, none of my close friends were into music like I was (meaning heavy private lessons, practice, performances, etc. as a kid)...I just can't recall. But, I love the sound of a live orchestra. As a pianist, I'm always astounded by the "group" element of an orchestra. My musical training was highly individualistic...practicing alone, performing solo, talking only to myself at the piano, etc. I could, alone, play the whole piece. It takes almost 80 musicians in an orchestra to perform their music, one line and instrument at a time simultaneously....Interesting that I can't remember my "first" professional orchestra concert.
I used to attend these events a lot, especially in Denver, but also in Madison. I loved it. Since moving back to Buffalo 1.75 years ago, however, I have not stepped foot into Kleinhans Music Hall for a BPO concert. Not a single one! Now, I can attribute this to all sorts of excuses--babysitters, cost, finding people to go with, negotiating downtown Buffalo (this is very lame as I love urban settings, but living in the 'burbs has made me wimpy, me thinks), and so on. Several concerts were very powerful--chills, tears, euphoria, etc. It's been too long since I participated in these experiences.
Classical "art" music has taken a back seat to my habits and hobbies since leaving graduate school and moving to The Buff. In fact, I have realized that MUCH of my music listening has taken a back seat as I have tried to resume/instigate a "normal" life 'round these parts. I teach piano lessons but don't practice much on my own. I teach about pop music but find my days steeped in silence while I write. I teach about classical music but rarely play it in my home (or, obviously, attend concerts). I think it but don't feel it. What the hell is going on with me?
I haven't gone somewhere alone in a very long, long time. I mean, yes, the grocery store, errands, all that bullshit. But like, an adventure on my own. And I attended the BPO alone. It was a last minute decision due to other plans being cancelled. My son was already at my mom's for the night, and I just suddenly remembered that pianist Andre Watts was performing Beethoven's Piano Concerto No. 5, nicknamed "the Emporer," with the BPO. I immediately hummed the main theme in my head and remembered that that piece is a MONSTER. And I love Watts. So, off I went. No child, no boyfriend, no one to take care of or deal with. Phone off. Just me. It was awesome.
BPO conductor JoAnne Falleta dedicated the performance of the Beethoven "Emperor" concerto to the victims/families/community affected by the Continental plane crash in Cheektowaga two weeks ago. Watts is an astounding, suburb and confident pianist. I'm really speachless as far as how to describe the 40-minutes or so that it took for the "Emperor" to resound through the hall. It was like I was transfixed, thinking about nothing and everything at the same time. It felt like I was in another world! I thought writing about it would help, but maybe the whole notion of "words can't describe it" applies here.
I saw this piece performed before in Denver. I can't remember the pianist, though (male, but the name alludes me right now). I did not feel the same way about that experience as I do about the one five days ago. And I think that's the point. I'm not the same person. I'm not negotiating the same things. And I'm not doing the same things and some of them--like striking out on more adventures and doing more things that I truly enjoy--need to be done more often.
I felt like an "Emperoress" walking out of Kleinhans the other night! Whoo-whee! There was power in that performance and it found me, someone who on that particular day and for all kinds of particular reasons, needed some recharging. I pictured Beethoven grabbing me by the shoulders, shaking me, scowling and shouting, "Wake up! Wake up! Stand up! Shout! Smile! WAKE UP!" It was wild. I can't describe it any better than that, I'm afraid.
And I hope I never forget it.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Idea Box
I have a handmade, woven wood basket box-like thing with a flip-up lid (how's that for clear and concise writing?!?! sheesh) that sits on the bottom right shelf of my desk where I am perched now. My mother bought it for me at a craft fair my senior year of high school (which was not recently), and in the midst of a renewed popularity of The Grateful Dead (thanks MTV!), a very artistic friend of mine painted a perfect, green Dancing Bear in the bottom right hand corner. I've taken it to every place I've lived since then. When I look down past my right elbow right here in The Buff, I can see the little guy smiling up at me and "dancing." It makes me smile, too.
I am a taskmaster, to be sure, making lists, checking them off twice, and so on. But, since childhood, I have displayed a keen knack for finding 92 things to derail myself from the task at hand from time to time. Usually, it's because of two different reasons (which often act simultaneously): 1. I find the task at hand undesirable at the moment and/or 2. something occurs to ignite inspiration for other interests which have taken a back seat due to the task at hand. Right now, both are acting in tandem, and my Dissertation is at risk, I'm afraid.....
I love writing and really love research. And I love naps. Academia is for me! But, my Diss is bringing me down (#1 above)--I'm over it, not excited by it, need to do something about it, can't figure that part out, and so on--and, in my little mind, (#2 above) The Diss is preventing me from other projects. Of course! And, (#2 again) the weather is warm, I can see grass and sidewalks, I can stand outside without a parka, and I'm ready to go to Home Depot, rent a roto-tiller, buy some compost and get my garden going (yes, it's going to snow by the weekend but SO WHAT!??! Such truths have no impact on days like today...)
It is certainly not willpower or anything noble about myself that keeps me linked to reality on days like today. No way. Instead, my Dancing Bear box keeps me tied to today's task (Diss writing) and in The Chair more often than not, and I hope it proves itself once again.
This box is my Idea Box. It is filled to the brim with 3x5 cards and scrap paper containing scribbled words, phrases, and incoherent babble that, throughout the years, have blasted into my brain simply to wreak havoc and derail me. For sure. I don't dare LOOK IN THE BOX AND READ MY CARDS because I might as well as just call my dissertation adviser and bid her farewell. But, those cards are there. And more will be added today. Too many ideas. Get them in the box. I have pages of "research" to do.
The idea of the Idea Box was mentioned to me loooooong ago, I think. Oddly, I can't even figure out where or by whom, to be honest. Self-help seminar? Not sure I've ever attended one (and therein lies the rub....ha ha). Mentor? Perhaps, but who? Did I just come up with this on my own? Doubtful. But I like the ol' I.B. because it DOES help me stay on task, it allows me to get my little thoughts OUT of my head but doesn't cut them off either. It just allows them to percolate together as dancing ditties under the lid.
But most of all, I like the potential of the Idea Box, the gaze it has toward the future, the momentum it holds inside. I've been feeling badly about my dissertation, and with it being winter in The Buff (still, and perhaps forever!??!), I've been in a funk. Totally. I feel like I'm on a treadmill led by Microsoft Word documents that is a never-ending loop going nowhere. I'm just running running running typing typing typing.....I am not foolish enough to open the Idea Box and get going on some new (and MORE EXCITING) project nor am I going to Home Depot to buy fresh gardening gloves for AT LEAST a month....but sometimes, like this morning, like 2 minutes before I starting writing this post, I must look down to make sure that it is still there and grab some new 3x5-ers. Yes, my green bear is still dancing. My ideas are still dancing......maybe I am still dancing. Even in The Chair.
Ok, back to work.
I am a taskmaster, to be sure, making lists, checking them off twice, and so on. But, since childhood, I have displayed a keen knack for finding 92 things to derail myself from the task at hand from time to time. Usually, it's because of two different reasons (which often act simultaneously): 1. I find the task at hand undesirable at the moment and/or 2. something occurs to ignite inspiration for other interests which have taken a back seat due to the task at hand. Right now, both are acting in tandem, and my Dissertation is at risk, I'm afraid.....
I love writing and really love research. And I love naps. Academia is for me! But, my Diss is bringing me down (#1 above)--I'm over it, not excited by it, need to do something about it, can't figure that part out, and so on--and, in my little mind, (#2 above) The Diss is preventing me from other projects. Of course! And, (#2 again) the weather is warm, I can see grass and sidewalks, I can stand outside without a parka, and I'm ready to go to Home Depot, rent a roto-tiller, buy some compost and get my garden going (yes, it's going to snow by the weekend but SO WHAT!??! Such truths have no impact on days like today...)
It is certainly not willpower or anything noble about myself that keeps me linked to reality on days like today. No way. Instead, my Dancing Bear box keeps me tied to today's task (Diss writing) and in The Chair more often than not, and I hope it proves itself once again.
This box is my Idea Box. It is filled to the brim with 3x5 cards and scrap paper containing scribbled words, phrases, and incoherent babble that, throughout the years, have blasted into my brain simply to wreak havoc and derail me. For sure. I don't dare LOOK IN THE BOX AND READ MY CARDS because I might as well as just call my dissertation adviser and bid her farewell. But, those cards are there. And more will be added today. Too many ideas. Get them in the box. I have pages of "research" to do.
The idea of the Idea Box was mentioned to me loooooong ago, I think. Oddly, I can't even figure out where or by whom, to be honest. Self-help seminar? Not sure I've ever attended one (and therein lies the rub....ha ha). Mentor? Perhaps, but who? Did I just come up with this on my own? Doubtful. But I like the ol' I.B. because it DOES help me stay on task, it allows me to get my little thoughts OUT of my head but doesn't cut them off either. It just allows them to percolate together as dancing ditties under the lid.
But most of all, I like the potential of the Idea Box, the gaze it has toward the future, the momentum it holds inside. I've been feeling badly about my dissertation, and with it being winter in The Buff (still, and perhaps forever!??!), I've been in a funk. Totally. I feel like I'm on a treadmill led by Microsoft Word documents that is a never-ending loop going nowhere. I'm just running running running typing typing typing.....I am not foolish enough to open the Idea Box and get going on some new (and MORE EXCITING) project nor am I going to Home Depot to buy fresh gardening gloves for AT LEAST a month....but sometimes, like this morning, like 2 minutes before I starting writing this post, I must look down to make sure that it is still there and grab some new 3x5-ers. Yes, my green bear is still dancing. My ideas are still dancing......maybe I am still dancing. Even in The Chair.
Ok, back to work.
Monday, February 2, 2009
The Boss and The Bowl
I've been reading all sorts of comments about the performance by Bruce Springsteen during the Superbowl half-time show last night. I sort of watched it live while at a party, and initially thought he did a good job. After reading the criticism aimed at The Boss this morning, I watched it again (I DVR'd it at my house), and really have to laugh at people who more easily criticize something to make themselves feel good instead of finding any merit in it. The latter can be more difficult as it is ALWAYS easier to just simply dump on something rather than look for positive attributes....for some wacky reason, finding fault in others makes us feel better about ourselves, doesn't it? So, to those who want to criticize Bruce for doing his thing yesterday, I just want to say, "Be quiet, you ninny. You didn't get it. You are really, really irritating."
I am not a huge Bruce fan, but I like him and most of his music. I've seen him live three times and enjoy his shows. I think Devils and Dust is an amazing, haunting and beautiful record. But, I could easily never hear "Glory Days" again and live a normal life, too.
So, to recap last night, Bruce played for 12-minutes: "Tenth Avenue Freezeout," "Born to Run," "Workin' on a Dream," "Glory Days." Bruce likes to be funny, goofy, and understands the spectacle of show business. He is a showman who often sings songs about heavy hitting topics ("Radio Nowhere," perhaps) just as easily he can throw down a stereotypical rock anthem ("Born to Run"). He's got a quirky sense of humor and creates a "show" around his show. Hence, the referee last night, his banter with Little Steven, the call to put down our chicken fingers and join the fun, etc. AND, what better spectacle to let it all hang out than the friggin' Superbowl. I have no complaints with his stage antics at all. If you do, lighten up.
And, no, I was not suprised nor disappointed that he didn't play "Born in the U.S.A." My opinion of the event would have changed significantly if he had, actually. At the party I attended last night, most people said they thought he would play it, should play it, and expressed dissatisfaction because he didn't. While I think that Bruce's songs--in general--and his continued alliance with the workin' man absolutely contain political overtones, I think many of us miss the dark irony in "Born," a song that is very CRITICAL of America in a sarcastic manner. It is not a cheerleading anthem to our greatness....and the fact that Ronald Reagan thought so and used it in his campaign (which Bruce protested) STILL cracks me up. Anyway, if Bruce had sung that last night, I would have been convinced right now that he really HAD lost it after all. Since he didn't, I am more confident that Bruce is a smart showman who understands his role as a musician much more than most of us can (I will say, however, that I am confused by the Wal-Mart thing. Very contradictory. I think he'll try to get out of it. But, AC/DC did it too and survived without a scratch.). Next.
Another criticism stems from the number of people he had on stage. Yes, it was a lot. SO WHAT? It was a party up there. Like it was everywhere. Next.
He had a gospel choir up there for two minutes, another factor that one blogger called "a sin." Ummm, the original/recorded version of that song HAS A GOSPEL CHOIR IN IT. Oh, and the fact that he slid that same song into the mix, "Workin' On a Dream" (which is the first track of his new record) was called "cheesy." Let me get this straight....according to some critics, a musical artist who has a new record out and is hired to perform on the biggest entertainment event of the winter CANNOT promote his new record? What the fuck?!?!?! Give me one good reason WHY NOT!!! Oh, and I guess he can't make it sound like it really does (gospel choir) for fear of being called "overblown"? It's the goddamn Superbowl. It must be overblown. Next.
I guess why I'm so cranky today is that lately, when I read criticism about music or even what kind of news about music makes the national news (thinking of Jessica Simpson here..."weight-gain controversy"...um, really?!?!?!) I feel that critics and fans do not actually talk about the music. So, I will....
The E Street Band sounded great. All cylindars firing. Tight, organized, comfortable, confident. Having fun. Smiling. Switched gears from song to song like a well-oiled machine. So, good.
"Tenth Avenue Freezeout" suprised me as the show starter, and it's not my favorite tune, by far. But, its lazy, bluesy, romping rhythm was perfect for Bruce to interact with the crowd and warm them up. He didn't play guitar on that song and ran around the stage like a 22-year old. Awesome. So, good.
"Born to Run" is a classic and reaches all audiences and demographics. In fact, with all this snow around me and cabin fever surging through my veins, I would freely run along side Bruce to wherever he suggested. RIGHT NOW. So, good.
Closing with "Glory Days" makes a lot of sense. That game WAS the glory day for the whole damn football season, and it WILL be talked about over and over and over and over at small bars around the country for ever and ever and ever. And changing the lyrics to be more football-friendly (deemed "cheesy" by Bob the Blogger) was certainly better than singing about baseball at a FRIGGIN' FOOTBALL GAME. So, good.
The harmonies between the singers were balanced, even as they changed every song. Little Steven sounded like Little Steven, Patty like Patty and so on. Clarence Clemmens still manages to extract the most, um, unique honking out of this sax like he always has and that's what keeps the whole thing "real." Those musicians last night WERE the E Street Band in every way and did their thing. So, good.
So, to the critics who will speak up loudly so they can talk trash about Bruce Springsteen need to realize that Bruce will always be more famous, successful and admired than they ever will, no matter how snarky, clever or nifty their criticism can be. Music critics (many of them, anyway) often suffer from "never-gonna-be-a-rockstar-so-I'll-be-a-voyeur-instead" syndrome and love to tear down what they know they will never have. It's too bad and sad really.
Ahhhhh, ok. I'm done. I'm not usually this aggravated in my blogging, but whatever. These things happen. Bruce will be 60 this year. Good for him. Good for all of us. Next...
I am not a huge Bruce fan, but I like him and most of his music. I've seen him live three times and enjoy his shows. I think Devils and Dust is an amazing, haunting and beautiful record. But, I could easily never hear "Glory Days" again and live a normal life, too.
So, to recap last night, Bruce played for 12-minutes: "Tenth Avenue Freezeout," "Born to Run," "Workin' on a Dream," "Glory Days." Bruce likes to be funny, goofy, and understands the spectacle of show business. He is a showman who often sings songs about heavy hitting topics ("Radio Nowhere," perhaps) just as easily he can throw down a stereotypical rock anthem ("Born to Run"). He's got a quirky sense of humor and creates a "show" around his show. Hence, the referee last night, his banter with Little Steven, the call to put down our chicken fingers and join the fun, etc. AND, what better spectacle to let it all hang out than the friggin' Superbowl. I have no complaints with his stage antics at all. If you do, lighten up.
And, no, I was not suprised nor disappointed that he didn't play "Born in the U.S.A." My opinion of the event would have changed significantly if he had, actually. At the party I attended last night, most people said they thought he would play it, should play it, and expressed dissatisfaction because he didn't. While I think that Bruce's songs--in general--and his continued alliance with the workin' man absolutely contain political overtones, I think many of us miss the dark irony in "Born," a song that is very CRITICAL of America in a sarcastic manner. It is not a cheerleading anthem to our greatness....and the fact that Ronald Reagan thought so and used it in his campaign (which Bruce protested) STILL cracks me up. Anyway, if Bruce had sung that last night, I would have been convinced right now that he really HAD lost it after all. Since he didn't, I am more confident that Bruce is a smart showman who understands his role as a musician much more than most of us can (I will say, however, that I am confused by the Wal-Mart thing. Very contradictory. I think he'll try to get out of it. But, AC/DC did it too and survived without a scratch.). Next.
Another criticism stems from the number of people he had on stage. Yes, it was a lot. SO WHAT? It was a party up there. Like it was everywhere. Next.
He had a gospel choir up there for two minutes, another factor that one blogger called "a sin." Ummm, the original/recorded version of that song HAS A GOSPEL CHOIR IN IT. Oh, and the fact that he slid that same song into the mix, "Workin' On a Dream" (which is the first track of his new record) was called "cheesy." Let me get this straight....according to some critics, a musical artist who has a new record out and is hired to perform on the biggest entertainment event of the winter CANNOT promote his new record? What the fuck?!?!?! Give me one good reason WHY NOT!!! Oh, and I guess he can't make it sound like it really does (gospel choir) for fear of being called "overblown"? It's the goddamn Superbowl. It must be overblown. Next.
I guess why I'm so cranky today is that lately, when I read criticism about music or even what kind of news about music makes the national news (thinking of Jessica Simpson here..."weight-gain controversy"...um, really?!?!?!) I feel that critics and fans do not actually talk about the music. So, I will....
The E Street Band sounded great. All cylindars firing. Tight, organized, comfortable, confident. Having fun. Smiling. Switched gears from song to song like a well-oiled machine. So, good.
"Tenth Avenue Freezeout" suprised me as the show starter, and it's not my favorite tune, by far. But, its lazy, bluesy, romping rhythm was perfect for Bruce to interact with the crowd and warm them up. He didn't play guitar on that song and ran around the stage like a 22-year old. Awesome. So, good.
"Born to Run" is a classic and reaches all audiences and demographics. In fact, with all this snow around me and cabin fever surging through my veins, I would freely run along side Bruce to wherever he suggested. RIGHT NOW. So, good.
Closing with "Glory Days" makes a lot of sense. That game WAS the glory day for the whole damn football season, and it WILL be talked about over and over and over and over at small bars around the country for ever and ever and ever. And changing the lyrics to be more football-friendly (deemed "cheesy" by Bob the Blogger) was certainly better than singing about baseball at a FRIGGIN' FOOTBALL GAME. So, good.
The harmonies between the singers were balanced, even as they changed every song. Little Steven sounded like Little Steven, Patty like Patty and so on. Clarence Clemmens still manages to extract the most, um, unique honking out of this sax like he always has and that's what keeps the whole thing "real." Those musicians last night WERE the E Street Band in every way and did their thing. So, good.
So, to the critics who will speak up loudly so they can talk trash about Bruce Springsteen need to realize that Bruce will always be more famous, successful and admired than they ever will, no matter how snarky, clever or nifty their criticism can be. Music critics (many of them, anyway) often suffer from "never-gonna-be-a-rockstar-so-I'll-be-a-voyeur-instead" syndrome and love to tear down what they know they will never have. It's too bad and sad really.
Ahhhhh, ok. I'm done. I'm not usually this aggravated in my blogging, but whatever. These things happen. Bruce will be 60 this year. Good for him. Good for all of us. Next...
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