Musicology (Most of the Time)

Best Music Singles of 2010--sort of

2011-01-01T14:04:00.001-05:00

Over the past few weeks, many many many media outlets of all sorts have compiled their "Best Of" lists for 2010. I like to skim through/watch/listen to such things and compare their content to what's rolling around in this lil' brain o' mine. Sticking to only 2010 seems reasonable; the Buffalo News music editor, Jeff Miers, just published a best of the DECADE and I don't even want to know how long he took to sort through that hot mess, but congrats to Miers for his tenacity even as I disagree with most of his choices....Anyway, I'm sticking to this year only and pitching individual songs, just for the sake of time limits, an aging memory, and maybe a good selection, if you will.

Many lists I've read use the "Best 10 of 10" model probably due to our natural penchant for numbers that match and logistical tidiness like decades, Januarys and whatnot. Hhuummph. I tried for 10 songs released as singles during 2010 that positively altered my musical reality, and I think I've revealed to myself that I am not hip anymore. AT ALL. I was amazed at what "new" music I listened to and actually liked, and I totally struggled to find 10 such songs from 2010. I came up with seven, and my avoidance of Gaga/Kanye/things of that nature terribly narrowed the playing field. What a year! AND, a few of my choices were actually released in 2009 (made most popular in 2010, so that's my rationale/disclaimer). Sheesh! With that, below are my Best 7 of 10 (see? just doesn't have that smooth ring to it *sigh*) with explanations. Feel free to add the other three from your musical cache. And, Happy New Year!

7. "Half of My Heart"--John Mayer with Taylor Swift
We know of John Mayer as a public goofball, but I have always liked his songwriting and the minimalist simplicity in his guitar aesthetic. He's a hell of musician (a statement that will undoubtedly spark debate. So bring it!). This song has an easy-breezy sway to it and his vocals are convincing and calm. I had NO IDEA it was Taylor Swift on the vocal harmony at first which, again, makes my current musical awareness a disgrace. Mon Dieu! I can't keep up with everything. Anyway, this song seems to calm Mayer as it matures Swift. I like the guitar melodic motive throughout, and the not-yet-trite rhythmic gesture he uses almost as a subtle high point 2:50 in, the "half of my" that chops off that last pending beat. It's an unexpected moment that's not jolting and feels instead like he's taking a startled inhalation, a reawakening of pain but reflective rather than fearful. Good song. One other thing: we have never been John Mayer, but we can certainly fill our own shoes with this song at some point in our lives. Nicely done.

6. "Beautiful"--Apocalyptica
This band had me years ago when they did Metallica covers using an ensemble of cellos as Metallica substitutes. Who would have thought? Me likey the cello either solo or in large groups (the best ever--Arvo Pärt's "Fratres" for 12 cellos....TWELVE!!!!). This is an ethereal piece for Apoc. tucked smartly within a mediocre metal-rock album riddled (sadly) with guest singers and European-sounding guitar production. Gavin Rossdale, for example, sings on the album's first single in wide release.....underwhelming. But "Beautiful" is a graceful glint of hazy sunlight amid a rather gray and clumsy record. And, again....CELLOS!

5. "Secrets"--OneRepublic
Discovered this song one afternoon driving along the I-90 to work (teaching college students how to appreciate music, of all things!). The opening riff sounds like a processed studio cello solo *sigh* yet struck me as almost familiar. Once I could consult my iTunes library, I confirmed that the opening segment and chord progression (during the intro and subsequent verses) "borrows" SEVERELY from the "Prelude" of J.S. Bach's The 6 Unaccompanied Cello Suites, Suite No. 1 composed in 1720-ish (Bach's diaries of his own compositional ways remains "ish-ish" but the year 1720 is close enough-ish). I prefer the Yo-Yo Ma recordings of Bach's delicious morsels and always will. Anyway, the weird thing about this blatant smash of music history and modern music business is that according to OneRepublic's public forum and the Timbaland website content, the "Secrets" cello melody and chord progression are original, inspired to pop greatness by the band members themselves. But holy canoli, Batman....the speed, tempo, "flow," timbre, and musical character that pushes this song forward, in my humble opinion, comes from JSB: altered, co-opted, re-energized, not apologized for (is it too laaaaaaaaate?). Still, the singer's delivery is distinctive and lovely, and the use of such Baroque tools in the hands of ProTools is somehow disturbing yet satisfying. Call me crazy, and I'll agree. Perhaps someone affiliated with this song took a Music Appreciation course at one point and, as we all do, fell in love with Bach. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

4. "Love the Way You Lie"--Eminem
I know. I hear the groan you are making, I see the eyebrow raised. Really, I do. Eminem did enough face-planting on every available media junket this year that he can disappear for a few years again (and we hope this time it won't include rehap and/or suicidal tendencies). But, he cannot be ignored. This is the song from the new record that showcases his crazy-person outlook on the world while reviving the thing that got him farther down the road than his favorite highway exit: his rap and rhythm are ammunition and inspiration. He says what we don't want to hear (but do) and confesses to the world what we live in (but do not want to). Beatings? Burnings? Threats? Death? Nope, not in my lifetime.*fingers-crossed/pinkie-swear.* Aaaannnnd, I am in the car singing along merrily with Rihanna, cuz I love the way he lies. Actually, at this point, it's word-for-word along with Marshall. Seriously.

3. "Radioactive"--Kings of Leon
You may know my absolute love for the Followills. I mean, I'm ready to hug the band members, parents, aunts, cousins-twice-removed, you name them. It's been this way since I stumbled upon this gangly group of (then) teenagers when they cracked open the thunder-clouded skies at Bonnaroo in 2004. My use of "stumbled" is no lie: the July weather in Tennessee was hot and the mid-western Budweiser in RooVillage was cold. Anyway, the song restates "It takes a village" and includes a gentle confession that "This village is not what I'm used to experiencing so I hope the old one is still there." The chords are simple. The lyrics SEEM simple yet provide a dose of interpretive leverage that allows tradition to become revolution. KOL's ability to land so solidly in their own turf and acknowledge the rest of the world lies at the heart of this song, and them. Plus, it's so fucking fun to sing!!!...either the melody, the first harmony, and when my voice is lucey-goosey, the highest harmony (congrats on those Nathan!). OH, and the video. Overdubbing the kids singing. Seeing the band opportunistically play in meadows with picnics and bringing it Back Down South now. And, I have put in another "And"...witnessing 20-somethings address Civil Rights, issues of "belonging," winning while losing, and rockin' out to it all warms my heart. Yahoo! So, with many due respects and without further ado, here's the Buffalo Village taking a crack the lyrics beginning at 1:12, just to share the love: "It's in the water/it's in the snowstorms/of where we came from/our sons and daughters/with all their snowplows /it's gonna shape 'em/and when they freeze/and come together and start snugglin'/it's in the water/where you came from...where you came from."

2. "Little Lion Man"--Mumford & Sons
With a name that sounds like a men's clothing store, I overlooked this band initially. A review of their debut album in Rolling Stone also failed to entice me. Once again, my college students came to my rescue. Perhaps sensing my need for hipness, one of my oh-so-smart 20-year olds handed me a copy of Sigh No More and boldly suggested that I "watch out for 'Little Lion Man.'" NICE!!! Now I'm interested. I threw the CD into my car stereo at 9pm that night after teaching a long day and looking at a long ride home in heavy heavy rain. Annnnnnnd, this CD blew my mind. "Little Lion Man" sounds like a furious and feverish stomping bruhaha in the pouring rain where no matter how hard your feet hit the mud, redemption never comes. My heart was racing, I was singing along like a madwoman, and laughing gleefully. Good Lord! The video adds to the hysterically honest charm of the song (and the band). Actually, I almost swapped "The Cave" (whose video is better) for "Little Lion Man," except that I couldn't resist typing out "LLM"'s chorus in this post. In fact, a-hem, I may have to tell a person or two these words, especially as the new year brings the clean slate forward: "But it was not your fault but mine/And it was your heart on the line/I really fucked it up this time/didn't I, my dear?" Allllrighty then.

#1. "Chances"--Five For Fighting
This one surprised me for both being on this list and perched as #1. Hard to describe. Also, released in 2009, I honestly did not hear this song until the credits rolled at the end of The Blind Side and I reached for a new box of Kleenex (note: the song didn't do well on the charts, so perhaps that why I missed it? another note: as much as The Blind Side got slightly criticized for being too predictable, I cried like a baby almost all the way through it.....these things happen). So, here are the factors that contribute to "Chances" being played over and over and over when I'm home alone to enjoy such things: I've always like this band, or the dude John Ondrasik (whose real first name is Vladimir!!! Good stuff) and the story behind it/him. Being raised in LA, he went to college for math and science yet studied music along the way. Music and math make a sweet combo. In fact, the first chorus says "Chances are/we'll find a new equation." Hee hee. Clever math reference which totally works when dealing with human relationships; I'm intrigued by his voice, the way his falsetto breaks PERFECTLY on "Chaaaaan-ces are..."; The lyrics read like a poem, and like most of FFF's songs, tug at the heart as if an anchor was wrapped around it and sinking slowly. The piano part is easy and fun to play, the chord progression is simple, and the bass leads us smoothly and gently through this story of hopeful yearning. Without realizing it, I think I attached this song to my struggle this past year to work through my Dissertation problems, fears, and accomplishments as this part of my life comes to an end (hopefully) in April when I graduate. Thinking of being "PHinally Done" (ha! get it?!?! PhD? PHinally Done? That's Nerd Kingdom humor right there, baby!) is both exhilarating and terrifying. It brings up what this project has cost as well as the courage that I need to just fucking finish it and claim the unknown future. Lines like "Chances lost are hope's torn up pages," make my mouth go dry every once in a while, and I hold tightly to the final chorus: "Chances are the fascinations/Chances won't escape from me/Chances are only what we make them/And all I need."

Happy 2011. Can't wait to hear what's coming next..... :)

is there anybody..out there....?

2010-12-19T22:57:00.003-05:00

Blogging seems strange with the instant access of connecting via Facebook now that "quips" (status/trending) are cool and, then, bigger thoughts take more TIME!. Hopefully you picked up on the sarcasm yet possibility in my tone, there. Bring it back, bloggers?

Ready to roll. Bring it!

jb

I have a cold....

2010-02-03T09:53:00.002-05:00

....and I haven't had a cold in a long time. All that wonderful energy amassed last week....pffft. Gone. I'm a walking poster-girl for Mucinex, Tylenol, Puffs, Vitamin C tablets and garlic. And naps.

Teaching is going well, and today is Diss day. OF COURSE it is since I feel like sleeping until Friday. Dammy damn. What timing. But, I think last night may have been the worst of it and I hope these germs decide to leave my lil' body as quickly as they found themselves at home.

I think I can do some Diss work today, though. My Chapter 4 is actually the former second-half of Chapter 3. All together, I realized that is too much material for one chapter, so I separated them. The good news is that I have all the research done because I sat down to write it all out for the recent January Chapter 3 deadline. The bad news is its hard to concentrate today and I'm sleepy. So, if I sit for hours and try to write, it's highly likely that I'll read it on Friday and revise the whole load of loopy prose from today. But, I can do just a little here and a little there at a medium pace---shoot for four new pages instead of fourteen. Get healthy, first. Power-write, second.

In other news, I welcomed three new fish to the tank (for a total of 11), have three tomato plants sprouting (one is almost six inches high!!!) and finally see a flower growing on my peace lily (which hasn't flowered since I bought it 2.5 years ago, although the foliage is beautiful). And, regardless of sneezin' and weezin', life rolls along. Onward!

first day of "spring".....

2010-01-26T10:13:00.002-05:00

semester, that is. At least during the spring semester, we can watch the weather get progressively better, but it's all contextual in these parts. It's a bummer that this first day of class should be so blustery and windy and cold and crappy. I have to walk around campus more than usual to access copy machines, library resources and classrooms in different buildings. Oh, and Starbucks. It will be a 9-hour on campus today, so the weather has affected clothing choice, food intake, efficiency of tasks, parking......I have a lot of copying and organizing to do but that's typical of the first week. I don't teach until 3:30pm, but there is a wicked wind and some patches of the ol' I-90 West can be tricky. Coming home, in the dark, is worse, but at least my day will be done and I'll have that hour to reflect, listen to tunes and avoid being crushed by big trucks.

I'm excited by my classes and ready for a real schedule. Tu/Th teaching days and prep; M/W/F Diss days; Saturdays errands/family stuff; Sundays work (church) and maybe more work in the afternoon if my little dude can find a playmate (the downtown library is open Sundays til 5pm and no one is there then, which rocks). Sunday nights=chill out. We'll see how long this lasts :)

I have 18 enrolled in my "Music of the 1960s" class. The enrollment has some restrictions on it for students, so the smaller number is expected and good, since it's the first time I'm teaching it (and I'm creating it, too). My Monster class (MUS 115) is at 100, and this morning I had the 25th student request to force-add since the class is full. Mon dieu! Um, sorry dude. I get paid by the class, not the student number (although for this biggie, I'll take a double salary. Sure! *sigh*) so 100 it is. See ya next semester. It's in a different lecture hall and I can't really get in much earlier than the start time because it's used all day for the big lectures. I'd prefer to peek in a bit, and hope there are no surprises. I was assured that there is a music console to actually play music (great! since it's a music history class and all), so, again, hopefully no big surprises.

And, Romanticism is full at 30 and begins Thursday night. I'm not changing much from last semester because I think it went well and, well, I have these other two classes to deal with. Revision is what summers are for, me thinks. Poolside with drinkies.

And, I'm off. Welcome back everyone. Hope you are ready to rock and roll.

Back to work....

2010-01-25T11:07:00.002-05:00

I do very well with deadlines, usually. Not so with this Dissertation, but that thing has taken on a life of its own, and a very challenging one at that. I turned in Chapter 3 on Friday like I was supposed to, but need to revise my Proposal AGAIN because I've changed the chronological organization of the chapters. Sheesh. But, this project will be done by May 15. Absolutely. I cannot have it hanging over my head like some giant albatross for another summer. No way, Jose.

The deadlines I am better with are the ones like today, which mark the first day of the spring semester for the college where I teach, the day after my son's 10th Birthday, and it's a Monday. So it feels like a fresh start, and it is. I had a six-week holiday break, and although I dreamt of all the many and wonderful things I could accomplish in that time, I did a whole lotta nothin.' Lesson learned: I work well with structure. Having "things to do" actually motivates me to do them. I'm a tasker, eyes on the prize. So, let the games begin!

Yesterday was a great day, though. My son turned 10 which is such a cool age to say, to be, to remember. I love throwing parties and I wanted to invite all the friends (that he wanted to invite) that has made over the past two years of living here. I rented a roller skating rink for two hours and 28 kids came. They had so much fun. In lieu of the annoying and cumbersome party bags that all the guests receive at kids' birthday parties, I had white T-shirts silk screened with a big smiley face and gave one to each child (after they finished eating). So I have a great picture of all the kids in their shirts (but it's on my mother's camera, so I'll post it tomorrow) and fun memories of all these kids smiling their way around the Rink with my son. Good stuff.

The challenge today is daunting. I already said that I have to revise my Diss Proposal, but I can actually do that in the evening after "24" is over (love that show!!). I have three classes this semester (whoo--hoo!!! pay raise!!!) and teach on two days of the week. Tomorrow I have Music Appreciation which I have nicknamed The Monster because it has 100 students in it, all levels freshman to senior. This will be my third semester teaching it, so that one runs like clockwork. I mostly just need to print various things that I've already done (syllabus, study guide, roster) so I can copy them when I get to campus. I used to teach is as a 2.5 hour evening class (which was a doozy) but now it's broken up into two-80 minutes afternoon slots. Change it good.

My Romanticism and Music class runs Thursday night. I love the material in that class. It's basically a philosophy course about the relationship between Romanticism and musical product or reflection. It's also open to music or non-music majors but upper-level only (juniors/seniors). This class always fills quickly and as I stated in the syllabus, the music spans the classical symphony to Kings of Leon, Liszt to Led Zeppelin, and Bob Dylan to Beethoven. Love it. The hardest part is getting them to write a good research paper. More on that as the semester unfolds, but I'm going to work harder to teach them to formulate their ideas better.

The hardest part this semester is the new class that I've created on my own which begins tomorrow night: "Music of the 1960s." I am so excited to teach this class and thank my boss for getting it approved. I'm going to teach it "seminar style" like I do for Romanticism: no textbook, no tests, I provide the readings (online, which is greener and cheapter) culled from various sources (most of which I have on my own bookshelves), and weekly written assignments/responses, and weekly CDs to listen to that I burned on my itunes. I've also included a record review and a biography review. And, all about the 1960s!!!! Whoo---hooo!!!!

But I haven't taught this before so the workload and organization on my right now is a bit heavy. And, I don't want to overwhelm them. The 1960s are such a CRAZY decade, and each year, it seems my lovely college students know less and less about American history, events, people, and ESPECIALLY older popular music. So, that is my task today. Get that class up and running and fun and interesting.

So, here I go again!

I know it's already January 20th, but....

2010-01-20T23:48:00.001-05:00

it's starting to feel like a new year. Or at least a new something. This is good, and these things happen. Chat soon. Like, real soon!!!!

Historical fiction...not a distraction?

2009-10-08T10:05:00.002-04:00

I've got STACKS of books in my office that don't belong to me. I have Buffalo, SUNY Fredonia and UW Madison library books in neatly (artistically? not sure) assorted narrative skyscrapers in my office according to content...one stack is about the New Deal, another about Buffalo, some contribute to my Diss "theories," whatever those'll end up being. One of the greatest lessons/tools I learned in grad school was how to "read" a book in under 30 minutes....start with index and table of contents, browse the intro to see the author's point, find the pages needed for my topic, read back a few and forward a few from that, and BAM! That book makes it into a stack or not. Then, they sit perched, waiting for me to really go digging as the gobbledy-gook I'm writing needs them.

But, in the midst of some are books about Buffalo, a few that fall under the category "Historical fiction." The book City of Light was this, and although recommended because it provided a snapshot of Buffalonia history, was poorly written, thin and somewhat bizarre in plot, and not the best way to spend a few late nights. Felt like the author was trying too hard and left all sorts of nuggets twisting in the winds of Lake Erie. Oh well.

Another is The Birth of the Erie Canal, written in 1960, extremely romantic and "imaginative" with characters' characteristics, but sort of fun to read. That's what I did last evening after getting the kiddo to bed and still having energy (where it came from, not sure. It was a long day....). So, I buzzed through this ol' beauty and enjoyed it. There wasn't a single mention of music at all, but the historian in me often dukes it out with the musician, and I found myself fascinated with the history. What a chore and battle is was to tame western New York (after, of course, wiping it clean of the Five Nations....but that is another story, not fictional at all, and probably not fun to read...). Holy canoli. There is a sketch of the Buffalo Harbor from 1815, and I just can't get my head around it. And, because the downtown library and Historical Society are so ship-shape around here, I've looked at A LOT of historical pictures of The Buff. I think conceptually, I can't imagine being a pioneer--in the literal sense--and viewing this wild mane of a region as it was back then as navigational and livable. Phew.

So, as I weed out distractions, I figure that historical fiction will present itself as a viable way to entertain, invite sleep to come, and still keep me in the pocket of my research when the day is done. Once finished with The Diss, I think I'll expand into other areas of the country.....the California coast, Rockies, New England, etc. Any suggestions welcome!

Distractions, distractions....

2009-10-07T09:28:00.002-04:00

One of the things my adWiser suggested (or sort of told me, actually) that would be essential in executing Plan A--turning in a full draft by Jan. 15--was to work on eliminating distractions. Hmmm. Yes, that certainly would help. I nodded, said, "yes, that certainly would help," and smiled tentatively. "I'm serious," she said. "Do you know how much time you spend NOT focusing on this because it is very easy to focus on things you think are important, but are not?" Yes, I do. "Yes, I do," and I smiled tentatively. That conversation happened 10 days ago.

Since then, I've been feeling good about my writing and researching progress, and have been scrutinizing my days, what I "do" in them, and how to clear the clutter. In these 10 days, several things have crossed my path that make this notion of "streamlining" very do-able.

To help spur the above conversation along, my adWiser posed, "For example, I know you love your life in Buffalo and are very busy, but have you had conversations with the people close to you about how your time is going to more focused on YOU for the next three months, and that there may be times you are "unavailable" for various things?" Ummmm, no. So I did that. And it went over well (still have some more people to talk to, but I'm getting there) and everyone so far understands the urgency of my own timeline, what it means to me, what it means to them in the long run and the implications for the short run. "It's OK to say 'no' to things sometimes," said my adWiser. She is right.

Then, Monday, in a moment of downtime and cleaning the house during the 15 minutes I had before my son's bus came roaring down the street, I was sorting through magazines and newspapers and assorted whatnot that had accumulated on my front room table. I found a Rolling Stone magazine with Stephen Colbert on the cover from a few weeks back, and realized I HADN'T READ IT! I asked myself, "What the hell have I been doing that I can't even read my fave mag?" So, I finished my task, still had 7 minutes, and buzzed through the article on him. Interesting guy, but anyway, the way that he approaches his "work" and "life" is that he thinks of two things and two things only: work and joy. If what he's doing doesn't have both, he doesn't do it. And I realized that even as arduous as this Dissertation is, it does--for me, but I'm crazy--fit under both work and joy. Using that model, I've eliminated even more distractions.

THEN, yesterday, after leaving the downtown library, I gave myself 30 minutes to run errands. I loathe running errands. Traffic, in and out of the car, delays, money spent (usually), etc. But, my printer was out of ink (bad), my winter comforter still sat at the dry cleaners from 3 weeks ago (weather's turnin'...need that bad boy) and I had no lettuce for dinner. 30 minutes. Right....my last stop was Office Depot, where at that time of day, should have been empty. I refill my cartridges which saves me money (and is "green") but adds about 5 minutes while they do it. Not today, however. I backlog of printer cartridges sat waiting in a long line before mine. Sheesh. So, I wandered the store pondering the research I just did at the library and browsing things that I neither needed nor could afford. These things happen.

On a shelf near the front sat a book that I have heard of, been interested but never purchased: Tim Ferriss's The Four Hour Workweek. This title appeals to my sense of "work" in that I want ALL of the things I do to be productive yet joyful without losing my soul to someone else's dream. I plunked down in a random on-sale office chair (at least I was in the right place) and started to browse the text while watching and waiting for my little black ink cartridge to make its way to the front of the line.

On page 68, Ferriss says (if you don't know him, give him a glance. His blog is in my favorites here),"Doing something unimportant well does not make it important. Requiring a lot of time does not make a task important." BINGO. More distractions gone.

I don't want to fully admit that I have been inefficient, but I did waste a wholelotta whoo-ha this summer making unimportant things very important, and musing over stupid crap that has nothing to do with my life whatsoever (usually some sort of celebrity-related B.S. or news story, gossip, etc.).

Clearing some distractions has been easier than others. Turning off my email until I am "done" for the day was harder than I thought---what is something "big" happened that I need to know about (it never has, why would I think it would?)? What if someone has something urgent to tell me (that's what phones are for)? How to feel connected to the world while sitting in The Chair writing (make better use of free time and hang with friends instead of dealing with them digitally)? and the excuses go on and on. My world will not end if I don't get my 29 messages of goofiness until 3pm each day, yes? And those "waiting" for my answer (they probably aren't) will get it. After 3pm.

Grocery shopping in bulk at undesirable hours (8:30am) as opposed to convenient (3pm) to avoid a busy store, not cleaning the house until I can do it in a full 15-minute swoop, planning time to do tasks and actually DOING THEM AND GETTING THEM DONE in that time, etc. Interesting. Oh, and no Crack News---CNN, MSNBC, FOX, etc. Garbage. If something really big happens, someone will email (and I'll get it at 3pm and the walls won't come a-crumblin' down) or call. It takes a village, afterall....

AND, my brain is ON FIRE lately, and I think it just took that little nudge of confidence, perspective and, of course, a deadline to get it to where it should be. Focused. Not cluttered. Or, at least not as much as before.

So, I took care of some business stuffystuff already, said I wanted to post on M(MotT) today, and hit the library by 11am (if any of you care to join me in the ol' Grosvenor Room and search old newspaper reels from the 1870s...mmmm.......tempting, yes?). I know what I want to find today, will be home by 3pm and ready for the second half of my day. Baby steps. On a clear path, though.

Any more distraction tips are always welcome!

"...It's the final countdown..."

2009-10-02T09:20:00.002-04:00

You know I love quoting music lyrics--even in my daily conversations with people--and the above snippet from 80s hair-metal band, Europe, fits my motivations for the next few months. As silly as that song was/is, with the quirky synth line and hairspray and spandex, I find that most people know that song. It refuses to die, and the lead lyric (above) is more fun sung than spoken every time. AND, the song found a new life in the short-lived TV series "Arrested Development," (the best TV ever, for real) as the background music for Gob's ill-fated magic shows. I'm giggling as I think about it. May have to pull out those DVDs later.

Ok, so I'm digressing already. Coffee's kicking in.

Anyway, my trip to Wisconsin over the weekend was exactly what I needed to feel the push and urgency of this Diss project...the never-ending Diss....until NOW. Holy canoli do I have a lot of work to do, but I soaked up some academic ju-ju by meeting with old friends, wandering about the beautiful campus, working in the Wisconsin Historical Society (which has A LOT of interesting Buffalo materials that our fine archives here in The Buff do not possess) and discussing a reasonable plan of final deadlines with my adWiser. She is a realistic person, and told me straight that this is a big, huge, weighty amount of work that I've proposed for myself. But, those of you that know me understand how wonderfully I work with deadlines, so GAME ON.

What I enjoyed most about the weekend, besides seeing some of my old buddies, was being able to finally articulate my project to those that asked about it, and feeling that I have a handle on it. I've been working on this thing for freakin' ever it seems (ok, this is the third year, which is a reasonable amount of time for diss work for a crazybusy person like myself) and I see that its presence and subsequent completion marks a concrete "end," but is really only the beginning. What lies beyond the Diss defense (so far scheduled for May...fingers crossed) is an expanse of possibilities that is probably the MAIN factor behind my renewed optimism and motivation. This project sits on my shoulders like a colossal albatross, squashing the potential to engage in other projects (or money-making efforts) and blocking the view toward the horizon. Time to unwrap it and lift the weight. Heave-ho.

I will probably start using this blog to write about non-Diss stuff as a way to get the brain flowing before whatever is on deck for the day. I've been whining and bemoaning this thing too often here, but.....these things happen. Thanks for hanging in there. I teach interesting classes at my college gig, and they often spawn more questions for me than those that I pose to my students. Which is a good thing. I find cultural events often puzzling, surprising and exhilarating. This forum may be where I ponder them, hit "publish post" and move on. Small nuggets of musicological whoo-ha. Hope you are ready.

I am!

Autumnal equinox.....

2009-09-22T08:54:00.003-04:00

Even-Steven daylight/darkness today. The ol' 12/12. Balance. Equality. The scales tip tomorrow, but today they sit straight.

Summer's gone. And, as much as I love the heat, the garden, the long daylight patterns, summer needs to be over. It was probably the weirdest and least productive summer I have had in YEARS, perhaps, decades....I think I read more books between fifth and six grades than I did this summer. Don't know why, really. I THOUGHT a lot about doing the things I should be actively and physically pursuing, but this summer just had an odd rhythm to it, a very unpredictable, chaotic, lethargic and unsettling rhythm. After all this thinking, that's the best description I can come up with. No wonder I haven't able to write....I can't even think! :=)

My Diss is going to get done, and get done soon. Enough is enough, me thinks. Since my son went back to school (which started the mantra "now I REALLY have time to write"), I haven't written a thing. When I tried to write over the summer, I wasn't focused, couldn't get focused, and churned out some crappy drivel. Which bummed me out. So I stopped.

I'm going to Wisconsin on Thursday to meet with my adWiser about the path I'm on and how to stay on it and get to the end of it with a degree in hand. I'm excited to see Madison and some old friends, and frankly, part of the reason for the trip is to immerse myself in a college town, even if it's only for 3 or 4 days. The energy, the environment, the whole academic package surrounding that city (200,000 with 40,000 students....pretty university-heavy) gives me a jolt of inspiration every time I'm there. Wish me luck.

I re-read my last post in which I claimed to have found my newest version of Dissertation focus. Well, it is sort of what I want to do--the history of the symphony--but, that awareness was just a step that led toward the current focus. After sending my adWiser a blurb related to the whole cultural-history-of-the-symphony-using-Buffalo-as-an-example thing, she promptly responded with one (and only one) very poignant and obvious (but not to me) question (which is why she is fondly called my "adWiser" and not "adviser"): "What happened to the New Deal? I thought your original historical interest was the Great Depression, not the history of the symphony." Ahhhhhh, yes, indeed.

And, so it began. I may not have been writing these past three weeks, but I cleaned my office and sorted through sooo many drafts of this friggin' Diss....and I bought a shredder. Some of my writing had been from so long ago that when I read it, I got even more confused and dismayed. How long have I been working on this, again? How long have I pondered these thoughts? Why am I making this so difficult? Just stop. Stop. Clear the air. Then start again. No distractions. Stop.

And that's when the bulb went off--it is I who is making this hard. Just do it. Good gracious:

My focus in the intersection of government, economics, and the orchestral music tradition as they interacted during the crisis of the Great Depression. Buffalo, NY offers an exemplary case to study as the Buffalo Symphony Orchestra (defunct at the time) received federal relief funds as part of the New Deal's Federal Music Project for its "rejuvenation." This relationship lasted for five years and resulted in the establishment of the city's first permanent orchestra, the Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra, which remains the region's premier orchestral organization. Through archives, musicological analysis of events, people and performance, and methodologies from interdisciplinary fields such as economics, American history, folklore theory, and cultural geography, the BPO becomes a lens with which to demonstrate how aspects of the New Deal interacted with musical arts. The under-researched and idiosyncratic circumstances within Buffalo's "symphonic culture" reveal how a century of cultural work performed by professional orchestral musicians in this region finds a foothold, oddly enough, at the end of the Great Depression. It's a history that observes the events in the city but considers the formation of goals, ideals and expectations as part of a nation-wide attempt to establish and replicate this performance tradition appropriate to the intended cultural and geographical terrain. One reason this locality study focuses on Buffalo is due to the rich and varied nature of the story and its source material. But, at the heart of this research is the overarching curiosity of how the orchestral music tradition in America grappled with the rise of "the masses," the public domain of taste, the formation and extension of cultural identity relative to this tradition, the politics and influence of local and national government, and the always-precarious role of money in the professional arts. The latter argument, whose path can be traced back to late-18th century New England, remains an element of American musical life today. The microcosm for this project begins in Buffalo as one city to emerge out of the Great Depression with its symphonic culture not only intact, but stronger than ever before. The legacy created by the BPO, as it celebrates its 69th season today, remains tied to the complex national and local events during the New Deal and the Great Depression of the 1930s.

I feel the scales eager to tip, equinox or not. It's time. Ready, set......*gulp*......GO!!!!

all kinds o' things...

2009-08-28T19:05:00.003-04:00

the strangest summer in a loooooong time, lots of thoughts, several ambitions, lots of lag time, too. Stayin' home tonight with my son after the first week back "at work" (a.k.a. teaching college students musicology that I *hope* they like and dig uncontrollably)...more soon. I'm back. And, I may have developed an interest in learning to cook......as I said. The strangest summer, perhaps, ever.

"here I go again on my own..."

2009-07-22T08:38:00.003-04:00

Well, not on my own, actually. I received feedback on my 3 chapters from my adWiser and one other member of my committee. So that was a mutual relationship between they and I. Now, however, I'm back in The Chair after a brief hiatus (which was a weeeeee bit longer than I had anticipated, but....) and I'm ready to tackle my next step. Coffee's brewing, books are in neat stacks, desktop cleared and poised. Game on.

What has added an extra week of non-writing and heavy-gardening to my calendar is figuring out WHAT THE HOLY HELL MY NEXT STEP IS! *sigh*

I have said numerous times, to myself and many others, that, "I have finally found the REAL focus of my Dissertation." Please allow me to say it again. A-hem. I have finally found the real focus of my Dissertation...which is a different focus than it was two months ago (these things happen) but one more baby step closer to the finish line. And I have my two Diss readers and the busy antics of my son (who forced me to shift my "Momertator" status to more of "Mom" in order to play with him for 3 weeks, and was worth every second) to thank for that. Hiatus over.

I've always been interested in the elusive ways that music works in society, in the minds of individuals, in the performance of our identities. Those elements of music's cultural work spurred my first subscription of Rolling Stone when I was 12, drove me into libraries and historical texts for decades, pushed me to experiment with sociology, education, American history and academia. How I ended up in musicology is still a mystery (and one to ponder at a later date). Anyway, something was revealed to me just the other morning as I woke to a sleepy, soggy, soaker of a weather forecast. My friendly wake-up call, my voice in my head that hits me like a freight-train sometimes, simply informed me that those interests, the unanswerable but nagging questions of music's role in society, SHOULD lead my Diss as well!!! Of course!!!!! If not, these past two years will end up being a silly stack of crap that reveals little of the silly girl behind it all, me thinks.

If I was younger, wealthier and braver, I'd jump ship from this Buffalo Diss topic and head into different waters. But, I need to get this fucker DONE. For real. I've got a ton of historical research, fascinating nuggets and worthless/useful data about the musical activity in a city that I truly love, and my conscience keeps me on that path. So be it. My work at the National Archives in Washington, D.C., the grant money that supported it, the people who helped me get there and work there.....they keep this ol' gal on the Buffalo party train as well. My archival work focused on the interactions of the Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra and the Federal Music Project during the Great Depression. THAT topic has never been explored, written or published by ANYONE, and that accomplishment is mine. And it's a great story (I'm a sucker for juicy controversy, and my current Chapter 5 re-creates that tale from all those documents housed in that nation's capital. Gotta keep on it). Hopefully, someday you'll agree.

So, in light of the above babble, my fascination has shifted a bit. I'm going to try to write a cultural history of the symphony orchestra as it worked in Buffalo relative to "the nation"---WHY it began, what it did and for whom, how it related to bigger, more affluent/cosmpolitan cities, what it did for Buffalo. Why, why, why rather than just how and when. Another caveat that I want to include is the notion of a cultivation of musical "taste" in America and the love/hate relationship to popular trends, different demographical populations, and immigration. That will be the philosophy/sociology/cultural theory angle that I enjoy wading through more often than not. I will end my project's chronology at 1940 as I have planned in the past and leave the following decades for "other projects."

What I've determined is:

Chapter 5 (BPO/FMP) has the most organized text but some holes that now need to be filled due to this shift.
Chapter 2 has good data about the events in Buffalo, but the organization needs to be revised, some stuff taken out/condensced, more newspaper info from archives in the downtown library, and heavier emphasis of cultural theory and anlaysis of those events. Gulp.
Chapter 3--which I am supposed to start, like, now--needs the most background historical info about the rise/role of the American symphony orchestra in general. But, I have good (but not enough, yet) data to add Buffalo to that picture.
Chapter 4--some stuff, not much, know where I'm going, written last.
Chapter 1--the Introduction---will be written after Chapter 4, a revision of my focus, and Lit Review (which I haven't done).

Which leads me to my opening question: where to start? I have a plan. Every time I sit to write, I'm going to keep a running Lit Review going in order to organize it at the end (a Lit Review lets my readers know that I know what is already known about my topic due to previous research. Fun, fun, fun.) Even if I only summarize one scholar or one argument, I'm just going to keep it rolling. Baby steps.

Next, I'm going to make a simple and uncreative chronology of events in Buffalo as I know them for Chapter 3 (1861--1919). Already started on that.
Next, the books I'm pouring through for my Lit Review will only deal with the stuff needed for Chapter 3. Then I can double-dip and start adding narrative text and analysis to my data.
Also, instead of writing an "Introduction," I'm opening a new file for thoughts pertaining to my Intro. Organization will come later, but by the time that happens, it should be all there.

As long as this muse stays with me, that is.

Say a prayer, send a vibe, wish me luck. Here goes nothin'......

Boom Boxes and Record Stores

2009-06-18T08:42:00.005-04:00

When I bought my house almost two years ago, it was spotless and had obviously been professionally cleaned. That said, it needed a lot of updates. It had been owned by the same family for over 40 years, and as we started to put our own spin on the place, we often discovered little remnants of the people who had lived here (Note: as a historian, I find these nuggets fascinating and forever interesting; as a parent, their presence makes me a little sad, like I'm plowing over all those memories... *sigh*).

One quirk about the garage is a pull-down ladder tucked into the ceiling that leads to the "attic" or crawl space. A full attic would be killer (so much potential!!!), but alas, it's more of a crawl space. It has a rickety ladder that I wouldn't allow my boyfriend (twice my weight) to attempt, but I was so eager to get up there and see it (the property inspector, a little dude, went up during the inspection. I didn't.) that I climbed carefully up into the ceiling within days of moving in. My guess is that because the previous owner was deceased and the house had sat vacant for a while that the realtor just wanted to sell the place and clear the most noticeable clutter......because there was a TREASURE TROVE of stuff up there. Two years later, several items are nestled here and there around the property (I am VERY GOOD at creative recycling), the most notable being a mid-size Panasonic boom box from the mid-1980s that now is the source for the tunes during outdoor work. Rock on!

One downside is that the tape player doesn't work--only the radio does. I still have a storage bin full of tapes in my basement......but anyway, because I listen to my own playlists or "Groove Salad" online radio while writing, I often throw the control of my musical preferences into the waves of local radio while working outside. While my home office is my refuge for writing and thinking and organizing one kind of work, my yard is my refuge away from that and for organizing a different kind of work (making a house into a home, me thinks). So, this lil' radio has become a part of the yard and our lives, in all its retro glory.

Note: I have done A LOT of work outside this year along with my boyfriend, his/my friends, and my son. By myself, I hit 97 Rock, FM 96.9 as it is the city's only station that calls itself "Classic Rock." Their song rotation is my domain--absolutely--being late 1960s through the early 1990s guitar rock, from "Purple Haze" to Pearl Jam (mostly pre-Yield material). The time passes quickly, I can sing along to almost everything, and while weeding and tending to peas, peppers, pots and petunias, my mind wanders to memories, stories, facts, and feelings about this era of our music history. Pretty damn cool, if you ask me.

There is little contestation about the station choice even if other people are around (we just did a HUGE pool remodel, so we had to corrale the troops. Good thing Bud Lite is cheap....). I have come up with two reasons for this: 1. the people we hang out with are our age or thereabouts, and this radio station has been playing "classic rock" since we were in highschool so this is the music of "our generation" through osmosis; 2. it isn't that big a deal. Tunes are tunes. I am aware of MY musical obsessions but certainly don't expect that from everyone. The world needs a healthy balance from all of our oddities, yes? So, again, pretty damn cool.

What's been happening to me over the past month or so, as my Diss work went on hiatus for two weeks and I found "other" things to do cheaply (work around the yard with tunes on), is paying more focused attention on what is played on radio in The Buff. AND, I hear a song and think, "Do I have that one?" so I yank off the garden gloves, and run into my office to check my iTunes folder. If not already imported, I check my CD racks in the front room. Although I have a lot variety and breadth in my music cache, I am baffled by my lack of some. Holy canoli! I need to have this song! How did I miss it? How do I have such gaping holes in my musical socks?

As this process has continiued, I have compiled a list of 64 songs that I love, don't posses, and NEED (perhaps "need" is a bit strong, but as I think about it, no, it is not....) 64!!!!! Holy hell!!! So, I have four choices, really:

1. do nothing and let these songs be the ones that I am dying to listen to when the radio plays them.
Upside: cheap.
Downside: highly satisfying in the moment of listening to them, then highly unsatisfying when I want my ears wrapped around them some other time.

2. ask friends if they possess these goodies and rip them into my iTunes.
Upside: cheap.
Downside: time consuming, perhaps strange/annoying for my friends.

3. buy them one by one on itunes (if they are there).
Upside: no waste. Only the songs I want.
Downside (several): the iTunes "burning" license limits my ability to use these songs on playlists I burn for people; not cheap ($64 and counting); slightly time consuming (but good for a rainy day like today); moderately unsatisfying (as an "object," each song only exists as a digital file in my computer--no art, nothing to "hold on to," digitally permanent yet physically ephemeral)

4. go to a record store and buy them. *GASP* Go a record store!?!?! When the fuck was the last time I did that??? Mon dieu! My heartrate is rising. I LOVE the record store...however....
Downside first this time: very expensive and moderately time consuming (unless it's a rainy day like today), physically inconvenient (Buffalo and suburbs have suffered the "giant sucking sound" of indie record stores and I'm not going to the mall/Target/Walmart to buy music. Period.), OVERWHELMING---I will spend hours and hours spinning like a whirling dervish in the store. It will be a challenge to GET ME OUT of the store once I'm there, and my mortgage payment will evaporate into "Dust in the Wind," for sure.
Upside: undeniably satisfying. Wandering around bins and bins of sonic potential. Holding the goods in my hand, ritualistically trying to get the wrappers off, looking through the CD jacket material, thowing it into the CD player for a spin. Listening. Anytime I want.

Hmmmmmm. My initial reaction to the above list is interesting (to me). When iTunes launched, I was making better money (*sigh*) and gleefully added fun tune after fun tune into my ever-expanding music folder. Click. Got 'em, one by one. And, I have found iTunes to be helpful for accessing historical music material/songs for teaching, but that's the stuff of academics, not obsessions.

No. 1 seems the easiest and most random. What the hell....just let it go.....Yeah, right.
No. 2 seems like more trouble than it's worth---how to canvass friends, how to collect their material, burn it, return it, and risk the raised-eyebrow-factor followed by questions like, "Um, yeah, so Judy, um, how's the Diss coming?" once my motives for this "project" are revealed.
No. 3 elicits a gut reaction that is surprising: "Hell, no." I love technology, but this option unnerves me, like I'd be not only ripping the song (while paying for it), but I'd be ripping off the context of the song (even as I have done this in the past. My own hypocracy is not lost on me...). Classic Rock is what has led me to everything else. For real. I can't just have one song from The Who that I'm missing....I need ALL of The Who. Dig? Oy.
No. 4 seems like the most fun, the most satisfying, and the most invigorating. But, wow. Can it be done?

Today is rainy writing day (Chapter 3), so I'm safely distanced from entering the backyard and turning on the Boom Box. Instead, I am listening to the ambient juiciness of Groove Salad internet radio. Ahhhh. Impulses curbed once more. Credit cards in the other room. Search engines closed. I cannot make a rash decision about something like this, now can I? :)

I'd make this a collective effort and publish the list below, but I think I'll keep the actual "List of 64 Project" close to the hip. For instance, how can I ask someone if they possess Pink Floyd's The Wall on CD without acknowledging THAT I DON'T? Sad, but true. I am riddled with many, many flaws.....

Option 5 would be free file-sharing, the online marketplace spawned by Napster. Grrrrrrrr......

Your thougts or suggestions appreciated. For music obsessives like me--rock on!

"Thursday's child has far to go..."

2009-06-09T09:42:00.002-04:00

Although I'm writing this on a Tuesday, I turned in three chapters of my Diss last Thursday, and true to the nursery rhyme quoted above, I do have far to go. The chapters were 1, 2 and 5 because of the content I had amassed and because of the HUGE revision I did in March. So, while I'm technically "half-way" done (those three chapters are about 110 pages), I still have a long road ahead. I've spent the past few days "not thinking," which is funny because that's all I've been doing is thinking (and sneezing and sleeping.....welcome to spring in the Buff). I like to feel that I'm moving forward with a positive attitude, so below are the things I've done (positive!) and the things I still have to do to really be "done" (still tryin' to be positive):

What's done with The Diss:

1. a title for the project: "Performing the Nation: the Rise of Buffalo's Symphonic Music Culture"
2. an outline of the chapters that I am comfortable with and that seem logical and good
Chapter 1---Intro--background, theories, lit review--done
Chapter 2--Buffalo Frontiertown to Boomtown, 1804--1860--done
Chapter 3--Patterns of Success? 1861--1919--not done
Chapter 4--Boundaries, Bridges and Booze, 1920--1934--not done
Chapter 5--The Buffalo Philharmonic Gets a New Deal, 1935--1940--done
Chapter 6--Epilogue--Ethnicity, Culture and Performance in Buffalo, New York--not done
3. a rough bibliography has been compiled as I write. ROUGH is the keyword here, though.
4. the research in Washington, D.C (for chapter 5) is complete
5. I have two full months to work on Chaps 3 and 4
6. Chapter 6 is not that long and I have a lot of that material from the parts I lopped off the first proposal (the Polish, jazz, Irish and Italian communitites), so maybe 10 pages already.
7. my teaching schedule for the fall is two classes that I've already taught, so little prep time at home, which means more for The Diss
8. I will earn this degree before I turn 40, which was the goal from the get-go.

What's not done:

1. a lot of the research for 3 and 4 has not been done. And, they are not years that I'm as familiar with, well 4 is, but 3 is iffy. So, lots of reading and trips to the ol' newspaper archives at the downtown library.
2. Chapter 5, while MOSTLY complete, still needs a good conclusion and some fact-finding at the library, especially newspaper reviews and articles about the BPO during the Great Depression. More days downtown.
3. My advisor won't be able to give me feedback on the stuff I sent her for a few weeks. And, I have no idea if it's crap or not......I hope NOT. So, I have to fend off anxiety about her responses to my work. Cuz I really want to be done. Soon. I just have to let it go until I hear from her and not worry and ponder about it and think about it and worry and......Anyone up for Happy Hour? Oh, it's only 10am.....damn.....Bloody Mary, then?
4. I need to re-connect with my other committee members and confirm they are on board, file all the paperwork, etc. This of course if after......
5......all the work is done, including revision (which I already know will happen). I'm shooting for October 31. Defend in March or April. Large, obnoxious party to follow. Keep ya posted on the details.
6. I haven't been able to write any of my chapters into journal articles YET but I did present Chapter 5 as a conference paper at UB in March (just staying positive.....)

So, 8 things done, 6 not done. But they are both equally heavy, in my humble opinion. I have been reading and taking notes to prepare for Chapter 3, and TOMORROW (not today), I will beging writing. Again. Today, "Tuesday's child is full of grace," and I will be working and cleaning and calming myself down and enjoying the day. The garden needs some attention, anyway.

Uh oh...."Wednesday's child is full of woe....." Maybe I should wait til Thursday to start writing again.....

Happy Tuesday!

summertime in The Buff....here comes the bride!

2009-05-27T08:40:00.003-04:00

No, silly, not ME!!! But I wonder how many raised eyebrows or jaw drops that title got. Hee hee.

Anyway, while writing my academic fingers off this summer and getting this Diss done (or close to done--I'm shooting for all content and most revisions by Nov. 1), I have some wedding gigs. I haven't had a "gig" in a long time. Sure, I play every Sunday in church as part of my job, but weddings are a whole different animal. And, as they are starting to come together regarding music and form and logistics, I'm excited about adding some focused piano practicing into my summer schedule.

Now, summertime in The Buff may have un-officially arrived over this past holiday weekend. The temps aren't quite warm enough for me, but the nighttime remains above 50, and general 70s and 60s are expected throughout the days. And, the humidity is back so that comfy/cozy feeling and smell is in the air. So, while the the calendar still has a few weeks before "official" summer, I'm am gauging things on my own: I am done teaching until August, I am writing full-time, my son starts baseball this weekend, all of my garden is planted, the pool repair will be finished soon---so I declare that summer has arrived. Yahoo!

Each wedding is different, of course, and the variety of musical desires on the parts of brides always varies as well. So, I have pulled out all of these dusty binders and songbooks and other music that has been neglected over the past few years to search for sheet music or works for these weddings. I am even SINGING at all three weddings. Holy moly! I am excited to gather together the music for each and begin practicing. And, I have my piano to do it on rather than the keyboard, and the former sounds a whole lot better than the latter in my living room.

The biggest question is not the music for the ceremonies but the "other" stuff to play as prelude, background dinner music and so on. Over the years, especially in grad school, I have collected A LOT of music that sounds good, is relatively easy for me to play, and is appropriate for such occasions. Some of it is "classical," like some lighter/easier Schumann or Mozart, some is jazz standards, some is pop, and so on. This is not the time for a Beethoven piano sonata or anything "heavy" and extremely complicated. I have found a new binder that will collate stuff from the other ones, and it should contain about two hours worth of piano music in one source.

I don't think I'll practice everyday, although the next two would be ideal for getting going on this little project. It should be raining a lot today and tomorrow (remnants of official spring, me thinks), so I won't have to take breaks from writing to water the garden. Having a new "gig book" is exciting, and it has motivated me to try to find other places to play this book. Again, yahoo!

I realize that one aspect of my musical life (collecting all this music) has influenced my ability in another (playing weddings) which has reminded me that I could actually pick up other kinds of performing gigs (hotels, more weddings, background music for corporate events) and this has helped me feel better about writing all day because practicing piano is an attractive distraction. Allow me once more, YAHOO!

I am going to peek at my garden quickly to see moisture levels of the soil and stuff, but I think everything is doing well. After that, I'll begin today's "gig"---finishing Chapter 1. YAHOOOOO!

so much to do, so little time......

2009-05-14T09:51:00.002-04:00

I love that phrase. Alas, 'tis true. So, briefly......

I'm about to begin grading 115 exams which are six pages each. Sheesh. Sorry, Mr. Tree.

I just stepped out onto my back patio because it's very windy and I wanted to check on my plants and newly-relocated tomatoes and peas. I found that a pot filled with daisy-something-or-others (yes, I'll stick to musicology for now since I can't even remember the name of a flower I bought two weeks ago...) had some dead/dying blossoms on it, so I started picking them off. There is an official phrase for picking the dead flowers off of a plant so that it can rejuvenate itself, and ya know what it is!?!?!? "Dead-heading." No shit. Makes me smile.

I'm listing to the Grateful Dead ALL DAY LONG as I pour through these exams and keep an eye on my garden crop through this crazy wind we have here in The Buff today. Not a bad way to spend a Thursday.........

The end of "Pop Music" (for this semester, at least!)

2009-05-06T10:14:00.002-04:00

Last night, my Seminar in Pop Music met for its final class of the semester (excluding the final exam). This is the one where students create the content, which includes the study of popular music from 2000 through today. The textbook can't quite do this as accurately as my students, so we all do it together. They bring in the material, and I play DJ/video/audio controller. Fun fun fun. Youtube really helps on this day.

So, in a rather large nutshell:

1. "Bring in one song from one year spanning 2000-2009 that you feel represents popular music for that year."
2000----
2001--—Andrew W.K. “Party Hard”
—Gorillaz, “Clint Eastwood”
—N’Sync, “Pop”
—Orgy, “Fiction”
2002——Simple Plan, “I’d Do Anything” (power pop rock)
2003—Coheed & Cambria---“A Favor House Atlantic”
—Black Eyed Peas—“Where Is The Love?”
2004—Coheed & Cambria—“Blood Red Summer”

2006—Plus 44, “When Your Heart Stops Beating”
2007—One Republic, “Apologize” with Timbaland
2008—Katie Perry, “I Kissed A Girl”
Karson—Radiohead, “Reckoner”

Interesting, yes?

2. "Think of at least 3 bands that we didn't/couldn't cover in class who should definitely be discussed."

Incubus
Weird Al Yankovich
Garth Brooks
Johnny Cash
Ozzy Osbourne/Black Sabbath
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Judy Garland
Christina Aguilara
Depeche Mode
Charlie Parker
Coheed and Cambria
The Doors
Nine Inch Nails
Hootie and the Blowfish
The Backstreet Boys
Tears for Fears
The Mars Volta
Brittany Spears
Fall Out Boy
Morrissey/The Smiths
No Doubt/Gwen Stefani
Death Cab for Cutie
Third Eye Blind
Hanson
Brian Setzer/The Stray Cats
Kelly Clarkson
Radiohead
The Cure
Josh Grobin
Dashboard Confessional
Billy Idol
Foo Fighters
Stone Temple Pilots
Brand New
Rush
Journey
Reel Big Fish
Blink 182
Bush
Sevendust
Styx
Greenday
Weezer

Quite a list, yes? And, we did actually cover A LOT of material....but alas, how to do it all in 15 weeks?

3. "Name one or more bands who you would like to see REMOVED from the world of popular music completely." (This is always my favorite, and this question generated some surprising responses)

Nickelback
Vanilla Ice
Fall Out Boy
OutKast
Buckcherry
Chicken=dance dude
Hannah Montana
Creed
Will Smith
Jonas Brothers
Dream Theater
Hinder
J. Giles Band
John Mayer
Staind/Aaron Lewis
Revenge Sevenfold
Insane Clown Posse
Soldier Boy
Disturbed
My Chemical Romance
Great White
KISS
Tina Turner
Led Zeppelin
Pink Floyd
(Radiohead)
Scorpions
AC/DC
“Freebird”

So there you have it, folks. The past decade assessed through the wise eyes of college juniors and seniors. As I like to say in class, "Comments, anyone?"

38 thoughts, observations, and curiosities

2009-05-04T15:35:00.000-04:00

In no order of importance, I'm just going to make a list of 38 things that pop into my mind now and then. I'd be interested in hearing yours as well (it's a "38" list only because I become that age today. I just figured it was as good a number as any other on a day like this one!)

1. Why is there so much music by Phil Collins being played on Buffalo airwaves lately? Like, he has so much music (whether it is good or bad....not getting into that today, although thinking about that Phil Collins "Sussudio-I'm-going-kill-you scene" in "American Psycho" makes me giggle) that every single station can justify playing SOMETHING. sheesh
2. Every time the movie "Overboard" is on TV, I drop what I'm doing and watch it. EVERY TIME! How many hours have I lost, Goldie?!?!
3. I have determined that the Led Zeppelin discography is the music that best soothes my savage beast (yes, the true phrase is "savage breast" but I prefer the erroneous adaptation).
4. My mother contemplated naming me "Erin." I like that.
5. I love the water and even have a pool, but why don't I actually like BEING in the water? When I have pool parties, I hardly ever go in. At the beach, I stare at the lake/ocean from afar. Kooky.
6. Will anyone really ever figure out what dreams mean? How can I dream of a place I've never been and come up with faces/names/scenarios that have NEVER occurred? I've read all kinds of theories, but what a wild mind I have while sleeping sometimes (nevermind when I'm awake!)
7. Will growing my own veggies in the garden this summer really be cheaper than buying them? How do I try to account for this....water, time, tending...if there is a monetary figure I could use, I think it will actually be more "expensive," but I KNOW that it will be more satisfying :)
8. When will Nickelback stop making records? TODAY, perhaps?!?!?! For the love of God!!!!
9. What "age" will be come after the Digital Age....
10. Why is it that I can remember lyrics to hundreds of songs but forget people's names, birthdays, phone numbers and so on.......
11. Who in their right mind listens to Rush Limbaugh? So much anger! Good grief!
12. I have been thinking about getting another tattoo, but have no idea where to put it or what to get. That doesn't make sense!
13. Who came up with "LOL"? I prefer ":)" I know it doesn't connote the same thing exactly, but it's friendlier IMHO (LOL!)....ok, I'll stop.
14. When and why did Rolling Stone change its magazine format from newsprint to glossy? I purchased the recent one with Kings of Leon on the cover (love them) and found the magazine's new style to be totally disconcerting. But, I then renewed my subscription......craziness.
15. I drive on a good stretch of the thruway twice a week to work and often see people pulled over, I'm guessing for speeding. What is the max you can go over the limit before setting off a trooper's radar? Everyone has a number....8 MPH, 9 MPH, 11 MPH over the limit....I've never gotten a speeding ticket, but consistently blaze a fast trail home after teaching....luck or timing on my part?
16. Regarding thruway driving, did my deer sensors really work? Did those little gadgets on the front bumper of my car REALLY keep the ol' babes away from my automated death machine (on their part) with their high-pierced soundwaves? How to tell? If I hit a deer, then no. If I don't? The jury stays out.....quite a marketing campaign the sales department of that company has on their side, yes? I haven't hit a deer....
17. I often think that if I was really dedicated to my career, I should be driving a Hyundai "Sonata".... LOL! :) At least at one point, I had a Ford "Taurus".....
18. One of the biggest lessons I have learned from my son is how easily words can affect a person.
19. My son really wants a dog, and I have really resisted this although so many people say having a dog as a kid was really cool. I debate this issue often....no clear decision yet.
20. What was my most valuable class in high school? I took the gamut......Typing was a GOOD choice. Calculus....not so much.
21. Does the phrase "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger" REALLY help take away the sting of certain events? Yes, it does.
22. I have become a fan of "Sleeping/Taking Naps" on Facebook. Every time I go to that page and see the picture of the dude asleep on his desk, I crack up. See...I just did it, and I'm LOL-ing. Good stuff. :)
23. As for laughing, every time my son and I watch America's Funniest Videos (one of his fave shows right now), the clips that get my gut busting are the ones where people trip or fall down or something like that. Even if it looks REALLY painful for them. I just can't help myself. I feel bad when it happens in real life cuz I burst out laughing then, too.....oh, I am riddled with faults......
24. My "seasonal" allergies--which were really year-round ones--have all but disappeared, and I only found this out when I stopped taking my allergy meds (which I had been on since my son was born) because they weren't covered under my insurance anymore. Weird, right? I have no idea when I didn't need my meds anymore. Madness!!! My food allergies, however, have become more ambitious....
25. I stumbled upon a "paint can opener" at Lowe's the other day and snatched that baby for 39 cents. Genius! It's the simple gadgets in life that are ultimately the most helpful, me thinks....
26. I have a penchant for stubbing my pinkie toes. Ugh! Why? WHY? friggin' agony at least once a month....
27. Does speed-reading really work? I think it would be helpful for task-type reading, but I'd never want to blow through a Pynchon novel or a John Irving story. I savor the English language, sometimes...
28. I watched something about reincarnation the other night (couldn't sleep). What a wild concept.....how to figure this out? Hmmmmm.....
29. I think the thing I admire most in people--at this point--is kindness. Sheer kindness. I strive to be that as well, but often have uncomfortable memories of behaving badly. *Sigh*
30. Since I'm at #30, I had a great b-day that year. Really good memories. I'm a bit nervous about 40, though......don't know why, but definitely nervous. I'll have to wait that one out, yes?
31. In a battle of the bands between The Who and The Rolling Stones, I'm going with The Who.
32. My nickname in high school was "Boof." When people call me that, it makes me smile even still.
33. I really love the smell of Patchouli oil, although it drives my mother nuts. She thinks I smell "like dirt," and she has no qualms over saying that to me at any time she catches even the slightest whiff. Sometimes if I know I'll be seeing her, I'll rub some on just go to through that 20+-year old ritual with her. :) It's good being back home.
34. If I had to choose only one other instrument to learn how to play in my life, it would be the cello.
35. Will marijuana ever be legalized? I love this debate, and I do not smoke pot. It has never been my cup o' tea for whatever reason. Having said that, I've known/know people who do, and I love the absolute oddball logic nature of this argument. Holy hell. I drink Bud Lite and pretty much only that for several reasons: it's cheap, it can be found anywhere I may want to find it, it's a rice beer so my allergies stay at bay, and it goes down like water in this lil' body of mine. Good enough reasons for me. Having said THAT, alcohol does WAY more damage to our culture than a good stash of weed does.....yet the debate rages on......what a world.
36. Kurt Vonnegut is my favorite writer, and now that he has passed away, I always add to that thought, "but I'll never be able to see what he will write NEXT." And that feels a bit melancholy, to be honest.
37. In reference to #7, these are the things in my garden this year just because I am DYING to get this thing underway: garlic, yellow pear tomatoes, hot peppers, sweet peppers, carrots, cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, regular ol' tomatoes, cilantro and peas. The only thing that could make my heart warmer is to have year-round avocados.....but some concessions have to be made while in The Buff, yes? *sigh*
38. When my son's bus comes down the street and stops in front of the house, I wait for those squeaky breaks, I walk to the door and I feel my heart jump when he bounds across the street and up the driveway toward our house. He'll be home any minute. As this is the last item on my list for today, I already know it is a good day for me, and hope yours is, too.

"Peace, Love and Happiness: the Next Generation"

2009-04-23T08:31:00.003-04:00

Catchy title, yes? Over the weekend my son DVRd several episodes of Star Wars movies on TV, and since then, many of my thoughts have an additional tag, like, "Chicken Wings for Dinner: the Next Dietary Revolution" or "25 Tomato Plants Sprouting: My Next Career." Gotta keep it fun while in The Chair, I guess.....Anyway this blog is focused on the ("Most of the Time") in my blog title because......

Today is National Bring Your Child to Work Day. Which poses a problem for this Momertator (mom + dissertator=.....). My son is 9. A very cool 9, I might add. And, he's witnessed me doing all sorts of things to make some money including teaching piano students in our house (himself included), being in church every week as I lead choirs and congregations, tending to poinsettias at the ol' greenhouse, posting items and mailing stuff to customers from Ebay and Amazon, babysitting other people's children, I mean, the list goes on and on. But, as far as my "job" while he's in school relative to the chronology of other people's days (meaning those with more conventional employment, like 9-5ers), I am at home writing. So what does he do on a day like today? Pull up another Chair and become introduced to the mesmerizing world of writing a Dissertation? ah-hem......I am crazy, but not that crazy....

So, since it's Thursday, I'm taking him with me to the class I teach tonight. And, I've mentioned before that this is the class of 115 college freshman through seniors taking Music Appreciation from Professor Brady, yes? It's a huge room, there are many "interesting" factors to teaching a class this big, and the material is watered-down music history for the masses. But what other choice do I have at this juncture?

I'm kind of eager to see how this goes, and I have no uneasiness that my students, many of whom are 19+ but behave younger than my little son, will be fine and not act like jackasses. (Disclaimer #1: I have many great students in this class, but unfortunately, probability demonstrates that with a class this big, a portion will be assholes. And probability has proven correct yet again.).

Lately my son has been asking more direct questions about what I "do." This always makes me break out into a cold sweat, by the way, if only for a flash of a second. He saw me grading 115 quizzes over the past few evenings (and during part of the Star Wars marathon) and was curious. On the plane back from Denver last month, I had their tests and he watched my red Sharpie slash away at incorrect answers. He even offered comments like, "that kid didn't study much, huh, Mom?" or "do they have a music book to learn this like I have a math book?" etc. So he knows I'm a "teacher," but he has also asked lately about the hierarchy of education. He's in 3rd grade and his teacher is GREAT, but he's an active kid and can get bored at the same desk in the same room and so on (February was ROUGH on all of us). His favorite classes are gym and lunch even as he has straight As....that sort of thing. A friend of ours has a son in junior high (our term for "middle school" in these parts), and our sons play together often. Mine is fascinated with the whole changing-classes thing and having-your-own-locker thing that happens in 7th grade. He's DYING to be in junior high. (Disclaimer #2: I hope the bubble doesn't burst once he gets there. You couldn't pay me 19 bazillion dollars to return to 7th grade. For real. And I need the money!)

When asked, I've explained to him how he'll go to junior high then high school then college (planting the seed early on that yes, indeed, college is in the grand plan). And, I've mentioned how some kids live at home and commute to places like the University of Buffalo or Buff State and how some move away from home and live at their school. His eyes grew big and he sort of shyly told me that he'd like to live at school (which brought immediate tears to my eyes accompanied by a proud smile from his Momertator). *sigh* Nine years left.....

Oddly, this all leads me to think very little about how things will go tonight...we'll pack a bag of tricks for him and he'll help me pass things out and whatnot. I'm going to give him a little tour of campus, the Music Building, my office, the library, grab a snack at my little coffee cart, etc. He'll be fine. Instead, my mind wanders/wonders about what HE will be like when he finds himself a seat in a big lecture hall at his future campus. From my perspective, I look at my students week to week, and many former students I see on campus, and witness, sometimes in utter astonishment, their physically "adult" status and their conceptually (in my mind) "kid" status. I wonder what he'll think about his teachers, how he will get himself to class, what he'll do outside of class (tough one, there) and how he will be viewed by his peers and professors. I have no worries about his academics and interests and socializing (which those of you who know him will probably concur). But, man, will he carry some of the joy and optimism and hippie-tye-dye of his momma through such a quagmire of experiences? Will he find something he REALLY DIGS and forge his way ahead toward it? Will he believe in the ultimate goodness in the world even as so many around him demonstrate the opposite? Will he be happy? *Gulp.*

....I have a fascinating window from which to peer into this world due to this particular aspect of my "work day," don't I....every semester I watch my students grow yet they stay the same...I will always have freshman, sophomores, juniors and seniors. Just their faces change. My son, however, will gradually get closer to them and soon, those worlds will collide. It blows my mind and I am slightly exhilarated and slightly uncomfortable at the same time.

It makes me cherish every moment of him and my Momertator status even though I often forget to do that. I know I bitch about and bemoan my life "status" as it is right now, but holy shit....soon it will change. He will change, maybe even a bit by the time he jumps off the bus later today! So, remind me that I wouldn't change this for the world, or even 19 bazillion dollars, K?

peace love happiness.....yes?

2009-04-22T09:51:00.002-04:00

A few things I thinking of this morning before I start workin' on the Diss (and i have two hours before a piano student comes....that's my time chunk for now)......

Last night, The Dead played at the HSBC arena. I was torn about buying tickets when they went on sale because I teach a Tuesday night class that only meets once a week. But, jeeze.....The Dead. In the spring. The day before Earth Day. In the sign of the Taurus (which it now is and which I will forever remain.....). How many more nudges did I need? But, alas, I didn't cancel class and use an accrued sick-day (although my students whole-heartedly suggested I do so......nice.....) and instead discussed the 1980s with them. Oddly enough, I was able to work The Grateful Dead into the class in two effortless ways:

1. The rekindling of the GD spirit took the late 80s and a whole new generation of neo-hippies (myself included) by storm in 1987 with the release of In the Dark and the video for "Touch of Gray" in high-rotation on MTV (when they used to play music videos....). So we watched the video via youtube. Good stuff still.
2. I have a concert DVD from the July 4, 1989 Dead show at Rich/Ralph Wilson stadium, and was at that show (see post from 7/17/08, "The Hart of the Matter"). It was the first of my many travels with the Dead. Watching that DVD last night transported me back 20 years into that late-adolescent-just-finished-high-school-and-it's-summer-so-let-the-games-begin kind of vibe. And that feels really good.

So, my students and I got to "see" the Grateful Dead a bit even though I missed the show last night. The review was favorable (but not all that informative....see Buff News online). Hopefully they will tour again....

Oddly enough, I don't listen to the Grateful Dead much anymore. I have a great selection of bootlegs that have accumulated over the years and a ton of their commercial releases, but they seem to have taken on a very very personal role in my musical life. Their music has the perfect spirit for when I'm outside gardening or soon-to-be sitting by the pool and working around the house. And my son! He must get some ear-time with these tunes! But, I play them often in my car on the way to work. In my own space. I don't usually sing along, either. I just listen. And smile. So, maybe I'll start to play that more when I'm outside working rather than listening to the radio (which is getting old...not a great market here in The Buff).

It feels like mid-April has opened up a whole bunch of new things in these parts, and that's the great "gift" of surviving Buffalo winters, me thinks. The renewal of energy, remembering past feelings of inspiration, allowing new ideas to float and stick. Being a Taurus in the time of Taurus is good for me this time of year, too. The fact that my strongest astrological sign occurs when I need it most is never lost on me.....

So, four days of 70+ degree weather headed our way. Peace love and happiness rises again. I'm writing well on the Diss. I'm sleeping well at night and not taking naps. Away go the sweaters this weekend, out come the sandels and sundresses, and out come The Dead into my more public musical domain. Good thing I have great and tolerant neighbors.

Well, the Diss awaits, but it is a calm and serene feeling I have today as I recognize all the swirly goodness around me that penetrates and scatters all the negative news going on (like, really.....tragedy after tragedy, violence and more violence.....yuck. Off goes the news. Click.). I'll soon post a Grateful Dead playlist that will be my soundtrack for the weekend. Or, better yet, help me out suggest some of your own! It takes a village after all....and hopefully we're all wearing tye-dye!

red, black and blue---yet sunny?

2009-04-21T11:23:00.004-04:00

Ugh! I've been making some SERIOUS PROGRESS on my Dissertation these past few weeks. Like, really good stuff. Like, I can see the PhD in sight, that diploma gripped within my insanely tight little fist. But, duuuuuuuude.....my work is a fucking MESS right now. Dear God!

At some point in 2008 (it's in the archives....ok, I'll look. hold on......from 6/17/08, "Seeing Red") I posted about my writing process, that early drafts are in red font, then with revision they go to blue, then with full edit, to black and they are "done" until my adWISER (see "Diss Redux" post from March 09) tells me to go back and fix them. Then, the process starts over again. Sounds like fun, yes? Um, no.

In fact, just now as my boyfriend walked past my office and saw me with my head in my hands, he said, "What's wrong, honey?" and my response? "Why didn't I become a gardner?!?!? How did any of you allow me to think that GRAD SCHOOL was a GOOD IDEA!?!?!?!?"

Good stuff. And true to boot. ANYWAY, now that I have all my organizational ducks in a row, I'm piecing together these chapters from my writing strewn all over creation (well, ok...my office). And, it is a multi-colored tye-dye swirl of little letters twinkling on screen before me. *sigh*.

I have time, though. My classes at Fredonia are in the homestretch, and as I've reported in the past (check December 08), I shift the burden of the end of the semester onto my students (cuz that's the type o' Professor I am....ha ha). So, my workload for teaching is lowered. My son is done with vacation and back at school. This weekend will be awesome weather-wise so I am less tempted to go work in the garden, blast tunes and drink beers right now (notice "less tempted" not "fully denying the urge"....must....be...careful). So, yes, yes, this will all come together.

The lesson I am learning right now (jesus i just typed "write now"....get me out of this Chair!) is another one that I am sure someone told me many times before which I heard but didn't really believe so then I didn't listen until it came ringing back right now: Find a spot to be comfortable to stop and move forward or you will continue to rewrite and rewrite and never finish. This means that I am just going to keep writing in red.....plowing through material, cutting and pasting and NOT going back to revise to blue until I reach page 20 of this chapter (The Intro). THEN I will go back. Progress implies a forward motion, not a spinning-of-the-wheels, yes?

So, onward in red even though that makes me feel like I have a lot of work to do ahead of me. I mean, I do, but it's based on work that has already been done. I'm putting the pieces together.....at least I don't have to go find the pieces, I already have them. And they are going together well (right? please say "yes"). Yes they are.

Ok. Back to work.

ahhhhh, Brahms....

2009-04-09T11:33:00.002-04:00

Tonight I wrap up teaching the Romantic era to my large Mus Apprec class. Large meaning 115 students spanning all years of college levels, freshman to seniors. I've written about this class before, and plowing through 1500 years of Western music history is a strange teaching gig. There are many cool things about it, though. For instance:

--I am reminded how much this crazy shit fascinates me as I teach it. Without "having" to go through this material--especially the Medieval/Renaissance and Baroque eras--I wouldn't be working with it much because I prefer music from the mid-18th century through today. But, in essence, I love it all. I really do.
--I am reminded how much I really like teaching. I refer to the character of this class as "herding cats," meaning that I am constantly trying to focus these 115 wandering minds on the material. So, I'm sort of performing in a way....more theatrical, more dramatic, louder (it's a big room), sort of on the spot and constantly being kept on my toes. But, I like that. It energizes me.
--I don't get to talk much about the United States until the "modern" period (20th-century), but find that on my way home (45 min. drive), I think about the concurrent events that were occurring in our country in tandem with those of Europe. Interesting stuff (to me).
--I think that even though there are many students in this class who don't give a hearty hoot about this material and are taking it for the Core Credit requirement, I KNOW that there are those who do like this material. I can only hope that they have good vibes about this class. And, I get to teach it next semester, too.
--I am reminded how importantly I view music in the world. I think I actually understand the world THROUGH music. And, being reminded of that makes me want to burst into tears with gratitude to my parents and friends and teachers over the years who recognized that I "get it" and helped and supported me.
--There is so much music to cover that much DOESN'T get covered. But, the ones that we discuss, analyze and listen to more closely are some of my favorites. And tonight, BRAHMS. *Sigh*. He breaks my heart every time.

Right now, I am listening to the second movement, the Adagio, of his first piano concerto and I feel so peaceful or something. If you don't know this piece, you will have to take my word for it.....but it DOES SOMETHING to me. It settles me down. And much of Brahms music does this. I hope everyone has a person or artist or something in the way that I "have" Brahms. It's like, when I listen to his music--and this goes for almost ALL OF IT!--the world seems to crack open a bit and beauty, humility, and gentleness flow slowly out of that crack and directly into my body.

Brahms's style has been debated over and over in musicology. So has his personality. He was a Taurus, ya know, like myself. He lived and composed during the Romantic era, but did not indulge in the style of writing "program" music, meaning compositions whose music reflected or told a story or followed a plot. His is "absolute" music....a piano concerto is just that. A bunch of sounds that don't necessarily MEAN anything. But, holy shit....THEY DO! They mean a lot.

I can't keep going on and on about this cuz I do have other things to attend to today, but I find music that ISN'T supposed to "do" anything--like reflect a plot or story--and just "is" ends up being much more profound for me. Brahms gets meaning in his music somehow, and music philosophy/theory continues to debate just how our lil' brains process any of it and make sense of it at all. I certainly don't have those answers, but I can feel it when it happens. Right into my bones.

In this piano concerto, for example, within the first two minutes--as the orchestra begins the slow and luscious theme and then the piano enters--I can FEEL some kind of meaning. Brahms and I begin communicating. I don't always even know how to translate those feelings into words, but I am in a dialog with Brahms through this piano concerto. I am certain of that. I don't know the "meaning" behind this breathtaking piece of music and I don't know what he was thinking while he wrote it. And, I don't even know what he and I are actually communicating at all. (AND, now I'm even confusing myself by trying to communicate this to you!!! ha ha).

Oh, I don't know. I can spout all kinds of facts and musical razzle-dazzle, but here I sit, happy and warm, listening to Brahms, and I can't speak coherently about it.

Maybe that's the point. There are no words, really, that can describe what is going on in this comforting swirl of sounds that collapses historical time--Brahms's time over 130 years ago in Vienna and Judy time here in The Buff--when this music plays. But, it is my job this evening to introduce Brahms to my students. Maybe after a little biography on him, I'll just let the music play. And say nothing. Just let it be, so to say....

I'm stopping now. I'm going to start this piece over and just listen quietly. Maybe twice.....

"springing" toward a finished chapter....

2009-04-02T07:25:00.002-04:00

Couldn't resist using some sort of weather-related metaphor for today. We are gonna have a BEAUTIFUL day here in the Buff and I have scheduled NO TIME to really enjoy it. Until 3:30pm, that is, when my son comes home and we shoot hoops in the driveway or play catch or something until I leave for work. I do hope to open a window or two and recycle the air in my house though. These things need to be done. Yesterday was the first day of April and with it came a little rain. "April showers bring May flowers." Music to my ears, for real.

So the past two weeks have felt like I was living in 5th gear, flying down the highway with the cruise control set at 85 while I used my free hand and feet to seriously multi-task. Between going to Denver for SAM (which was great) and completely revising my Univ Buffalo paper and giving it last Saturday (which was great for me and I hope those who heard it liked it), only today do I feel like things have settled down. Phew.

My "new" Diss feels so good to me right now. I spent parts of Monday and Tuesday creating an entirely new folder of Diss material on my computer (my files and info were a MESS....a true sign for me that things had gotten way out of hand), complete with a page of outline notes for each chapter. Then I created real files--like ones you can actually touch and put things in with your hands) on the floor of my office and sorted all the research docs and copies I have (those were a mess, too....it was timely in many many ways that my revision breakthrough came when it did, me thinks), and TAH-DAH! I have five chapters of material and I know how to complete them. Holy canoli, Batman.

The intro will always be this nebulous gooey combination of written words that will be the last chapter to put to bed. But, the outline is very helpful because it keeps me focused in a very precise and efficient way. I don't have to read through pages of text to know what I'm supposed to be talking about. I just look at the outline and see the logic (well, of course, that's relative 'cuz it's MY logic....so, I may be the only one who sees it, but AT LEAST I CAN SEE IT, yes?) and relate it to the other chapters.

After giving my paper at UB, I spent another chunk of Tuesday editing it into a reader-friendly paper (verses a speaker-friendly paper) so I could send it to my adWISER (see "Diss Redux" post for the origin of her new moniker). I had to do this because when I read a conference paper outloud, I read it (I think) based on how I talk naturally with a bit more professionalism to my voice. But, as I write that conference paper, I do things like I do here in the ol' M(MotT) to remind myself to EMPHASIZE words or stress a certain phrase, like capitals, bolds, italics. So my paper looks very goofy, but I can read it very well. So, I smoothed it out for my adWISER and sent it off to her, which felt good. Haven't heard back, but feel hopeful. She's a busy lady after all......

Anyway, my task for today involves Diss stuff and other stuff. My sleepy son is waking up as I type this. When he leaves in about 45-minutes--and before he returns seven hours later--I have to grade 115 quizzes for my class tonight and assemble my bag for work to include all the stuff I need for a class of that magnitude (we are in the Romantic era....yahoo!!!). That takes awhile, but since I wrote the quiz and have taught this class many times, I constructed the quiz for maximum assessment value AND minimum grading fatigue (I'm sure any math readers could find a fun equation there: MAV + MGF==MJT (more Judy-time)). But grading isn't the only issue.....entering the grades is a science of its own. I have to organize the quizzes alphetically as I grade them in order to enter the grades before a new millenium dawns. So, that's my system. And it sucks doing it. But, that has to get done. Time deadline on that one.

What I'm really eager to do is re-read the 42 pages written for the Diss that were originally the first-half of Chapter 2 and have no become---TAH-DAH--all of Chapter 2. The details of that chapter are pretty much there (professional music making in Buffalo, 1804--1860). The missing links are ideology and comparitive scholarship, like what is all "means" and what work from other, more knowledgable and tenured scholars can corroborate or differentiate my own work. I like doing that, too. So I'm going to start inserting this other "stuff" today. And I have ideas of what that will be!!!! It's like putting the last pieces of a puzzle together. Filling in the holes. Watching the complete image emerge. And oddly enough, I love puzzles.....

ANYWAY, those are the things I need and want to do today. Tomorrow is shot. My son has a half-day of school, I need to go grocery shopping and to the gym=no writing tomorrow. Judy Day. Things that I don't need but want to do today include using the 12 green Miller Chill bottles in my garage to start some spider-plant seedlings (green bottles work better for rooting cuttings, IMHO), laundry, working on my garden, cleaning out my flower beds, and searching through landscaping websites for ideas (my backyard is now carte-blanche since the trees came down). So, I'm in trouble.

But, I'm in The Chair and will fight to stay here in order to complete the two major tasks of the day. And I will do that.

Another sign that I'm in the homestretch.....I put my book "How to Write a Dissertation in 15 Minutes a Day" on sale at Amazon on Tuesday. Someone bought it last night. It's already packed and ready to go (ooops, gotta stop at the post office on the way to work today....). I included a little note on the invoice slip to the buyer of this book. It says, "Thanks for buying. Good luck!!!" And I truly mean it. He's gonna need it.....

Spring has sprung!

"...see some old friends, good for the soul..."

2009-03-25T08:04:00.003-04:00

I have quoted lyrics before as a nifty way of leading into my posts. Never before, however, has Bob Seger made his way on board. Might as well say hello to the Silver Bullet Band, as well. Welcome, dudes.

Anyway, I didn't go to Katmandu last week, but I did go to Denver for the Society for American Music conference. And, as I always try to multi-task, I saw a bunch of all friends from my days as a Denverite, some friends from The Buff that live in CO now, and some cool musicologists.

I'm still trying to finish this paper I'm presenting at the University of Buffalo conference THIS SATURDAY (gulp. It's not done. But it will be. Yes. Yes.), so I'll just summarize a few thoughts and head back to the Microsoft Word docs lurking beneath this browser window.

--The weather was amazing, and I am a big fan of and highly sensitive to weather conditions. While I see progress in Buffalo regarding spring-ness, Denver had it all going on. Mid-60s to high 70s, cloudless skies, no rain (which for me was fine until my throat was so dry I could barely speak), and so on. So, good vibes from Mother Nature (note: I just hope that no random passerby driving through the surrounding areas of Denver decides to throw a cigarette butt out of the car and onto the parched landscape. As a Denver native put it, "Oh, it's so dry here. One spark, no doubt about it, we're all gonna BURN!!!!")

--The SAM conference was great. Really great. Such a cool crowd of people. And, I saw several really good papers...one about Motown in England, one about working class Irish/black workers along waterways in the Midwest/Buffalo region (including the Erie Canal!!) and the development of minstrelsy (using art works as examples as well...way cool), one about hip hop in Berlin and all sorts of big and complex issues of race, identity, ownership, territory, space (again, way cool), one about Gershwin's biographer and the implications of communication, expectation and personal investment.....good stuff.

--The SAm conference was great, part 2. I was able to see friends of mine that WERE graduate students have recently become full-on PhDs. This gives me great hope. For real. When I hit the conference circuit back in 2002 in search of a good PhD program in musicology, I met some TREMENDOUS grad students around the country that I feel priviledged to still connect with. Many have kids now (or even did then) and I find myself as one of many Momertators (and Dadertators) trying to sort out the messiness of creating the "whole life"--work, research, poverty (academic-style), and family. Ahhhhhhh. It was very healthy. I have faith.

--The SAM conference was great, part 3. The hotel bar (yes, usually cheesy, but with a captive audience, they couldn't fail) displayed continuous college basketball while providing cheap and refreshing beverages and an all-day NCAA happy hour. My heart feels warm and fuzzy just thinking about it (oh, I'm second-to-last in my bracket pool. Of almost 200 people. *Sigh* Yes, I'll stick to academia).

--Two amazing friends from Buffalo now live near Denver. On Saturday, after two days of conferencing, I met up with them for the day. This may have been the best way to end such a trip because it just made everything seem like it came back around again, like a big loop of my life not feeling so fragile and breakable anymore. Thanks Molly (and Shawn) and Tommy. I have faith.

--We can call it a recession, but there was little evidence of this in Denver. Molly and I strolled the streets of downtown on Sunday only to find no parking and every bar/restaurant PACKED with people. Again, very refreshing (compared to how winter/spring behaves in The Buff) and again, I have faith.

I will finish this degree and my goal is to do so in time for the next SAM conference in Ottawa (OTTAWA!?!?! What the holy hell? Well, at least I can drive there.....). This way, it would be my last conference as a student. For real and forever. "...there I go, turn the page...."

OK---Back to work. And that feels REALLY good to say.

Baby Steps

2009-03-10T12:11:00.004-04:00

After my rather over-blown yet somewhat cathartic Dissertation experience last week (see previous post), I gathered my wits and set down some guidelines. Two things drive my latest task: I leave for the Society for American Music conference in Denver one week from today; I present a paper on my Diss research at the University of Buffalo Grad Student Conference 17 days from today. Neither of these things, incidentally, am I overly prepared for.

The current task is writing a 10-page paper that will take about 20 minutes to read at the UB conference. I think I'll have a hand-out as well (no idea how many to anticipate in the audience....note to self: find out). The topic is "The BPO Gets a New Deal" (BPO=Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra). When I sent in the proposal, this topic was a smaller version of one chapter of my Diss. Since the whole revision and whatnot, this topic IS my Diss. Hmm.

Now that my Diss seems reasonably reasonable (love THAT grammar?!?!) in that I have a plan that doesn't make my stomach burn, I feel good about it. Part of my self-analysis from last week came as a result of having to get this smaller paper together. I REALLY like this topic now. Ten pages should be nothing.

Hummpph. Sure. But, where to begin? Such a small about of info for this particular task compared to what I have for the whole Diss. It's like a summary of all of my work, but I want it to be good and interesting and generate some Q & A afterwards.....the usual. AND, it has to have some sort of conclusion which I HAVEN'T gotten to in my Diss. So, this will be taking up all of my time until I leave for Denver in ONE WEEK. Plus other goodies always rolling around these parts that eat away at precious minutes with the verve and tenacity of a soon-to-be caterpillar run amok in my soon-be-blooming garden. These things happen, don't they....

But, this task DOES seem manageable and I am starting it right now. I'll keep ya posted. And, if anyone is interested in attending the paper, I'll post the schedule when it becomes available.

Little things. Baby steps. Small tasks even if they seem large. 10 pages. Got it.

Dissertation Redux

2009-03-05T10:31:00.003-05:00

This is a long one. Please bear with me....

Welllllllllll, it's been a wild and woolly month in The Chair (see post 7/10/08). I don't remember last winter being so difficult. While the seasons come as predicted each year, the various components of my life always change. So, while EVERY winter in The Buff sucks--the luster of snow and coziness and hunkering down diminishes exponentially through Jan and Feb--this one seems outrageously unbearable. And, I haven't been on my game enough to confront and conquer the antsy-ness, the boredom, the darkness (sunshine-wise), the chill in the air....and these elements seep and crawl into many many many others, at least for me.

I haven't progressed on my Dissertation in any fashion that accounts for how much time I have to work on it. For real. It's a writing project that is different than any other I've undertaken, including my Masters theses (I wrote two). I have many ideas of "books" that I want to write OTHER THAN this one. In a sense, that's what this Diss is, a research-based, academically appropriate 250-page tome that reflects my graduate education in musicology. But I have to get this one done before I gently lift the lid to the Idea Box (see post 2/11/09) and REALLY get going on some good stuff. A Diss is a Diss. It's not fun, but it has to get done.

It's not to say that my Diss won't be good. I think it will, actually, and for the most part I've had faith in myself to make it of good quality, reflective of my character, and a valid contribution to the field of musicology. And sometimes, it has been fun. I like writing. Thinking.

Problem: about two months ago, I lost all interest in it. Actually, I lost interest in A LOT of things. Simultaneously, I could feel something brewing that gave me anxiety---I began thinking and feeling that I was not going to be able to finish The Diss. Like, actually incapable. I couldn't grasp the point of it. It/I had lost focus, had lost interest, had lost that flash of ambition that (in my mind) screams, "hell, yeah. Let's do this." Gone, lost, but not forgotten. Sitting there, in my office filled with books and notes and deadlines. Until this Diss is finished, I have to pay tuition every semester AND I'm in an academic holding pattern--not really hirable at the tenure-track level, destined to remain in Limbo Land hustling part-time goofy jobs, eeking out a living like I have been FOREVER, never getting it done. Quitting. Failing.

So I sat on these feelings for awhile, not really letting on to people around me what was happening, faking it:

"Things are good!" (lie)
"Oh, still workin' on it. Making progress, though."(bigger lie).
"I love having the time at home to write." (biggest lie)
"Everything's great! Just a little tired, that's all." (goin' straight to hell for that one).

It was noticeable, however, but I would just sigh and glibly utter, "Can't wait til spring!" (truth that hides the lies). blah blah blah.

When I was younger, I wouldn't have sat on this kind of uncomfortable, awful, edgy, embarrassed, discombobulated kind of existence for very long, or at least as long as I have so far. I would have said, "well, insert quick and final decision here and that's that." I have had to learn patience---yes, my friends reading this are nodding, yes----and it don't come easy to this lil' Taurus Bull. Instead of snapping my fingers, jutting out my hip (with one hand on) and swaggering toward some "new" plan that was quick and easy, I have--since mid-January--been watching myself, listening to myself, watching the world, listening to the world. And waiting. Waiting.

It's been excruciating.

But, then....something changed...perhaps, along with the sunshine last week. And the Beethoven (see post 2/26/09). And my son's continuous hugs and hopes and dreams. And my mother's unflagging support. And whatever the fuck else. A crack formed in all of this, a crack with some light beyond it. The anxiety began to wither away. I slept better, and not during the day (napping became a regular activity around here). My brain started to focus better. An idea. I had one!

I approached my Dissertation adviser with this "idea" that suddenly HIT me. Like a real hit. I could feel it mentally and physically. It had a voice. IT WOKE ME OUT OF A SOUND SLEEP (which is like waking the dead). And idea. I had been waiting, waiting, waiting for it. It found me, and I heard it.

An aside: there is no "How to Write a Dissertation" manual. Authors have made money selling books with such titles, and while I've actually read them, there is no accounting for each individual's Dissertation process. Period. I've already sold back many of those books.

Anyway, I should really call my Dissertation adviser my adWISEr. She is no joke. She has told me from DAY ONE that this process has no rules (except for getting it done). That I have to know myself better than I ever have (which, of COURSE, I thought I already did). That there will be many lessons learned and unexpected hurdles to leap. There is no mold. No path to take. I have to do it on my terms.

When I told her of my recently-formulated new idea (I called her after writing down my thoughts in a prepared speech-like thing so I could actually make sense....and slamming two beers....see? I do know myself!!!), her comment was, "Congratulations. You did it. You crossed that barrier and you needed to. I could have told you what needed to be fixed, but that wouldn't have been any fun, would it?" I had feared for the worst, of being told I was really destined to simply not be able to do this after all, that I might as well throw in the towel because this idea could never work as a PhD Dissertation in Musicology.

Not in a long time have a felt the simultaneous need to cry, vomit, and belly-laugh as I did after our conversation.

The Idea (in a nutshell):

--my ORIGINAL Diss proposal contains the evidence needed to support a book about three of Buffalo's predominant music cultures as they negotiated the Great Depression and New Deal programs. They are: the symphonic culture (mainly the Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra), the Polish community and issues of assimilation/heritage and "Americanization," and the jazz community and issues of travel, cultural space, racism and class. The title is "Performing the Nation: Music Cultures in Buffalo, New York, 1925-1940." This proposal contains grand theories and sweeping ideologies that meld music performance, economics and cultural geography. Five chapters. 300 pages. This is HUGE project working with archival materials, various libraries, people, .....I mean, just huge. The most and best work has been on the BPO chapter and the "Brief History of Music in Buffalo, 1804--1925" chapter. So, still A LOT of work ahead.

--my REVISED Diss proposal contains the evidence needed to support a book about how the Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra wrestled its way through the Great Depression and New Deal and emerged successfully (and remains today). The REVISED title is, "Performing the Nation: The Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra Gets a New Deal." This proposal contains good theories and relevant ideologies that meld music performance, politics, economics, and cultural geography. Five chapters. 200 pages. This is a NARROW project that provides a lens (the BPO) with which to view and blend other passions and interests of mine: archival materials (already secured from the National Archives last November), economics, the Great Depression, cultural theory, and the idiosyncracies of Buffalo's musical past. A specific focus that I AM EXCITED ABOUT. With all of these changes, my Diss is half done. I could finish it this summer. For real.

This may not sound as dramatic of a lesson-learned as I made it out to be. But, it NEVER OCCURRED to me to lop off huge portions of my proposed idea. I mean, I committed to that topic. I had to do it, right?

Nope. The "Judy's Manual for Writing a PhD Dissertation" now contains a valuable lesson that my adWISEr forced me to learn on my own, as painful as it was: stop and listen. Never be afraid of change. Be patient. Never feel like change is a failure of the present. Be passionate. Don't compromise.

The REVISED Diss makes me very happy. Finally.

And, the sun is out.

Beethoven at the BPO

2009-02-26T13:52:00.002-05:00

I attended the Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra last Saturday night. I've been thinking about it ever since. As I've come to realize, this singular event collapsed SEVERAL different threads and energies swirling around me lately. I think only by writing through them here at M(MotT) can I finally bring it all together. Ready?

I don't remember the first time I ever attended a "symphony" concert. I have had college-aged students attend such events for the first time ever as part of their grade in our course. Obviously, they would remember that. I don't. It was definitely before college, but I have no recollection of where, with whom, why, etc. It was not a common activity in my family, none of my close friends were into music like I was (meaning heavy private lessons, practice, performances, etc. as a kid)...I just can't recall. But, I love the sound of a live orchestra. As a pianist, I'm always astounded by the "group" element of an orchestra. My musical training was highly individualistic...practicing alone, performing solo, talking only to myself at the piano, etc. I could, alone, play the whole piece. It takes almost 80 musicians in an orchestra to perform their music, one line and instrument at a time simultaneously....Interesting that I can't remember my "first" professional orchestra concert.

I used to attend these events a lot, especially in Denver, but also in Madison. I loved it. Since moving back to Buffalo 1.75 years ago, however, I have not stepped foot into Kleinhans Music Hall for a BPO concert. Not a single one! Now, I can attribute this to all sorts of excuses--babysitters, cost, finding people to go with, negotiating downtown Buffalo (this is very lame as I love urban settings, but living in the 'burbs has made me wimpy, me thinks), and so on. Several concerts were very powerful--chills, tears, euphoria, etc. It's been too long since I participated in these experiences.

Classical "art" music has taken a back seat to my habits and hobbies since leaving graduate school and moving to The Buff. In fact, I have realized that MUCH of my music listening has taken a back seat as I have tried to resume/instigate a "normal" life 'round these parts. I teach piano lessons but don't practice much on my own. I teach about pop music but find my days steeped in silence while I write. I teach about classical music but rarely play it in my home (or, obviously, attend concerts). I think it but don't feel it. What the hell is going on with me?

I haven't gone somewhere alone in a very long, long time. I mean, yes, the grocery store, errands, all that bullshit. But like, an adventure on my own. And I attended the BPO alone. It was a last minute decision due to other plans being cancelled. My son was already at my mom's for the night, and I just suddenly remembered that pianist Andre Watts was performing Beethoven's Piano Concerto No. 5, nicknamed "the Emporer," with the BPO. I immediately hummed the main theme in my head and remembered that that piece is a MONSTER. And I love Watts. So, off I went. No child, no boyfriend, no one to take care of or deal with. Phone off. Just me. It was awesome.

BPO conductor JoAnne Falleta dedicated the performance of the Beethoven "Emperor" concerto to the victims/families/community affected by the Continental plane crash in Cheektowaga two weeks ago. Watts is an astounding, suburb and confident pianist. I'm really speachless as far as how to describe the 40-minutes or so that it took for the "Emperor" to resound through the hall. It was like I was transfixed, thinking about nothing and everything at the same time. It felt like I was in another world! I thought writing about it would help, but maybe the whole notion of "words can't describe it" applies here.

I saw this piece performed before in Denver. I can't remember the pianist, though (male, but the name alludes me right now). I did not feel the same way about that experience as I do about the one five days ago. And I think that's the point. I'm not the same person. I'm not negotiating the same things. And I'm not doing the same things and some of them--like striking out on more adventures and doing more things that I truly enjoy--need to be done more often.

I felt like an "Emperoress" walking out of Kleinhans the other night! Whoo-whee! There was power in that performance and it found me, someone who on that particular day and for all kinds of particular reasons, needed some recharging. I pictured Beethoven grabbing me by the shoulders, shaking me, scowling and shouting, "Wake up! Wake up! Stand up! Shout! Smile! WAKE UP!" It was wild. I can't describe it any better than that, I'm afraid.

And I hope I never forget it.

Idea Box

2009-02-11T09:41:00.003-05:00

I have a handmade, woven wood basket box-like thing with a flip-up lid (how's that for clear and concise writing?!?! sheesh) that sits on the bottom right shelf of my desk where I am perched now. My mother bought it for me at a craft fair my senior year of high school (which was not recently), and in the midst of a renewed popularity of The Grateful Dead (thanks MTV!), a very artistic friend of mine painted a perfect, green Dancing Bear in the bottom right hand corner. I've taken it to every place I've lived since then. When I look down past my right elbow right here in The Buff, I can see the little guy smiling up at me and "dancing." It makes me smile, too.

I am a taskmaster, to be sure, making lists, checking them off twice, and so on. But, since childhood, I have displayed a keen knack for finding 92 things to derail myself from the task at hand from time to time. Usually, it's because of two different reasons (which often act simultaneously): 1. I find the task at hand undesirable at the moment and/or 2. something occurs to ignite inspiration for other interests which have taken a back seat due to the task at hand. Right now, both are acting in tandem, and my Dissertation is at risk, I'm afraid.....

I love writing and really love research. And I love naps. Academia is for me! But, my Diss is bringing me down (#1 above)--I'm over it, not excited by it, need to do something about it, can't figure that part out, and so on--and, in my little mind, (#2 above) The Diss is preventing me from other projects. Of course! And, (#2 again) the weather is warm, I can see grass and sidewalks, I can stand outside without a parka, and I'm ready to go to Home Depot, rent a roto-tiller, buy some compost and get my garden going (yes, it's going to snow by the weekend but SO WHAT!??! Such truths have no impact on days like today...)

It is certainly not willpower or anything noble about myself that keeps me linked to reality on days like today. No way. Instead, my Dancing Bear box keeps me tied to today's task (Diss writing) and in The Chair more often than not, and I hope it proves itself once again.

This box is my Idea Box. It is filled to the brim with 3x5 cards and scrap paper containing scribbled words, phrases, and incoherent babble that, throughout the years, have blasted into my brain simply to wreak havoc and derail me. For sure. I don't dare LOOK IN THE BOX AND READ MY CARDS because I might as well as just call my dissertation adviser and bid her farewell. But, those cards are there. And more will be added today. Too many ideas. Get them in the box. I have pages of "research" to do.

The idea of the Idea Box was mentioned to me loooooong ago, I think. Oddly, I can't even figure out where or by whom, to be honest. Self-help seminar? Not sure I've ever attended one (and therein lies the rub....ha ha). Mentor? Perhaps, but who? Did I just come up with this on my own? Doubtful. But I like the ol' I.B. because it DOES help me stay on task, it allows me to get my little thoughts OUT of my head but doesn't cut them off either. It just allows them to percolate together as dancing ditties under the lid.

But most of all, I like the potential of the Idea Box, the gaze it has toward the future, the momentum it holds inside. I've been feeling badly about my dissertation, and with it being winter in The Buff (still, and perhaps forever!??!), I've been in a funk. Totally. I feel like I'm on a treadmill led by Microsoft Word documents that is a never-ending loop going nowhere. I'm just running running running typing typing typing.....I am not foolish enough to open the Idea Box and get going on some new (and MORE EXCITING) project nor am I going to Home Depot to buy fresh gardening gloves for AT LEAST a month....but sometimes, like this morning, like 2 minutes before I starting writing this post, I must look down to make sure that it is still there and grab some new 3x5-ers. Yes, my green bear is still dancing. My ideas are still dancing......maybe I am still dancing. Even in The Chair.

Ok, back to work.

The Boss and The Bowl

2009-02-02T12:03:00.004-05:00

I've been reading all sorts of comments about the performance by Bruce Springsteen during the Superbowl half-time show last night. I sort of watched it live while at a party, and initially thought he did a good job. After reading the criticism aimed at The Boss this morning, I watched it again (I DVR'd it at my house), and really have to laugh at people who more easily criticize something to make themselves feel good instead of finding any merit in it. The latter can be more difficult as it is ALWAYS easier to just simply dump on something rather than look for positive attributes....for some wacky reason, finding fault in others makes us feel better about ourselves, doesn't it? So, to those who want to criticize Bruce for doing his thing yesterday, I just want to say, "Be quiet, you ninny. You didn't get it. You are really, really irritating."

I am not a huge Bruce fan, but I like him and most of his music. I've seen him live three times and enjoy his shows. I think Devils and Dust is an amazing, haunting and beautiful record. But, I could easily never hear "Glory Days" again and live a normal life, too.

So, to recap last night, Bruce played for 12-minutes: "Tenth Avenue Freezeout," "Born to Run," "Workin' on a Dream," "Glory Days." Bruce likes to be funny, goofy, and understands the spectacle of show business. He is a showman who often sings songs about heavy hitting topics ("Radio Nowhere," perhaps) just as easily he can throw down a stereotypical rock anthem ("Born to Run"). He's got a quirky sense of humor and creates a "show" around his show. Hence, the referee last night, his banter with Little Steven, the call to put down our chicken fingers and join the fun, etc. AND, what better spectacle to let it all hang out than the friggin' Superbowl. I have no complaints with his stage antics at all. If you do, lighten up.

And, no, I was not suprised nor disappointed that he didn't play "Born in the U.S.A." My opinion of the event would have changed significantly if he had, actually. At the party I attended last night, most people said they thought he would play it, should play it, and expressed dissatisfaction because he didn't. While I think that Bruce's songs--in general--and his continued alliance with the workin' man absolutely contain political overtones, I think many of us miss the dark irony in "Born," a song that is very CRITICAL of America in a sarcastic manner. It is not a cheerleading anthem to our greatness....and the fact that Ronald Reagan thought so and used it in his campaign (which Bruce protested) STILL cracks me up. Anyway, if Bruce had sung that last night, I would have been convinced right now that he really HAD lost it after all. Since he didn't, I am more confident that Bruce is a smart showman who understands his role as a musician much more than most of us can (I will say, however, that I am confused by the Wal-Mart thing. Very contradictory. I think he'll try to get out of it. But, AC/DC did it too and survived without a scratch.). Next.

Another criticism stems from the number of people he had on stage. Yes, it was a lot. SO WHAT? It was a party up there. Like it was everywhere. Next.

He had a gospel choir up there for two minutes, another factor that one blogger called "a sin." Ummm, the original/recorded version of that song HAS A GOSPEL CHOIR IN IT. Oh, and the fact that he slid that same song into the mix, "Workin' On a Dream" (which is the first track of his new record) was called "cheesy." Let me get this straight....according to some critics, a musical artist who has a new record out and is hired to perform on the biggest entertainment event of the winter CANNOT promote his new record? What the fuck?!?!?! Give me one good reason WHY NOT!!! Oh, and I guess he can't make it sound like it really does (gospel choir) for fear of being called "overblown"? It's the goddamn Superbowl. It must be overblown. Next.

I guess why I'm so cranky today is that lately, when I read criticism about music or even what kind of news about music makes the national news (thinking of Jessica Simpson here..."weight-gain controversy"...um, really?!?!?!) I feel that critics and fans do not actually talk about the music. So, I will....

The E Street Band sounded great. All cylindars firing. Tight, organized, comfortable, confident. Having fun. Smiling. Switched gears from song to song like a well-oiled machine. So, good.

"Tenth Avenue Freezeout" suprised me as the show starter, and it's not my favorite tune, by far. But, its lazy, bluesy, romping rhythm was perfect for Bruce to interact with the crowd and warm them up. He didn't play guitar on that song and ran around the stage like a 22-year old. Awesome. So, good.

"Born to Run" is a classic and reaches all audiences and demographics. In fact, with all this snow around me and cabin fever surging through my veins, I would freely run along side Bruce to wherever he suggested. RIGHT NOW. So, good.

Closing with "Glory Days" makes a lot of sense. That game WAS the glory day for the whole damn football season, and it WILL be talked about over and over and over and over at small bars around the country for ever and ever and ever. And changing the lyrics to be more football-friendly (deemed "cheesy" by Bob the Blogger) was certainly better than singing about baseball at a FRIGGIN' FOOTBALL GAME. So, good.

The harmonies between the singers were balanced, even as they changed every song. Little Steven sounded like Little Steven, Patty like Patty and so on. Clarence Clemmens still manages to extract the most, um, unique honking out of this sax like he always has and that's what keeps the whole thing "real." Those musicians last night WERE the E Street Band in every way and did their thing. So, good.

So, to the critics who will speak up loudly so they can talk trash about Bruce Springsteen need to realize that Bruce will always be more famous, successful and admired than they ever will, no matter how snarky, clever or nifty their criticism can be. Music critics (many of them, anyway) often suffer from "never-gonna-be-a-rockstar-so-I'll-be-a-voyeur-instead" syndrome and love to tear down what they know they will never have. It's too bad and sad really.

Ahhhhh, ok. I'm done. I'm not usually this aggravated in my blogging, but whatever. These things happen. Bruce will be 60 this year. Good for him. Good for all of us. Next...

sick day/Music Appreciation

2009-01-28T11:09:00.004-05:00

Nothing pains me more, for real, than a sick child. I have been blessed with a healthy little guy, and know that there are other parents dealing with much larger and more severe sicknesses in their children....it's too much to think about sometimes....but here in The Buff, 'tis the cold and flu season, and there is no reason to think such germs would simply skip my son this year.

So, at 4am, I jumped out of bed because of "strange sounds" coming from "somewhere" (I was sleeping like the dead and had been up til 1am anyway....I got home from work at 10pm, sort of wired, not tired, etc.) and since then, I have watched my 9-year's body rid itself of all bothersome elements in all sorts of creative ways......and his mood is bummin' even though he gets to have a day off (today was gym....he loves gym). So, it's been 2 hours since the last lil' incident, and hopefully it will taper off and move to other locales. And, hopefully, one such trajectory is not MY body. That would make this week EXTREMELY difficult.

Last night's class was great. Seems like a good group and a few more have added. NOW, today, I have to prep a new class, "Music Appreciation," a 100-level intro to western art, "classical" music. The enrollment is 115. Most are freshman. Gulp.

I taught this course years ago in Denver, and always like it. It's a different animal than the upper-classmen Pop class. The course is a CCC (core course, something required early on in the college career that gives students "breadth" in their education). Many students who enroll have some previous musical experience in highschool or just "love music," and so on. There will be those who added it only because it was open (it's now closed, and I'm not budging the enrollment number), and I'm guessing a group of seniors whose advisor suddenly said, "You missed a CCC credit! You can't graduate this spring unless you take one." And, voila! I will meet them all tomorrow.

It's 15 weeks and 1500 years of music. I'm going to lop off much of the early Medieval stuff, or at least breeze through it. There is a lot of music for a class that meets once a week. So, for the rest of today, I'm going to get this party started.

While I LOVE LOVE LOVE exploring such a diverse body of music literature, the organization of this class is the kicker...grading, attendance (or not), administering tests, learning their names (I'm sort of a stickler about that, and I have a good memory, but 115 students once a week??? Oy.), making sure they actually enjoy the lecture (sometimes big rooms can kill any kind of charisma I may muster), and so on.

Little B just fell asleep, so I'm going to get going and try to be ready for tomorrow night. Work on the Diss has stalled a bit this week, but if I get this done today and my son goes to school tomorrow, then Thurs and Fri are Diss days.

Onward toward health and musical happines!

Donning the Professor hat, once again

2009-01-27T09:22:00.002-05:00

Today I go back to teaching after six weeks off. Six weeks!!!! It's the longest winter break EVER, me thinks. I gave my last final on Tuesday, December 16, and tonight I begin a new section of "Popular Music in America." I love this course. Our music history, in all its swirly mayhem, fascinates me.

I've taught this class in previous semesters, and it always draws a mix of performance majors, music business majors (I think it's a requirement for them) and random seniors who need an upper-division humanities elective credit. I first took a class like this while in school in Denver. I went back to music school as an undergraduate (with a Bachelor's already in hand....) so that I could beef up my music theory and history skills so THEN I could go into a Master's program in musicology. Although I played the piano all of my life, I needed some refresher courses on music history in order to successfully jump ship from teaching high school English to, well, doing whatever the hell I do now. All that money, time and delirium so I could blog from my home on a frozen January day, huh? (ha ha.....I'd do it again in a heartbeat). But, I loved this course and it set me on the path to being an "Americanist" in musicology. Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses waiting in long lines for concert tickets, and I will gleefully join the pack.

Anyway, I safely conclude that the students who enroll in my course because they see "Popular Music" in the coursebook and figure it will be a breeze ("dude, I know ALL ABOUT popular music, dude") are always shocked. And, the worker bees and students who are generally interested in our nation's history (or who have enrolled in other classes of mine) excel and make the class interesting. Here's why:

The historian in me sees the term "popular music" from a philosophical/ideological point of view. The word changes meaning like a chameleon, filing neatly in line with whatever musical product fulfills its parameters for that moment/era/trend. And, the Popular recognizes and rejoices in its rebellion.....it clearly delineates "the masses" from "the cultivated" or "the elite," the latter two terms being messy ones for what I'm trying to say, but are thrown around enough in musicology circles to be adequate inadequacies for now, I suppose. From 1776, those seeking to make America look and behave like lovely ol' England were shocked (even dismayed?) by the rugrats running through this new territory: drinking, dancing, partying it up with just a fiddle, a "drum," some racy lyrics, and no singing skills. Good stuff!!! And still going strong after 200 years, in my opinion.... :)

So, we start at 1800. We start with Buffalo (so I can at least use my dissertation research for SOMETHING...ha ha) and life in the "frontier." We move forward through the 19th-century and outward into our growing nation as the rich become richer and the poor keep working for them....wow, why does that scenario sound so familiar?????

ANYWAY, the notion of popular comes 'round and 'round...tons of topics and people from minstrel shows to Tin Pan Alley to ragtime to jazz (yes, jazz was once popular music!), to blues to early country and then.....Elvis. This takes about two-thirds of the semester to reach music that my students sort of recognize. Then we plow through rock, hippies, rap, alternative, blahblabhblah and I am always stunned by students who don't recognize "Stairway to Heaven" or can't name a song by The Who.......*sigh*. This crop may have been born in 1988. Holy canoli, batman.

I always enjoy this class but worry how little they (for the most part....I have had some crazysmart students along the way) know about our nation's history when it seems the perfect time to use that knowledge to, um, keep it going? And musically, in their recall of music from another era, they defer to "oldies" from their parents, which,......is often music of the 1980s!!!! I am the age of some of their parents!!!!! HOLY SHIT, batman! Really!?!?!?

So, tonight we will start by creating a consensus definition of "popular," discussing ideals and parameters of American "pioneers" and "citizens" (a polarization of stereotypes that I created to at least prep them for "idealists" and "egalitarians"), and discuss the three "streams" of influences romping through our country early on (a concept used in their textbook---European, Latin American, African American). And I'll play a bunch of snippets of tunes and they'll leave, hopefully to come back next week ready to rock and roll (in 1820, that is....)

The class still has a few open seats if you'd like to join....now where is that hat?!?!

Kings of Leon

2009-01-20T08:55:00.002-05:00

I listen to all kinds of music, and feel a special affinity for many, many, many artists, performers, composers and songwriters. I am not toooooo negative about the state of pop music because I understand that the music business exists AS a business and always has. Good stuff happens, bad stuff happens. And, of course, there is the matter of personal and collective "taste." As I tell my Pop Music students, artists who think they made a "great" record that will occupy the masses are delusional to a certain degree; there is no predictability or consensus in the marketplace of popular music. Prediction of success is a bigger gamble than facing a roulette wheel with your last chips, in my honest opinion.

So, today while I work from home, stay out of the snow and watch the swirl of events in D.C., I am also happy that I stumbled upon the band Kings of Leon. Every once in a while, an unfamiliar song will catch me off guard and I am actually INTRIGUED rather than just pacified. On these occasions, I don't rationalize why the song sounds like it does---another "hit" from a band whose recycled mediocrity will never change (Nickelback), an attempt at experiment from a bored artist (Gwen Stefani), the familiar sound of an oldie-but-goodie in the 21st century (AC/DC), and so on. Sometimes, a band will throw a song out there and I catch it. And then I must know more.

That's what happened while driving in my car about 3 weeks ago when a Canadian station played "Sex on Fire" by Kings of Leon. I had no idea who this band could be (new sound, unfamiliar vocals, great things going on) and no context to evaluate the music (from above paragraph). When the DJ identified the band, my verbal reaction was "NO WAY!!!?!?" Now HERE was something I could work with. And here's why:

--I saw a rangy and nervous Kings of Leon perform on a small side stage at Bonnaroo in 2004. No one was on the big stage, and I was wondering around Roo Village looking for something that sounded interesting and in the shade (oooooh, Tennessee in June.....look out!). I liked them. Young, sort of raw and powerful, definitely passionate and Southern Rock-ish. My Morning Jacket performed that day, too, and while I didn't know at the time that both bands were from Tennessee, I liked KoL's sound, hutspah, and intensity and somehow connected them to my pleasure with MMJ. Hmmmm. And maybe the Allman Brothers (love them!) Then I had a few more beers, wandered to a new stage, and sort of forgot about KoL for four more years. Ooops.
--Kings of Leon are from Nashville but are decidedly a rock band. I like that already. I really had no idea they kept making records, and as a viewer from the sidelines at Bonnaroo, that festival throws a mishmash of music together, and again, who knows what happens after. So, I'm glad they kept making records.
--lead singer, Caleb Hollowill, has a unique but crazylovely voice. Even when I saw him on stage at his golden age of 22, he had some power, youth and ingenuity. That comes through on the records, too.
--all the band members are related. Three Hollowill brothers and a first cousin. As an only child, I am very intrigued by siblings....how they look a like (or not), how they are friends (or not), how they display elements of being in the same family (or not), etc. I'm offering an analysis that these four dudes increase the intensity and focus of the band because they are related. Why not? Serious commitment, similar focus, being able to work things out, not fighting and adding silly drama to the music (Oasis, Black Crowes), live, laugh, love sort of stuff. I like that part of their biography.
--the name is a tribute to their father and grandfather, both "Leons." The father is/was some sort of preacher Tennessee. So now there is a deep religious vibe going on, some kind of spiritual juju that guys this young have probably not reconciled yet. A connection with their past. Does it come through in the music? Yes it does. Nicely, though. Not preachy. Searching and discovering. Good stuff. And, what a gesture....the "Kings of Leon." A tribute to their roots or something. Sentimental. But not sappy. Sexy and grounded.
--now on to the sound of the band....I used to write press releases and band bios for local and national bands in Denver. This is NOT easy. Describing a band's sound as a publicist is much more difficult than a critic. Publicists have to stay positive and come up with 42 different adjectives that can reach a reader so as to make him or her "hear" the "unique" sound of whatever band is the focus of the article. Sheesh. As a critic, the opinions flow easily.....
For Kings of Leon, I've already used rangy, raw, Southern rock, crazylovely, passionate, tight and probably a few more just in this short blog post. I can add spatial, meaning the production has depth. Caleb Hollowill sounds like he's standing 5 feet from the mic and just bellowing at times, yet it isn't over done (similar to the work of early Eddie Vedder, "Alive" for instance). Yummy. The guitars are there, too, but not "in your face/in your ears," at a distance but clear. So, great production, balance, and layering in the songwriting. The lead guitar is always crisp but fluid and full, like a big tube of blue neon....see what I mean? What am I talking about??? Anyway, the drummer plays tastefully, and the only term I can come up with is from my days as a classical pianist: con fuoco. Italian for "with vigor and speed" derived from the Latin "fire." Like Beethoven. That sums up the drummer. For sure. And one final thing, I love love love the lead singer's crazy voice. Raspy, haunting, full, wide. Like a surging river, with rapids, cliffs and deep calm pools.
--subject matter--there may be some issues haunting these young guys. There is some anguish, catharsis, pain, ecstasy, beauty, grace, sometimes in the same song (or not). The only track on the new record that I tend to skip over is "17." Other than that, I'm hooked. Line and sinker. And as I absorb the past records, I'm almost giddy.

So, that's that. See/hear for yourself if interested. Challenge my musings if needed. And as always, embrace new music at all costs!!!

semantics by the seashore

2009-01-08T09:37:00.002-05:00

I've been back in The Buff for a few days since a great week in SoFla (my term for southern Florida), but I can't get this one thought out of my head....Saturday was our last day at the beach, and it was a doozy of a gorgeous day--80 degrees, no clouds, no wind. Perfect. After collecting some seashells at the tide line for a while, we decided to swim into the waves and have some fun. The water was beautiful and the salt felt good on my skin.

Well, after a bit of wave jumping, a big surge came into shore, and I very suddenly and surprisingly got tossed around in the undertow like an elbow noodle on a boiling stove. (I am a very good swimmer, by the way). Holy crap. It was definitely scary, and my ankle bone hit some rock or big shell or something at some point. It started to bleed, the salt stung, fun over.

As I climbed back onto shore, I was sputtering and out of breath (I really got knocked around, actually), and bruised and astounded. But slightly exhilarated...I made my way back to the towel, dumped some fresh water on my face, took a swig, and sat down to regroup, tend to the ankle, and view the water from the sidelines.

Immediately, my little voice started singing, "I can hear the ocean's roar" from Led Zeppelin's "The Ocean." That's exactly how I felt. Like this giant, salty animal had very clearly stated that no skinny, pasty girl from The Buff could be a match for even the slightest gesture in lowtide. Well, ok then.

Next, as I sat singing the entire song "The Ocean" under my breath, I realized that I wasn't sure about the context of my little tagline from above. Was it choice #1: "I can hear the ocean's roar" or choice #2: "I can hear the oceans roar." Small little apostrophe asserts big semantic consequences. And, of course, I was at the beach, no Internet in sight. So I pondered this all damn afternoon. And I'm just now getting it on paper (as if that would help clarify).

Did I hear THIS particular part of the ocean (choice 1), the section of beachfront at Lake Worth swirling around my flailing arms and legs? Or did this represent THE ENTIRE body of ocean energy, broken into many by landmass but always roaring as one, and I was able to experience an individual and momentary connection to it?

I've checked lyric websites (which I've found to be sadly, sadly, riddled with errors to begin with) and there is a 50/50 split on the presence of the apostrophe. Hmphf.

I remember how I felt, and will defer to the meaning of Choice #2. I heard the oceans roar. One voice spoke for many as saltwater, shells, seaweed, etc, crashed into my body. Roar! Indeed!!!! I may be tough and certainly crazy, but The Ocean is no joke, and I am humbled. Had I the breath and the wits to do it, I would have roared back as I sat on my blanket, staring out at the waves. I think I chose wisely to sit quietly and sing to it, instead.

Roar!

Great Moments of 2008

2009-01-01T13:17:00.002-05:00

Although it has been WONDERFUL to have some time in southern Florida to hang in the sun, read fluff books, and sleep a lot, I am buoyed by the thought of returning to The Buff, seeing my son, and getting back to normal. And, with these thoughts come some reflection--sitting by the ocean and listening to real waves hit the beach (instead of my CD of "beach sounds" that wakes me every morning) greatly encourages such things. *Sigh*

So, a list of some of my greatest moments of 2008, in no particular order. They come as they come. Feel free to send me yours!

--presenting a paper at Columbia University/being in NYC
--swimming in my pool with my son
--enjoying the news of births of two girls to two girlfriends (and their spouses)
--seeing the piano movers arrive in my driveway with the recently purchased Baby Grand (BG)
--leading my church congregation in singing traditional Christmas hymns
--learning a Shostokovich prelude on the ol' BG
--flashing my "Researcher" card at the National Archives
--realizing moments of clarity and confidence in my Diss writing
--pajama/movie days with my son
--hosting a baby shower/making goulash/carving pumpkin bowls
--seeing my friend Cara in Erie
--rocking out to the Foo Fighters in Rochester
--tasting salt water on my lips after swimming in the ocean in FL
--getting a homemade Valentine's card from my little guy
--visiting old friends in Madison
--successfully teaching a wonderful bunch of piano students
--singing "Love Can Build a Bridge" at church for my parents' anniversary (my mom's favorite song)
--finding my Nano/iPod/Shuffle, and keeping track of them!
--watching Obama's acceptance speech
--starting a garden (and successfully reaping edible food!)
--"Girls Weekend" in Lake Meade
--rediscovering my love for the music of Shostokovich and Brahms
--having an early Christmas with my family at my house/making chili for first time (and having it taste pretty damn good)
--watching my son play the piano
--happy hours with Raquel
--joining FaceBook
--having long, breezy chats with my mom from time to time

I'm sure there are more and many more to come.....Happy New Year!!!
--feeling the now-familiar satisfaction of being in The Buff

Grading and "Girl Talk"

2008-12-16T11:19:00.002-05:00

Tonight I will be swamped with research papers, final exams, journals, and all-what-else as I wrap up another sweet semester as part-time Prof. For some crazy reason, my final exam is scheduled for 8:30 PM this evening....my students are not happy. Neither am I, but it does give me all of today to do many things which are fun while, I'm sure, my students are scrambling to complete assignments. Such is life in mid-December...

So, I'm creating the syllabus for my Pop class for next semester because it is a very easy and satisfying task. Cut and paste the current into a new Doc, edit the calendar, tweak various sna-fus that popped up throughout the fall, and yahoo! Done. Print. Copy. File 'til January.

I am horrible at keeping track of grades in an official/professional manner. I write them down on sheets of paper that contain a high risk of getting lost (but never have) all the while knowing that Excel spread sheets exist for my convenience. So at this moment on this crisp sunny morn, I'm Excell-ing and organizing my gradebook. What makes this so much fun is that I have the house to myself and am BLASTING the music of Girl Talk.

Who? you say. The name is misleading. "Girl Talk" is a young and savvy tech-y guy exactly a decade younger than myself who specializes in mash-ups. What? you say. I understand. I know the term "mash-up"--taking various tracks of two or more songs, piling them on top of each other and *poof*--new song. Fun stuff. But, I had know idea who this "person" was until a Pop student brought him into class last week (see blog from 12/10) as an example of music from 2008. And I'm so glad he did! I'm having the time of my life right now...entering little numbers into even littler boxes, tabbing, calculating, and listening to Greg Gillis/Girl Talk weave his way through the history of pop music. Whoo-hoo. How? you say. Here it is:

From what I can speculate, Gillis/"GT" has more command of his computer's music making functions that 99% of us (well, definitely me, at least) while ALSO displaying an absolutely astonishing and keen awareness of pop music form, content and history. I have a smattering of his work rolling through my iTunes today, and below are the contents of one particular song and the pieces that I can identify:

"Play Your Part" length: 4 mins, 45 seconds

--drum intro--2 seconds...ARgghhh. sounds like the intro to Roy Orbison's "Pretty Woman" but faster
--bass line--"Gimmie Some Lovin'"--Traffic
--vocals, no idea
--hand-claps--damn....taken from something familiar....grrr..... can't identify
--new vocal loop--no idea (i'm beginning to feel inferior by now.....)
--new rhythm track--i've got nothing
--new melodic/harmonic track. YES! "Let My Love Open the Door" slow remix, Pete Townshend
--new-"We're Not Gonna Take It"--Twisted Sister with unidentified female vocals
--new--"Hunger Strike"--Temple of the Dog
--new--can't get the harmonic track, new vocals, didn't get that either
--handclaps--same as earlier sample
--new--Sinead O'Connor "NOthing Compares 2 U" sped up
--last sample--can't get it.
Song over.

So, I would certainly lose at "name that tune" if this was the selection, although, I usually kick-ass at that. I could lose hours of my life due to Girl Talk....

OK, one more...this is the one my student brought in called "Like This:"

--opening--a mash of stuff. I can get the early low track as something from early 90s hip hop. Then it's "Back to Life" by Soul II Soul,
--snippet of LL Cool J's "don't call it a comeback" song
--"body movin"--can't get the artist
--bass line--nothing
--"Rock and Roll Hoochie-Coo"--guitar riff
--organ track--remake of "Superstar"
--Diana Ross, "Upside Down"
--Janet Jackson rhythm track...what song, dammit?!?! something early. "Rhythm Nation"?
--The Carpenters are in there somewhere
--Metallica--"One"
--can't get the rapper
--song over.

Shoo.

I'm am exhausted yet exhilarated. How in the hell would I do a mash-up of my own? The time! The meticulous matching/mashing/mixing.....mon Dieu! But the potential that exists to create and re-create is endless. I'm actually glad that I DON'T know how to do this with any efficiency. My Diss would NEVER get done.

OK, back to my mid-morning mash-up...grades, music, coffee, snacks. Not as interesting as "Girl Talk," me thinks......

Popular Music 2000-2008

2008-12-10T12:44:00.003-05:00

This was the "title" of my final lecture for the semester in my Popular Music class. *Sigh.* We met last night to discuss the current state of pop music in the current decade. The textbook I use does a pretty good job of moving chronologically through American pop music history from the early days of good ol' minstrelsy (never an easy subject to teach) to today. Well, the book was published in 2005. So, until then, I guess. The biggest flaw in the book is, indeed, the final chapter. How do you write history while living it?!?!? Oh, wait......blogging. Ha ha!

Anyhoo, I mentioned in the last post that I like to shift the burden of the work at the end of the semester toward my students. Yep, that's the kind of professor I am, dammit! While they are already scrambling and all-nighting, I ease off my responsibilities and give them even more. But wait, before any raised-eyebrows get tilted my way, here's the method behind my madness:

My Pop students were in charge of creating the content of last night's lecture by preparing the following things:

1. select one song from one year between 2000 and 2008 that is a good representative of "popular" music for that year. Explain how it contributes to our historical consideration of "popular music" in the US. Explain what elements of the song (artist, production, genre, etc.) caused it to become popular.
2. Offer three artists who remained absent from our discussion of popular music, or the book's discussion, but who belong in it and why.
3. Offer one or more artists who should be beamed off the planet due to the advent of their popularity.

I did, actually, bring in examples of my own to contribute. I used Kelly Clarkson's "Breakaway" for #1; Kansas, BTO, and Hall & Oates for #2; Nickelback, Maroon 5, and the J.Geils Band for #3.

On the whole and throughout the semester, my Pop students were not as enthusiastic about the course material as one might think. It is a history class, after all, so we have to actually talk about and dissect not only the music, but the events, people, places, times surrounding the music. We can't just "simply" sit around and listen to tunes all the time. *Sigh.* I will be the first to admit that I would prefer to create a course simply called "Led Zeppelin," and be done with it. And, alas, sometimes, the actual enjoyment of music in music history classes gets bogged down by, well, the history.

But, last night's class rocked. I have a smart classroom so almost all of the selections had videos/clips available on youtube, which was fun. My students were enthusiastic and had a lot of things to say about the music of "their" decade. I, in turn, felt connected to them a bit more than I have in the past. Although I still feel (and probably act) like a 20-year old, I....am.....not. *Another sigh.* There have been moments teaching pop music, like the week of the 1980s, where I felt totally old, out of touch, and wrinkly. Last night, my students absolutely taught me things about the past 9 years of music that I would never have known. Lovely way to spend a snowy Tuesday, me thinks.

Here's the best part, the part that makes me blush with pride in my young 20-something students.....below is our compiled list of bands who should be beamed off their earth. Zap. Gone. Not a tear shed. Bye-bye bands we don't like (and now you know who you are):

Nickelback
Maroon 5 (I just typed "Moron 5" without even trying to be funny. How funny!)
J. Geils Band
Creed
Axl Rose (after the GnR breakup)
Britney Spears
Miley Cyrus and all aliases
U2
Lindsey Lohan (as singer and all else)
everything to do with High School Musical
Hanson
Jonas Brothers
Coldplay
Tool
Rufus Wainwright (I guess he performed during the college's SpringFest recently. Not good.)
Cher
Gwen Stefani
Hinder/Seether

Hope for the future, yes indeed. *Final Sigh*

the end of "Romanticism and Music"

2008-12-04T08:38:00.002-05:00

Today, as I hope to finish an "official" Diss Prospectus to be sent into my grad school "file" (who knows what that contains at this point) in Wisconsin, I also have to prep my last lecture for my "Romanticism and Music" class that I'll teach tonight. It's not the end of the semester quite yet, but we've entered the home stretch. Yahoo!!!

I've been entrenched in academia--with fits and spurts--for almost 20 years. Holy canoli, Batman. I've been teaching in it for seven, on and off as I've also had to complete course work for the ol' PhD. And, as a part-timer, I've also had to acquire side jobs and other means of income which I've written about here in M(MotT). This demands some kind of efficiency on my part--which also comes in fits and spurts--and the implementation of more than a few tricks of the trade, so to say.

An interesting thing I've noticed about myself is the wave of momentum that comes to me at the end of the semester. I've seen friends, peers and students bleary-eyed and sleep-deprived as they stagger through the last weeks of the fall semester while I, in turn, have the endless stamina of the Energizer Bunny. I don't know why. I see the finish line--in this case December 17--and sprint for it, completing assignments, sleeping well, checking tasks of the my list and checking it twice for gaps. My stuff gets done in these last few weeks better, faster, and with more gusto than I usually muster for other times in the semester. Kookie!

In my teaching duties, I pad the end of the semester in ways that allow me to do less of what I'm supposed to do and more of what I want to do. Several friends and classmates can attest to this--the "time to do what I want to do" thing. When I know I'm getting a break, I make it as long and personal as I can.

Sooooo, tonight I will present a mini-lesson on the last Romantic "duality" (a concept that I created to organize my Romanticism and Music class) we have to cover, "Tradition vs. Revolution." This is the eighth one. Previous weeks explored Crowd vs. Individual, Program music vs. Absolute, Man vs. Nature, Science vs. Irrational, Professional vs. Amateur, Nationalism vs. Internationalism, and Material vs. Ideological. By now, Tradition vs. Revolution is fairly obvious regarding music and other aspects of Romantic ideology. That's why it's last. So, I have 20 minutes of lecture tonight. My students will take up the other 120 minutes giving mini-lessons of their own based on their research papers.

I get to listen to their thoughts, make comments and run the audio equipment. Each presentation is 10-minutes. A powerpacked nugget that requires them to be concise and streamlined in their verbal skills. They have to give a one sentence definition of Romanticism as it applies to our class's exploration of it (not just the ol' standard of "it's a period in history between 1820-1900." I believe that strategy of teaching "history" is hogwash, if you're wondering). Then they state their thesis (which we've worked on creating), their musical topic, their reasoning for connecting these three elements (Rom, thesis, music), and an audio example that summarizes it all. So I get to be both critic and DJ tonight. Yes!

My presentation on Trad vs. Rev consists of two things: Shostakovich's Piano Concerto No. 2 in F Major, Opus 102 and The Who's performance of "Won't Get Fooled Again" from the Concert for New York City DVD from December 2001 (after the events on 9/11 of that year).

Here's my rationale for both: I've mentioned my affinity for Shostakovich. I can do no better describing how much I just friggin' dig his music other than, I do. From the get-go I always have. Plus, his life is fascinating from a historian's point of view (probably not so much from his). He had to constantly defend or shelter himself for the Communist regime under Stalin, to the point (many historians argue) that his "commitment" to Communism was an act that both saved his life and allowed him to circumvent the censors by writing "nationalistic" music that actually criticizes the regime itself. Gotta love that kind of subversion! Play by the rules to break them, I say. Anyhoo, this particular piece was written for and debuted by his son, Maxim in 1957 when the boy was 19 years old. It is an astounding piece (find it and take a listen) in its entirety but I will only play the first movement (there are three altogether). My thought here is that Pappa Shost passes the baton, so to say, to his son, and Maxim--who is still alive--which permits him to eventually live a life of artistic freedom that his father never knew and had to navigate and negotiate with his entire life. And you can HEAR it in the music. Well, at least I can. And I'm the professor, so...... (ha ha. just kidding). I have a kick-ass sound system in my room, and no other classes meet near mine tonight. Look out!

For The Who snippet, I have a DVD of the Concert for New York City which took place shortly after the events in Manhattan on 9/11. Most performances are ok, but The Who blows the lid off of Madison Square Garden. I have never seen men of this generation so poignantly defend the notion that music has power and tenacity like this brief performance. So, again, they pass the baton to the rest of us to be diligent against stagnation, laziness and conformity and to always strive for what we believe in. Good stuff. Let the wild rumpus begin, I say.

And then next week, the whole class session is the rest of the presentations (I have 26 enrolled). I've met with each of my students to discuss their research, and the topics range from Brahms to Bob Dylan, Chopin to Clapton, Liszt to Led Zeppelin. Makes my heart happy just to think of what these kids will come up with, and this has been a great class.

Next semester, I'm not teaching a section of "Romanticism and Music" (at least I still have a job---but we'll see what Gov. Paterson has in store for me....) and I will miss it. I will, however, sincerely enjoy the sprint to this finish line.

OK, back to the Diss. And I think I'll rearrange my office and go the gym...Two weeks left!

safe and sound....sort of

2008-11-12T07:31:00.002-05:00

So I'm now carrying around a "Researcher" card as a souvenir from the National Archives. Whoo-hoo. It has my picture on it and everything. I should probably stop carrying this thing around today but the whole trip and experience was so surreal that I guess my access card proves to me that it all really took place.

I had to go to the archives in College Park, MD for the things that I needed after confirming at the D.C. archive site that they were, indeed, in CP. A free shuttle scooted through the city to get there from downtown DC. I didn't know what to expect, so what I encountered, I'm guessing, will shape all other archival experiences, yes? Puh-retty interesting....

Lockers provided space for all of our stuff. Nothing could be brought into the research area. Paper and pencils were around, if needed, for notes. My computer could have come in, but I chose not to bring it so I could focus on scouring the archives, making photocopies of what I needed, and taking notes later. Which means the next two weeks of sorting, writing, sorting, etc.

The initial smaller "search room" had binders and binders along the walls that pinpointed what the archives actually contained. One folder had "Federal Music Project" on it. Score! So this one told me what file number I needed and gave a quick summary of its contents. Then another binder told me where these things were: Record Group number, shelf number, box number, etc. A "pull slip" served as my "order" form. I could take out enough boxes to fill one cart at a time, which turned about to be about 23 or 24 boxes per cart.

"24 boxes at a time!??!?!" you say? "How many can there be?" Yes, I hear ya. My thoughts exactly.

The order form goes in and is picked up only at specific times by the "runners." This is my term for the perky grad students, college locals, or budding researchers who work at the archives and keep that place running in accordance to all the friggin' rules.

The "pull times" are 10am, 11am, 1:30, 2:30 and 3:30. This is the tricky part of the whole sha-bang. You are guaranteed to get your materials within one hour of picking them up. But, you can only have one cart at a time signed out. The book that summarized the contents was VERY GENERAL in its summary, and I quickly learned that an entire "file" (of 24 boxes) could be useless after a quick glance in a few files. So then I had nothing to do until another pull time. And so on.

Mon dieu!!!

I quickly learned to overlap my materials. One cart would come out but another pull slip was already in. Once pulled, those carts could sit in the back for up to 3 days, so I figured I'd gather a whole "Brady" area and at least be able to pick and choose what I needed rather than wait for it.

To put it MILDLY, this was an exhausting process. Two 9 hour days in College Park and my eyes were playing tricks on me, my dehydration level was dangerously low, and my multi-tasking nature had been shut down. Focus. Find any document that even MENTIONS Buffalo. Copy it. Return it to its place in the folder. Return folder to its place in the box (marked with a special Archives place marker. For real. I got yelled at for not having my place marker in a box that moved chronologically by YEAR. Sheesh!). Return box to cart. Grab new box. Repeat the last seven sentences. Again. And Again.

We stayed with my cousin the night we arrived in Baltimore and the night before we left to come back to The Buff. While unwinding on Weds and getting ready for the next big day, he asked me (like most good family members) what the hell I was working on (in a nutshell). I told him. He asked me if I'd be disappointed if I didnt' find something in particular (since I mentioned that no less than three professional archivists made it clear that they were not sure what I'd find "in there"). I said that there were a few "golden nugget" holes in my argument that COULD be cleared up IF the evidence is in a box somewhere and IF I could find such a box. Gulp.

And nuggets I found! This was the thing. I was exhausted but completely wrapped up in piecing this chapter together. It was like a soap opera unfolding with names and places and people coming along on all of this official letterhead. What has been written in Buffalo about the story I am trying to tell seems anecdotal or filled with conjecture. Some even contradicts each other.

Well, I've got the story, baby! It sits next to me on my desk, freshly sorted into color- coordinated folders (in chronological order according to the rainbow--red, yellow, green, blue, purple). Five years of federal documents explaining the painstaking process of implementing the New Deal in Buffalo's orchestral circle. Complete with turmoil, backstabbing, scandal, hand-wringing, pleas for more jobs, and heart-felt appreciation for the FMP.!!!!!! Whoo-hoo!!!! Holy f@ckin' moly.

I hope someone will care about this someday besides me (smile).

On the other side of things, we returned to home Monday to find one of our Beta fish doing weird things (he is Rojo, a feisty deep red one. Usually a tough little sucker) and floating around strangely in his little bowl. He didn't even respond when we held Psycho (short for psychedelic, a beautifully tie-dyed sort of Beta) up close. Hmmmmm....

One of our TVs shut itself off after 5 minutes. Won't turn back on.

My wireless router is "connected" but my computer isn't gettin' it. I've tried everything except a phone call to Verizon. I don't have that kind of time. Out came the DSL cord.

My microwave clock was set at "0:00." No other clocks were blinking or wrong.

My washing machine refuses to spin on its own. It simply stops at "spin." We have to go down in the basement and manually push the dial a bit more into the "spin" cycle for it to work.

But, I found the Nano.

I can only guess that my little house missed us and is pitching a fit. Now that we're back home and I have two weeks off from the greenhouse to write all this stuff into a chapter, maybe my home will become familiar, once again, with the sounds coming from my office......quick clicks from my computer keypad, the pouring of coffee, Groove Salad internet radio, me talking to myself, my slippers shuffling around the hardwood, etc. I cannot stop what I'm doing to call maintenance people and I have faith (oh, yes.....) that the kinks associated with Extreme Research (a new cable show, perhaps?!?!?! Hours and hours of bleary-eyed, frantic members of the Nerd Kingdom searching for that golden nugget!?!?!) will work themselves out as my chapter comes together.

Come on, lil' house. Let's get ourselves back in order. Deep breath.......exhale. Let's go.

Faith and Clocks restored, me thinks....

2008-11-05T08:29:00.002-05:00

Regarding yesterday's post, I fell asleep easily after watching Obama's speech from Chicago. I slept like a log. I woke up feeling fresh and clear. Perhaps my internal clock is adjusting. Finally.

I'm packing for D.C. right now and much less nervous about the trip and the research. Friends and family have wished me luck and have reassured my nervousness with lots of, "You'll be fine!"s and "What a cool thing to do!"s (meaning going into the National Archives. And yes, it is cool. For real). So, I'm returning to my usual energized self.

I got all of my midterms graded, classes taught, and clothing washed. Everything in order.

Now, I am a disorderly organized person. I used to be a huge slob (former roommates can surely attest). As I have learned to keep things in certain places and whatnot, I have also noticed that I tend to "lose" things as I multi-task. I put things in their place and forget where that place is. *Sigh.* Back on 7/23, I bemoaned my missing Nano, only to slowly remember where I placed it. I also described what I felt was my shaky faith that someone had lifted my iPod and iShuffle from my house during some remodeling. That notion had always made me uncomfortable.

Well......

I am riddled with faults, and I should have kept that faith in the world all this time (I really did give up hope on the iPod and iShuffle....) and the past few days have confirmed my notion that the world is, indeed, filled with more good than bad.

Yesterday while DESPERATELY searching through Diss notes, crouched on the floor of my office opening folders and skimming my own terrible handwriting, my pen rolled under my office desk. I reached under there only to grab MY IPOD AND ISHUFFLE!!!!! How the hell they were there? I simply do not know. NOTHING in my memory tracks my movements in any way toward putting them there. I can only assume that they had been lying on the floor and simply pushed out of the way and under my desk by other "organized" crap needing the room.

So, I never found the reference I need for my D.C. trip, but I have faith that either I'll remember it on my own as I wind my way through lovely southern NY and PA into D.C. 0r, I'll be able to obtain the book itself (where the info is) at the ol' Library of Congress itself. And, although my iPod and iShuffle were hidden from view, I should have known that they were still around.

I'm wondering about the climate in D.C. over the next few days due to the election. I expect tourism to be down (yes!) because most had to be home to vote yesterday. I also expect a certain faction of political people in D.C. to be hittin' the sauce pretty heavily at happy hour (ha ha). I expect I'll be able to judge from the looks on their faces who voted for whom.

But as Obama said last night, we all need to keep hope and faith part of our everyday outlook, and that the outlook must also extend to the future. I hope the McCain supporters can stop for a moment and become supporters of all of us. I have faith that they will.

I also have faith that when I get back from D.C., I'll be able to find the Nano......cuz it's hiding now, too. (Sheesh!!) Maybe it figures it's time for a change as well.......

daylight "wasting time"

2008-11-04T07:29:00.002-05:00

I took a nap on Saturday!!!!! For real! In the afternoon. For two hours. This is a beloved behavior off mine that I have missed dearly. I felt so refreshed and calm and mellow after that 40-winks. Ahhhhhh.

Then the clocks changed.

I have never really been a procrastinator. What needs to get done becomes part of a prioritized list in my lil' noggin (or in my Steno pad) that my days respond to and accomplish. I'd rather just do it and get it over with than let it hang and become a problem (i.e. stress).

I have noticed, however, that as I've gotten older and am working from home and have all of these jobs, that my Task Master sometimes goes on strike, if you will. Instead of getting things done, my TM will find deliciously nonsensical things to do instead. It's making me crazy. I'm making me crazy. I leave for D.C. to do archive research TOMORROW, today is the election, my son is home from school, I have nineteen different appointments and I have mid-terms to grade (that have been staring at me in my office for two weeks now. TWO WEEKS!?!?! Holy hell!).

And, I am exhausted. To the core. I start fading at like, 8:30pm (which until just a few days ago, was 9:30pm) because it's dark at friggin' 5:30. My evenings seem to crawl by, and as I try to go to bed early because I'm tired, I get a second wind. So I'm up til midnight watching my free HBO and Cinemax (part of a new cable package---only free for a few more bittersweet weeks) and accomplishing nothing except becoming addicted to strange vampire shows ("True Blood" on HBO) and watching "The Shawshank Redemption" for the 1287th time (without commercials, though!). And, I'm waking up at 6:15am as the sun comes up, even though my room is as dark as a cave and could get 90 more minutes of sleep.....Grrrrrrrr.......

Mon dieu!

There is absolutely no way that I will get my list done today. To prove that point, I have an hour before I have to leave the house, and instead of knocking off a few mid-terms, I AM BLOGGING.

I will need the Nano in the car today for sure. I'm anxious and jittery. Here are the top five reasons why (in my own rationalizing state of sleep deprivation/appreciation):

1. Today is the election. I live in Buffalo. If I hear one more fucking racist remark that only proves how ignorant the speaker is I'm going to fucking scream. For real. That shit bothers me. For real. It doesn't roll off. I can't shake feeling anxious for the future--not because of the President but because of the intolerance I often see around me (remove the "P" from President and I think I've located the REAL problem in America.....). It stops me in my tracks, and clogs up the gears on this spinning wheel. I can't even explain it I'm so bungled up (maybe a post for another day). Go Obama.

2. I have never researched in an archive before, and certainly not one out of town, paid for by a grant, in the nation's capital THE DAY AFTER THE ELECTION. Jesus. How am I going to sleep tonight?

3. My students---I have been frazzled and distracted lately and they can see it. I know I'm only part-time, but I like that job and want to do it well. And I don't think I've been up to par lately.

4. My family and friends. I haven't been keeping up with them either. When I have time to call or chat, I don't (some form of procrastinating, I think?!?!). Sorry guys. This, too, shall pass?

5. Oh, I don't know.

Hopefully tomorrow will bring some clarity as I will run myself ragged today, have absolutely no down time and drop like a sack of potatoes into my bed later (and sleep well).

In the past when I get overwhelmed, I turn to music to even myself out. I will do so today, but I can't even predict what how my fingers will guide my little Nano's song wheel today. It could be "Sundown" by Gordon Lightfoot or "Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit. No way to tell.

I am not naive enough to think that when I wake up tomorrow I will feel differently. This shit going on in mi vida loca takes time to work itself out. But, maybe I can feel just a LITTLE differently somehow. Just a teeny tiny bit. For real.

Ok. I think I'll start with Coldplay's "Viva la Vida" and go from there........

"...teach them well and let them lead the way..."

2008-10-23T15:25:00.003-04:00

I don't often quote Whitney Houston lyrics (although I have said--with a few beers in me--"Crack is wack" cuz that's one of the funniest damn things she has ever said). But while tending to the poinsettias this morning, I had a few hours to think about something my son said last night that blew me away.

Disclaimer #1: I am not a perfect parent. I have been blessed, however, with a very cool, smart, thoughtful child despite the many times that my "Mom of the Year" nomination has been yanked from my grasp by my own missteps. Ah-hem. I often feel like dropping to the ground, completely humbled, because his own little being takes me by surprise in some really astounding ways.

Disclaimer #2: It's hard to say whether my son's life is "typical" for his age. Many things tell me, "Um, no." But then other things tell me, "This is how it is and it is good." Often these two sentiments tug simultaneously at my heart. I work weird hours at weird jobs, he is surrounded by music, has lived in three states (he's almost 9 years old), etc. etc. He is also surrounded by so many people that care for him and his crazy mama that I am a firm believer in "It takes a village..."

Disclaimer #3: During this election season, I have worried about my son's quality of life as he becomes a teenager, young man, parent, etc. I don't know why it's nagging at me so much. Maybe because when he says things like what I'll describe below, I hope that the world will take care of him as diligently as I have tried to do.

So,

he's really digging this series of books called "The Diary of a Wimpy Kid" series. At first, the title made me see what the hell these were all about, but they are really well done (cuz the "wimpy" kid is the epitome of a nice, smart, creative, cool kid). They are a series of books with cartoons and the day-to-day thoughts of this kid who is probably around my son's age. And they're funny and thoughtful and quirky and all that. We went to my son's school's book fair last night because the author created a new book where the child reading the book actually gets to fill in the book, so my son becomes this kid and can make up stories. My son is all over this, and had his pencil out in the car ride home, filling in stories and stuff.

I also had to attend a wake last night, so I was gone for a few hours. When I got home, my son had been filling in some stuff in his new book. He finally goes to bed and begins reading, and I'm pooped and kind of still upset about the wake, and just want to go to bed myself. He says, "Hey Mom. Wanna hear some of the stuff I wrote in my book?" In my head, I said, "No. I'm tired." Out loud, I said, "Absolutely," and plopped down next to him to hear his various musings. He's going through some cartoons he filled in and gets to a "you fill in the blank" page. Funny stuff that boys like such as, "If I wake up tomorrow as an animal, I'll be a ________."

Then he says, "Oh, Mom, I think you'll like this one." He proceeds to read the following: "I officially predict that 10 years from now, cars will run on 'blank' not gasoline."

Me: Did you fill in the blank yet? (because he actually said "blank")

My son: Yep! Wanna hear it?

Me: Of course I do. Whadya come up with?

My son (clearing his throat): "I officially predict that 10 years from now, cars will run on music not gasoline." Big grin.

Me (stunned, looking at his big smile, eyes welling up, throat closing): Wow. That's a really cool idea, honey. (pause, clearing throat). Wow. Wouldn't that be cool if it ever comes true?

My son (without pause): Well, that WOULD be cool because gas is expensive, and music is free. And gas makes everyone stressed out and music makes everyone happy.

Me (still stunned, blinking back tears, about ready to lose my shit): Well, I think you are absolutely right.......

So, he's going to walk through our front door any minute now, and we'll hang for a bit before we hop in the car, I take him to grandma's, and I drive the 34 miles to work tonight.

Wouldn't it be nice if driving a car filled with music would get me there.....

The Poinsettia Whisperer

2008-10-17T07:16:00.002-04:00

I have become a Poinsettia Whisperer. I will be the first to admit some skepticism about my own behavior sometimes, and have had to--in the past--reign in the extra cup of crazy that got thrown into my coffee on some days. So, I had my reservations about taking on another job during the Diss stage even as my little legs carried me straight to it on Day 1. It's a "McJob," in my opinion, and I don't mean that in any derogatory sense. It's just that I go into the greenhouse, I am told what to do and how to do it, I go home. All skills needed are acquired and then left at the greenhouse. Clean and simple. Me likey.....

Anyway, although I've been enjoying my Saranac Pumpkin Ales and getting crafty with pumpkin bowls (see post 10/13), the 7000 poinsettia plants at the greenhouse kindly remind me that the holidays are a-comin.' Yes, 7000 is the figure. No typos here. And holy candy canes are they temperamental little suckers (well, some are giant little suckers).

This relates to my Dissertation in several important ways (wow....that sentence sounded like it came OUT OF my Dissertation....see? The circle of academic life at its finest). I cannot sit in The Chair five out of five days while my son is at school and try to write all day. I am a sprinter more than a marathon runner, for sure. Those hours need to have some breaks and changes in them. The greenhouse job has forced me to be efficient. I have two full days to write, and three squished days to get all hell done (plus other jobs and Momertator duties). I am committed to writing/editing/reading/whatevering my Diss EVERYDAY and so far that IS WORKING. Which is unbelievable. I can write a page after this post, turn it to blue (see "seeing Red" post from June)for sure, and still make it to 7-eleven to grap a 20 oz. "Autumn Blend" cup o' joe for the day. Totally.

The greenhouse is gigantic...several different rooms, hothouses, the whole thing. Filled with perky, thriving and green poinsettia plants of various sizes and breeds. They are growing like mad, and each--as far as a I can tell--has developed its own way of using/abusing the water I pour into the pot. Some soak it up immediately and want more. Others lazily work their way through the water/fertilizer cocktail and wait patiently for me to check on them a few days down the road. Others droop immediately, lethargic like a snake after a good meal. Crazy little suckers.

As I walk through the greenhouses, hose in hand, I have to check EVERY PLANT individually for water treatment. For real. I am prone to talking to myself anyway (only child syndrome, for sure), and now I talk to them.

I'm talking to them about my Dissertation. In fact, I'm writing sentences FOR my Diss while gently swaying through the rows and rows and rows. I'm verbally revising things, asking myself (and the curious poinsettias) questions and working through the answers. Out loud. But quietly. Between the fans, the heater, the water, etc. I don't think any other workers can actually hear me, but one greenhouse veteran did ask me at lunch whether I had headphones on. I can only assume it's because he saw me chatting away merrily with my poinsettias. Without thinking, I responded, "No, why?" He followed with a slightly bemused look and a small nod.

I am the poinsettia whisperer. And I'm writing and watering like my life depends on it. Well, maybe that's too overdramatic....I mean, I can always change my Diss deadline, but my thousands of poinsettias have to be ready in one month. Time to get to work!

Music for babies

2008-10-13T07:50:00.003-04:00

When I was pregnant, the "Mozart Effect" was in high gear both in the popular press and various strains of academia. Since the man who extracted this term from science and mainstreamed it for the rest of us lived in Boulder--and that's where I was enrolled for my Masters at this same time--CU Boulder LOVED the M.E. I remained skeptical.

So, I didn't play much Mozart in the air surrounding my growing abdomen but I played other music constantly. I remember really being into Miles Davis at the time, and Ozomatli, Dave Matthews, Pearl Jam, salsa bands, etc. etc. I guess I was experimenting with the general "music effect" rather than focusing on Mozart.

BUT, it wasn't that I wanted my soon-to-be-child to perform better on tests after listening to Mozart (the main theory behind the M.E.), I believed that all music draws some kind of physiological response in the body, so I was listening to what made ME happy in hopes that those good vibes would pulse through the chub o' love rolling around in my big belly.

The same theory applied to after my little son was born. His ears heard everything. And he seemed intrigued by it. I found myself--on certain days--hitting the "repeat-one" button (see blog from June) for "Hero of the Day" by Metallica with the San Fran Symph Orchestra, Bobby McFerrin's "Common Thread," Pete Townshend's mellow remix of "Let My Love Open the Door." just random songs that made ME feel better. Which made us feel better.

So, Saturday I hosted a baby shower for 9 women---one of which is VERY pregnant with baby #4, a girl. It was a surprise for her, and we just hung out, ate goulash out of pumpkin bowls (inspired by my days at the Greenhouse) and lots of snacks and desserts.

I made a "Lullaby Baby" CD for the little-one-to-be.....but mostly for her parents. My son knows almost all of these songs, and when we hear them, I tell him, "We listened to this one A LOT when you were a baby." So now, they are OUR songs. And I always feel better after listening to them.

Here is it. Feel free to comment or add a suggestion. Or try it for yourself! If you'd like a copy, shoot me an email:

Lullaby Baby CD

1. "Little Star"--Madonna
2. "Pink Moon"--Nick Drake
3. "Spiegel im Spiegel"--Arvo Part (violin)
4. "Glosoli"--Sigur Ros
5. "Song for the Boys"--Pat Metheny
6. "Let My Love Open the Door" (E. Cola remix)--Pete Townshend
7. "Sweet Lullaby (Ambient Mix)--Deep Forest
8. "Common Thread"--Bobby McFerrin
9. "A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall"--Ron Miles Trio
10. "Bron-Yr-Aur"--Led Zeppelin
11. "Sumiregusa"--Enya
12. "Any Other Name"--Thomas Newman
13. "2/1"--Brian Eno
14. "Spiegel im Spiegel"--Arvo Part (violin and piano)

Dont' get sleepy, now! A full week awaits us!

Home again

2008-10-09T07:05:00.002-04:00

My trip to Madison was very productive and good. I'm glad I drove because it gave me a vehicle to scoot around that crazy isthmus at will. I met with four of my five advisers for the Diss, have a schedule, received the necessary inspiration-vibes necesary to complete this huge task, and reconnected with a place I once called "home." Nice.

I've said before (and often) that moving back to Buffalo would be an easier relocation instead of the alternative--find a place with a steady job, move there, and complete the Diss. And, in MANY ways, it was been easier. More importantly, it's been more satisfying, I think, than if I had just thrown my resume/CV into the national employment pot. It's a full life here built on many different aspects of living. Grad school was sooooo isolated and sooooooo insanely focused on school, which I guess it had to be at the time. Monochrome instead of tie-dyed, if you will. I told many people over the weekend, "I'm stayin.'" In Buffalo, that is. I have more opportunities here than anywhere else I could have gone, contrary to popular opinion. I'll make it work here somehow. I'm diggin' it.

The Diss defense is "scheduled" for sometime in April 2010. And holy fucking pumpkins do I have a lot to do. But, the good thing is that all my advisers are on board for my topic--music in Buffalo during the Great Depression, in a nutshell--and through all of my own worries and self-doubts, THEY have confidence in me to get it done. This is huge. It adds some momentum.

I also realized, while in Madison, that I have A LOT of support around The Buff as well, and maybe I don't always know it, feel it, acknowledge it as much as I should. As one of my piano student's moms said to me yesterday after telling her about the reason for the trip, "You have an interesting life!" And she meant it.

I do? I've had her words rattling around the ol' noggin for over 12 hours now (which turned into a dream of some sort, but that's already vague and fading fast). I do, me thinks. It's oddball as far as scheduling, unpredictable as far as income, and always in need of an explanation ("What is musicology"? is usually question numero uno). And, now I will be spending days careening my vehicle around this city to explore various archive files, historical societies, lost tales, hidden gems followed by countless hours trying to scrap a book out of this hearty collection of histories. *Gulp*

What will keep me sane (relatively speaking, of course!) is the fact that I'm here in Buffalo. I won't be able to do this without the people, places and things that inform my life here. No way. While it was fun to be in Dairyland (Wisconsin) again and to feel the energy of being on campus and whatnot, my energy has definitely shifted back to Buffalo, to this community and to the potential HERE. For all of us and for everything.

So, I still scan the nation's musicology job vacancies posted by the American Musicological Society, and I still have to work hard to push away thoughts of "Screw it! Get a real job!" that rear their cranky heads when I'm tired and overwhelmed by my own self. But I'm more confident that I have made the right choices. So, here I am, home again. And I'm staying put.

And, I love chicken wings, sports, and beer. I think that about clinches it.

getting ready for "Mad City"

2008-10-02T22:21:00.002-04:00

When I get home this late from teaching (10pm-ish), it's hard to just plop down and fall asleep. I love teaching this Thursday night class.....the topic is engaging (ideology of Romanticism and music), the students are engaging, and I have to stay alert for the 45-minute commute to home. Tonight, however, I have to sleep because in a wee 6 hours, I will be driving to Madison with my little son to visit our former home and resume my "grad student" status. I have all Diss committee members ready for meetings throughout the next 5 days, I have sent a chapter to them all, and I have packed what needed to be nestled into my car prior to work tonite.

But, there is a VP debate on that I had to DV-R because of my work schedule, so here I sit, in The Chair, writing cuz I feel like it and because I won't turn on the TV to grab a sneak-peak at the spectacle currently on-air. I want the whole slew of events from beginning to end. No spoilers in these parts.

I haven't been to Wisconsin in a year. My son has a great friend (and subsequently a great family whom I am SO eager to see!) who lived on our former street. I loved my house there, with its own quirky post-WWII elements, its lovely street, its part of my memory of the single-mom-grad-student thing. It will be weird to drive by "it." Yes? But, these things happen.

Madison is a great city. "Mad City" in many papers and such. The Liberal Bastion of the Midwest. Etc. That's why I have to don comfy clothes and watch this damn debate because I certainly can't go to Madison unprepared. Holy canoli, batman.

Time to go. Wish me luck.

Rushin' Russian piano music

2008-09-30T09:10:00.003-04:00

I've always said that I have fortunate experiences with great and influential piano teachers. Whether it was just that their styles matched my abilities and interests as a student (therefore I instinctively liked them) or whether they were REALLY good (and I liked them) is part of the hazy mist of memory. BUT, I know I learned a helluva lot during periods when I took lessons. And, with the new baby Grand in the front room (now dubbed "BG"), I have played through much of my old and familiar pieces by now. So, I'm feeling the itch to learn something new.

Something else I often realize is how circular the flow of music is in my life (yours, too perhaps?). This next little story will--eventually--tie the above thought to the thoughts below. Trust me on that, and the coffee's kickin' in so we're good....

Anyway, in my classes that I'm teaching this semester, I require one student to present a Listening Post at the beginning of each class meeting. For the Pop Seminar, it has to be an example of "popular" music of any genre that falls between 1820 and 2008. Good examples so far, for sure. For the Romanticism class, the selection must exemplify one of the seven Dualities that we defined inherent in Romantic ideology. Again, any genre/style since 1820 or so.

Last Thursday, the Romantic student played a snippet of Shostakovich's 10th symphony. It's the part of the fourth movement when Shostakovich implants his initials--D (for Dmitry), S, C, H (in Russian) into the horn section and slams the audience with his own freed identity (it was after, finally, he was able to write as he wanted and not cater to the Soviet regime. What a refief!). The student suggested the Duality was Crowd vs. Individual. Good choice. And, what a piece! It sounds like he's taking the whole continent down with him...or maybe emerging from/hovering over its ashes....tough call.

ANYWAY, on the 45-minute ride home, I remembered learning some Shostakovich piano preludes a while back (a long while, actually, *sigh*) and seeing the complete book of them when I rearranged my front room in preparation for BG's arrival. But, I have not played through these pieces. Hmmmmm. When I got home, I searched my iTunes and CDs for Shostakovich music. I have puh-lenty, but haven't listened to them in while. Hmmmmmm.

While earning my Masters in Musicology and being aware that I would (eventually) attempt the PhD, I dabbled with the thought of honing in on Russian music studies. The fact that I'm an Americanist now? Well, I'm happy with that, for sure, but Russian orchestral/piano music has always drawn in my ear and piqued the historian in me since I first learned a few of Shostakovich's piano works way back when.

What I am going to attempt to do throughout the next few months is carve out time for yet another musical hobby, which is Shostakovich. I'm narrowing in on his piano Prelude and Fugue No. 5 in D Major from Op. 87 written in 1950. Having the BG begs me to do so. I am aware of several biographies/analyses of his life and works written after the bru-ha-ha of his (supposed) Communist ties and cultural influences of his music. So, I'll read those. And, I want to start collecting more audio. He's got lots of goodies out there. Hopefully an orchestra within reasonable distance of the Buff will perform something soon....fingers crossed.

This Prelude and Fugue in D Major is no easy feat. Shostakovich's music FLIES; it rushes with speed, agility, energy and passion. This particular fugue...when I look at the notes, it looks almost elementary in design on the page (If you can find a recording, I highly recommend it. Mine are performed by pianist Michaela Harel.). However, it is often a three-voice fugue (mostly two, though), so one hand is playing the subject while simultaneously playing the countersubject while the left hand introduces the subject again, and so on. It's crafted so damn well...but this sucker MOVES. The tempo reads 136/quarter note and the theme is in eighth-notes.....oy vey. But, as I listen to the recording, I can feel the energy it in and I want to play it. Simple as that. It will be worth negotiating new finger acrobatics and hours of practicing. I hope my neighbors are prepared for a little Russian in their dinner music...

So, in the 15-year time period since first playing the Prelude and Fugue No. 1 of Op. 87, I return to Shostakovich and will dust off the cobwebs around his music. I will thank my student this week for reminding me of the power of his works and reigniting my intrigue. And, of course, I'll continue as Momertator (see post from 8/6) and hope my little son doesn't mind learning about Shostakovich over the next few months (ha ha). I'm going to practice right now. I have 30-minutes. Then I have to open files for Chapter 2. As a piano student, I would play hour after hour. *SIGH* Eh, things change, yes? But, it appears that some things stay the same even if they are forgotten for a bit.

I think I'm going to like this...

Mums the word...

2008-09-24T09:30:00.000-04:00

I have found the perfect part-time job for myself now that the Diss schedule is heating up. Another job while writing the Diss, you say? Absolutely, I reply. Here's why:

--with too much time on my hands (Mon--Fri, 8:30--3:30) while the little guy is at school, I become sort of inefficient at times. 'Tis true. During the five weeks in July/August where I had ALL time on my hands, I was able to both rationalize and schedule writing and "real" time to do this and that. But it's amazing how quickly I can burn hours not writing (but my house and side projects get the better end of that deal....).

--an ad in the town paper asked for part-timers interested in working on a farm/greenhouse in the area. I marched down there within minutes of my son's first steps on the school bus a few weeks ago. Last week, the owner called. I started on Monday.

--my shifts are M/Th/F from 9-2, allowing for a buffer zone between a late morning school bus and time to get home, regroup, and then, again, wait for the school bus. And, this extra cash will cover my car payment (funny how that math worked out so well).

--I needed something to do (that paid me to do it) in a framework of having to prep nothing, lead no one, be told what to do for each task, do it, go home. That's the jobby-job I needed, and that's what this is.

--Working in a greenhouse this large (it's a biggie) is interesting. I watered poinsettia plants for two hours on Monday. There had to be at least 5000 of these plants. For real. It was almost Zen-like. The greenhouse was cozy and humid (the air outside was damp and brisk), the continuous sound of water was relaxing, and only once did someone come to check how I was (I still like autonomy). Then I had a snack.

--I learned how to use the cash register, greeted, aided and cashed out customers. Easy-peasy. And fun. The place is filled with pumpkins, hay bales, mums, fall pansies (orange ones!), various perennials, and lots of life.

--For the last two hours, I selected various colors of mum plants to arrange 3 at a time in "mum bowls" to be out on the floor of the public section of the greenhouse. My choice. Any 3 color combos would do. I wheeled them out on a big rack, watered them, arranged them nicely, priced them, looked at the clock, and went home.

Ahhhhh.

I see a healthy rhythm of the week developing that allows for little slacking and a lot of friggin' production on my part. Yesterday, Tuesday, I prepped the material for church on Sunday, went to the gym, prepped my material for class last night, and did every errand/loose end/phone call/laundry bag/dishes/vacuuming....all of it.

Today, Wednesday, is my day to write and work on the Diss. Chapter 1 is sooooo close to being done, and today is has to get done. Cuz there is no other time to do it.

I have a feeling that now that football season is in full-swing and my boyfriend spends the afternoon/early evening hours at a friend's house on gamedays, my Diss work may bleed into Sunday afternoons. And potentially late evenings after everyone is asleep. And maybe for a few minutes when I can grab them. This is good. It will keep me on my toes and the tight schedule will breed efficiency. Yessirree.

So, that's that. Time to write. The grass can be cut later in the afternoon, the messy garage can stay that way until Saturday, and at 3pm, I will jump off The Chair with much accomplished. Let the games begin!

the loop of "work"

2008-09-17T09:15:00.004-04:00

Several things are going on. I've got quite a list for myself...

But first, I am actually enjoying revising my Chapter 1. Today. Yessirree. Monday, however, was a bit of a shocker since I printed out the 20-page document (which I hadn't read since early May) and started reeling in its unfamiliarity even though, logically, I knew that I wrote it. As I'm reading, my inner voice begins whispering, "Did I write this?" Oh, and "what the hell am I talking about in this paragraph?" AND, "this doesn't belong here at all!!!" AND, "what the f**k does this mean?"......etc. etc. Within three pages of this mess I felt the swirly panic of adrenaline weaving its way through my little body. And then I felt like taking a nap. Ugh. Not a lot of productive stuff at the onset of a workweek.

BUT, yesterday, Tuesday, I had to prep for my Seminar in Pop Music to teach later that day. After pulling up the files I used last semester, I realized that we'd be discussing pop music (Tin Pan Alley mostly) from the Great Depression which just so happens to be the era of my Diss. I realized how fascinated I am with this era (hence the commitment to years of Momertator status...see post from 8/6). I got super excited, and after finishing the prep for class, returned with determination to Chapter 1. And, things started falling into place. For real. I will probably lose 5 pages or so as I revise, but I'm moving thoughts around, adjusting grammar, tweaking evidence, strengthening theories. Today, after a few more things get crossed off my list, I see about 3 hours ahead to do more. This feels good. I could get Chapter 1 done--all in black, done, done, done--by Friday, me thinks. What a feeling! So I "worked" yesterday doing the two things I love--research and teaching. All about music, history, and analysis. Yummy.

In high school, I was a good student. I took all the advanced courses in all the advanced things offered--sciences, math, English, history. Blah blah blah. When choosing a path in college, I deferred to the HOBBIES I enjoyed most, much to the chagrin of guidance counselors and family members who saw me becoming some power Business Executive or something (OMG, could you imagine?!?!?!). So, I went for things English and Music and got a teaching degree to boot. Over the years, various concerns and comments have been directed my way as I keep blazing a labyrinthine maze through the world of work that is anything but "traditional" and usually financially unstable. Ummmm, like my life right now. Like, I'm in 23rd grade (technically).

But I think it's working. I LIKE to analyze and learn. Music offers this. Writing offers this. Teaching offers this. And these are the things that I DO. Constantly. I like to be a bit autonomous when it comes to setting the flow of my days. I do not want to punch a clock and separate "work" time from "life" time. To me, it's all the same time all the time. And I get the feeling that I am actually doing this, even at this very moment. It's working. I'm working...

Diss Date

2008-09-13T09:08:00.003-04:00

I had a phone conversation with my adviser recently. Now, I'm glad I left Madison to move to The Buff to work on the Diss (and develop a life), but when the academic year starts--even as I start teaching myself--I usually feel a PANG of sadness that I won't be traipsing all over campus lugging my backpack, starting new and interesting classes, and being in the hubbub of it all. Madison's campus is really really really cool, and even though it's a huge school (40,000+ students), I found my little community, nooks, patterns. Life long learner, for sure.

I am fortunate to have the adviser that I do. I have heard many many horror stories about other people in the Diss stage who struggle with many problems with advisers besides their own writing and progress. I do not have that, and am very grateful. What I DO have, however, is a "date" for completion of my Dissertation: April 2010. That timetable feels like an eternity and a snap-of-the-fingers at the same time. I will be turning 39 that May, my son will be 10. It sounds like a good year to wrap this whole sha-bang up and move into my 40s, start another chapter (ha ha), close the decade with one helluva graduation party (Bounce House for adults?).

So, Monday when my son steps onto the bus, I am planning on beginning my Diss schedule. Because I have to. In my mind, if I don't complete this friggin' book by April 2010, I will never be able to face the next decade with any dignity. Having this target date--and telling people about it so they will check up on me (hint, hint)--is very healthy for me. I'm good with tasks. It's just that this one, this Diss, is a challenge like I've had never before. Exciting and scary. Unfathomable and invigorating. Nebulous yet clear.

Anyway, the date looming ahead has reinvigorated my Diss energy. I'm visiting Madison in 3 weeks just to absorb some academic vibes and meet with my adviser and some friends. Some PhD ju-ju, so to say. By then, I will contact all Diss committee members and secure their involvement, revise/finish my Intro chapter (gulp) and rework and add to my Chapter 2. These things will get submitted to my advisor by Oct. 1. My other committee members will get the Intro/Prospectus chapter. Then, it's all up to me. Gulp.

ANYWAY, my son steps on the bus at 8:25 Monday morning. Coffee will be made and office will be organized. The Chair will be ready. I will be ready. 8:30-----showtime. Let the games begin!

Baby, it's Grand!

2008-09-10T09:14:00.003-04:00

Well, I don't know if a 5-foot Kawai Baby Grand--black and shiny and brand new--is going overboard, but I have easily rationalized my purchase (after about 4 nano-seconds of "buyers remorse") because of how uncontrollably this piano rocks!!!!! Ahhhhhh.

I've gone through all sorts of repertoire and am amazed at two things: #1. how wonderful my hands feel playing this baby and #2. how selective and stubborn my aging brain can be while reading music that I supposedly "know."

Regarding #1--my hands, arms, and body feel so much better and at home playing this piano compared to my digital Yamaha. No comparison. My fingers fly and my technique is quickly snapping back into shape. A few neighbors have commented on their ability to hear me playing, most of which has been positive. Not only was I the first neighbor to blow up a ginormous Bounce House on the front lawn (see post from 6/25), I am the first to play a piano at levels reaching into kitchen window of a neighbor three doors down. Yahoo!!!!
I type a lot and fast. I think this has somehow quickened the agility of my hands. For real. In college, I had slight symptoms of carpal tunnel in my wrists from playing the piano, and in grad school, that returned as I dumped mass quantities of the English language onto mass quantities of Word docs. So I adjusted my body position at the computer keyboard, and I think this has positively affected my body at the piano keyboard. I see a future conference paper in the works...

Regarding #2: all of my piano teachers, at some point, required me to memorize pieces of music for performance. I eventually became really good at this. I haven't needed to memorize classical music recently nor have I sat and "practiced" in a long time. On occasion, though, or when asked to play something, I'll pull out the music for the oldies but goodies. And, I'm a really good sight reader so I'm quick as far as processing piano music. Anyway, I've noticed that since the piano arrived on Saturday, while reading the music of a piece that I'm already really familiar with, sometimes my brain freezes, and it's like I can't even recognize the notes or something. I've stopped dead in my tracks and stared at a certain passage with no friggin' recollection of how to play it or even negotiate such a mess. So, I usually back up a bit, and try again. Then it usually clicks and flows. Huh??? Maybe too many Happy Hours catching up with me? Dammit, Bud Lite! I thought we understood each other! But again, my keen ability to rationalize my worries away kicks in.....my brain is in shock of what my body is doing....playing a really really good piano for a change, yes? This, too, shall pass. OK. That works. For now.

I've decided to learn to play something completely new starting later this afternoon. I have a list of 19 things to do today (for real) and that's #14. I'm guessing I'll start early-afternoon before my son comes home. I haven't decided what to learn or what will happen to the thoughts in the above #1 and #2, but I will give it a shot.

Any suggestions for Judy's first new piece on the BG??

Piano sale! Piano sale!

2008-09-05T08:31:00.005-04:00

Funny how days get away from us so quickly. Blogging was the first thing to take a hit once my son arrived home. Now school has started, and as much as I love being spontaneous and going with the flow, there is something to be said about having a predictable schedule. So, back to blogging, writing, and mommy-ing.

I am already nervous about what I'll be doing three hours from now. The University of Buffalo is having its annual piano sale today. One of my adult piano students (who has a real piano) received a letter from UB explaining that the crop of pianos donated by Kawai last year is ready for sale to the public "at a fraction of the cost." These "gently used" (by piano students.....I was one once...."gently" may be a stretch) babies go on sale Sunday to the general public. With this prized letter my student passed on to me, I get my own private appointment today to peruse these puppies and PERHAPS bring one home of my very own. Holy canoli, batman......

I started piano lessons at age 7. I sold that piano in order to have some cold, hard cash to move to Denver when I was 23. I bought a cool, sleek little Kawai that fit into my even littler apartment when I was 28, but sold that to one of my Denver students (who is now 20, and a great pianist) when I moved to Madison. Also while in Denver, I purchased a Yamaha P80 electronic piano, which rocks and has made me lots of money over the years. It can be placed in its case in the coat closet if I need more room around the house. I lug it to wherever I need to go with it and use it to teach my students here in The Buff. Solid piece of equipment, for sure.

The house that I live in now has a really big front room. One side is the Music Area with my keyboard, music books, CDs, etc. The other side is the Family Room type of thing. I just measured about 52-ish square feet of space JUST IN CASE there is a sweet o' baby grand that beckons at UB today. I am double-checking my finances/credit limits/monthly overhead to see what my max-out price is. If I don't watch myself, I could easily go overboard here (but that doesn't seem to bother me. A new piano!!!!)

I'm nervous because I have become used to playing on a "piano" that has a volume control button and practical mobility. I've also become used to the SOUND of my Yamaha as it comes out of my amp compared to an acoustic, "real" piano. As a kid/teenager/piano student, I would pound the crap out of my piano at my parents' house and gleefully FEEL the vibrations, reverberations, physicality of nailing whatever I was practicing. That sense is rusty after a decade on the Yamaha. What will my house sound like after today???? What will I feel like?

I'm packing a few pieces of music that I know I can just lay out as Testers for today's events: Chopin's "Raindrop" Prelude, a rollicking gospel version of "Precious Lord Take My Hand" that I use in my church job a lot, Bach's Invention #13, and--the true test of a piano's quality---Debussy's "Sunken Cathedral" Prelude. Maybe I'll throw some Rachmaninoff in for good measure.

I'm like a kid in a friggin' candy shop. I started piano lessons 30 years ago this month, I'm not moving from this house for at least a decade (if ever), and after a year of relocation adjustments and challenges, buying a piano that could stay with me for a loooooong time feels like an exhilarating and satisfying plunge. See what a nerd I am!?!??! Hee hee.

The next question is: What will be the christening piece of music that I play on my new baby??? Suggestions welcomed.

"We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dreams," said poet Arthur O'Shaughnessy (and then Willy Wanka). Sounds good to me.....

One more week of summer----ish.....

2008-08-27T11:47:00.002-04:00

Nothing like feeling summer is over than I did as I drove to SUNY Fredonia yesterday to once again don my "professor" hat. I'm adjunct, so the pay sucks, but there are weird perks to my part-time status (but not ones I'd have any problem immediately chucking to the curb for a full-time, mind you...).

I teach at night twice a week so I still have the whole day to do my Judy-thing in the burbs.
I really have no departmental responsibilities, and as long as my students aren't staging a mutiny or rioting in the halls, I come and go (especially now that my classes start after 5pm).
I have keys to all office needs, audio components and building rooms. I am autonomous.
I have small classes and cool students.
I am highly organized.
I love the town of Fredonia and have found a few hiding spots for cheap food and beers (the latter after class, of course....)
I love the content of my classes, both of which I taught last year (history of pop music in US; music and romanticism--a class that I have created from scratch---yahoo!!).
I can upload all necessary assignments/whatnot from home.
I am still able to feel slightly academic and scholarly but also reflects my "gray area" status as the Momertator.

*sigh*

But, as the days creep closer to my son going back to school and my tax dollars providing me with 7hours of uninterrupted writing time, I see another year ahead in which my theme song will surely be "The Hustle," complete with dance moves, disco balls, and several smoke machines. Adjunct is one job, piano students is another, churchy duties another, and I think I still need some other "thing" to $ettle my delicate micro-economic i$$ue$.

I've been thinking all summer about what this mystery job could be. I don't want to be "trained" to do anything. I mean, for chrissakes. I also don't want any traces of this job to come home with me. No prep is the goal. Something silly in which I already have the tools to go and come and have some fresh Benjamins (both Franklin and Walter, btw) in pocket. Hm.

I think today will be the day that this illusive idea pokes my buzzing brain. Today, Anders, my truly wonderful friend from Wisconsin, and his girlfriend are visiting as they drive from Mass to Madison. This will be the grad-school jolt I need, me thinks. Our plan is to go get chicken wings (no eye-rolling. Those visiting The Buff MUST partake in this ritual), grab some beers to bring home (Buff Ritual #2), and slurp our way into the night poolside at the Brady abode (recently added Ritual #3). Pool heater is on and the list of prep duties will commence after this post. With Anders, my son, my boyfriend and my plan for the next 24 hours all occurring under my own roof, I think I can still be part of summer, part of academia, and part of a creative job-i-ness. Yes? "Do the Hustle....."

Any suggestions on a good McJob are welcomed. Happy Wednesday!

"summer cold....makes me feel baaaaaaad...."

2008-08-21T08:45:00.002-04:00

That title is best when sung to the tune of "Summer Breeze" by Seals & Crofts. Ugh.

I don't think I have ever had a summer cold this bad, nor do I even remember having a friggin' summer cold. Dammy damn. I think it comes from the weird energy loop that occurs after you take a great vacation (in my case, five weeks as Dissertator) only to then come home (resume the Momertator) and get really really sick. The Momertator's energy level, organizational prowess, and overall control of life has been in a tailspin since my son came home on Aug. 6. I don't do well with extremes, and while it's been GREAT to have him home and to feel that Mom-part of the Momertator again, holy canoli my brain has been a jumble of Dissertation guilt, pool parties, charades (dinosaurs, ninjas and lions mostly), cooking regular meals, no naps, school supplies, scheduling conflicts and a whole host of other whatnots. I have not opened my Diss files since, well, I'd have to look, but it feels like forever, although I did rearrange and clean my office while rearranging and cleaning my son's room. Oy vey, I say.

My head feels like it's in a vice and that I'm completely immersed in a high-pressure watertank. Nothing is getting rid of this snot-clogged mass, and today I'm going to the nearest Six Flags amusement park with friends and kids. Perhaps if I get on the Round-Up and spin my way into oblivion, something will fling loose in the ol' noggin. Better green goop than brain cells, but any relief is welcomed.

In more fun news, my son grew almost an inch while in Denver. Something in the water? The Rocky Mountain air? I have also gotten much better at playing basketball (a sport which I have always sucked) although the net is lowered for my son's height. Hee hee. Our garden is blooming, my teaching gig $tart$ Tuesday, my piano students are lined up for the fall schedule, my son has reconnected with friends and family (and me!), and the chilly nights in The Buff demonstrate a slow crawl towards autumn colors and pumpkins. Life is good. I'm hoping my sense of smell returns soon. I love this time of year as the sunlight and smells change.

We saw Bob Dylan on Tuesday--3 generation of Bradys witnessed Bobby D. My mother is only slightly older than Bob, and she enjoyed seeing a "legend" in person. My son dug the whole thing in his own interesting way. The concert was good, although even as Bob's voice has often been criticized for its breach of singing/speaking/growling through hours of lyrics, I must admit that "singing" is not part of the live Dylan experience anymore. His band was AMAZING, as is his usual M.O for live shows, and he reworked several classics ("Tangled Up in Blue" especially) to suit his more retro-swing/rockabilly approach of late. What a summer I've had.

I start teaching college kids on Tuesday. I have not begun any sort of syllabus, but I have taught both classes in the past, so my panic button is still in the drawer. I have no idea when this will get done, but it will. Momertator is in full swing.

As for the Diss.......I have to talk with my adviser SOON and did not progress as much as we had anticipated. When my son goes back to school, I have open days to write. That's the theory, anyway. Keep ya posted.

Off to pack snacks, bathing suits, and other day-long goodies to necessitate Six Flags with a head cold. Viva la vida......

Mom + Dissertator = Momertator

2008-08-06T07:34:00.000-04:00

So this is the day things get interesting, or as I must admit, back to "normal." Shortly, I leave for the Cleveland airport to pick up my son who has been in Denver with his dad for five weeks. FIVE WEEKS! It feels like an eternity since he left yet simultaneously like it was yesterday. What the hell have I been doing for five friggin' weeks?

I can say that I rediscovered how much I enjoy writing and have gotten better at it.
I can say that I started "practicing"/playing piano at random in my living room during writing breaks and that it feels good. I've missed doing that.
I can say that I made progress on my Diss, for sure.
I can say that I had time to myself and to enjoy others doing various things that I don't do the other 11 months of the year.
I can say that I miss my little guy and enjoy motherhood. A lot.

I am certainly not the only Momertator out there, and I know many dedicated and ambitious Dadertators. In the whole "in-takes-a-village" scheme of things, being a Momertator has pushed my Taurus nature to act on all sorts of behaviors not high on the list---like asking for help and accepting it. So, as my Momertator slowly wakes from five weeks of hibernation, I have to acknowledge Granparentators, Friendertators, Neighbortators, Babysittertators, and so on that aid me through the quagmire of this crazy state I'm in (and I don't mean New York right now). Being a Momertator means finding the right village and then building the supportive metropolis. And I'm grateful and inspired for all of it.

I'm so nervous and excited right now that I could chew through my ceramic Pottery Barn coffee cup. For real. My Word docs. probably won't see the light of day for a bit (I'm guessing by Tuesday I can carve out a few blocks of time to write....thanks Grandmatator!) but I am OK with that. Time is relative, and I want to enjoy the rest of my little B's summer with him. So let's crank up the pool heater (Momertators quickly learn that money is relative, too) and enjoy August in The Buff.

While I accomplished a lot since July 7, and although EVERYONE tells me that I will be "fine" and that I will finish this Diss, the Momertator voice inside my head can throw me a curve ball from time to time. And it's unsettling. Let's see if I can harness some of her more nefarious whispers.....well, how about, "Will all this effort toward a PhD be worth the time away from your son?" or better yet, "You will not finish and your son will see you as a big ol' Failure," OR
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!? YOU ARE EXHAUSTED AND CRANKY. Throw in the towel, dummy!!!" The latter can usually be quashed by an immediate powernap, but on some days......

One month til B's school starts and 3 weeks til I start the college gig. It's going to go fast. I hope I can keep all of these balls in the air, and I really think that when I walk across the stage to finally receive this degree, I'll be handed an honorary "PhD--Juggler" as well. Maybe all of us "Tators" will, too.

Momertator will emerge at 3pm Eastern time as B's flight from DEN touches down in CLE........keep ya posted, as I smile and juggle, of course.

"pure relaxation"

2008-08-05T14:45:00.002-04:00

This was the label--"pure relaxation"--for the massage I received on the way home from Lake Meade on Sunday. We all stopped at a day-spa for a little bit of pre-home-arrival pampering. And it was worth it. The massage and the weekend getaway, I mean. Pure relaxation, indeed.

Besides hankering down for a weekend of boating, eating, drinking and talking with my gal pals, two other pleasantries came my way: my laptop served us well at the lakehouse for tunes of all sorts and reasons; I got to see two brief, wild, and woolly thunderstorms overtake Lake Meade. Interesting friends, interesting music, and interesting weather!?!?!? These things make me happy.

During the second storm on Saturday (the first only lasted 20 minutes before sunshine reappeared), we settled around the big dining table for "The 80s Game" brought into the mix by Kelly. Of course, I raced to the computer to throw on some 80s tunes, and several spontaneous sing-a-longs accompanied our attempts to remember trivia from our teenage years (yes, I'm dating myself. Hi ho.). Duran Duran, Cyndi Lauper, Bruce, Prince, Crowded House, AC/DC, Robert Plant, Pat Benatar, so on. I got stumped by a "music" question about the song ABC wrote about as a tribute to Smokey Robinson......anyone?......anyone? "When Smokey Sings" has been bouncing around the ol' noggin since. Damn! What threw me was hearing "ABC" and thinking it was the television station, not the English pop band also responsible for "Shoot that Poison Arrow" and "The Look of Love." Mon dieu!!!!

When I teach my Pop Music course to college students BORN in the 80s, I'm always amazed at how crazynutso that decade was--musically and otherwise. It was a very diverse and schizophrenic decade, IMHO. From The Grateful Dead to The Who to Rick Astley to Billy Ray Cyrus to The Cult to Madonna to Whitney to WHAM! to Aerosmith to Metallica.......head's a-spinnin.' My college undergrads are (usually) surprise and/or amused that this is the decade that I still hold dear to my aging heart. But you can't go back to high school (and, why would you want to) but there is something about the years of it and the soundtrack of it that make for a fun game of trivia during a thunderstorm at a magnificent lakehouse with pals. The "Me Decade," for real.

So, thanks girls for a great weekend and for those of you not there, it was the relaxation, contemplation and interaction that we all should make time for. One day left of Diss writing, and I'm back in the Chair, but much more energized and confident. Cheers to the Girls Weekend and reliving the tunes that got us there!

Jaws 8

2008-08-01T09:25:00.002-04:00

So 8 women, almost all married, almost all with kids and/or various combinations of all or neither, are heading to Lake Meade in PA today til Monday. The other night when I turned on the tube to be lulled to sleep, I caught the end of Jaws and the beginning of Jaws 2 (must have been some kind of marathon because as I forward the time on the Channel Guide, Jaws 3 was next on deck). I was bemused by the little town of Amity knowing I'd be in the little town of Lake Meade for the weekend. Funny how things come around like that.

Even though Buffalo sits on a lake (Erie), the "lake towns" are a bit farther west on the I-90 but don't quite have the shabby-chic character of Amity (or the rogue sharks). Most are sandy and beachy with just little delis and no crazy police chief waving guns at beachcombers (although the police are puh-retty strict and rack up thousands of dollars in DUIs each summer. Careful out there.) I often think that when I retire--which implies that at some point I'll have a job to retire FROM--I'll sell my lovely little house in the 'burbs and purchase a year-round beach house with a kick-ass view of the lake from my kick-ass porch. These daydreams make me happy.

Imagine what kind of music playing systems/audio technologies will exist by the time I retire...since each of my girlfriends was "assigned" various tasks and things to bring to Lake Meade by our friend the hostess, I gleefully saw next to "Judy" the words "coffee, tunes." I deliberated how to respond to such an abso-frickin-lutely appropriate task being the highly caffeinated musicologist that I am. Nano? All of my mix CDs from my car? Hmmmmm....

Well, after I publish this post, I'm shuttin' down the PowerBook, unplugging the Creatures, and loading the whole sha-bang into my backpack. What else is there to do? Who knows what music such a gaggle of girls will suggest, and I simply must be able to provide. My iTunes tells me I have 16 full days of music in it. Certainly, I won't fail the gals (except my one friend, who is lovely and crazy like the rest of us, knows every word to every rap/hip hop song from 1984 through the 90s. For real. I'm a little nervous about various holes in my catalog on that one.....). Either way, today's technology will serve us well, me thinks. Nano for the car, laptop for the lakehouse. Wish me luck and watch for sharks.

top twenty albums of all time.....yahoo!

2008-07-31T06:53:00.003-04:00

I'm up very early today, which usually implies some sort of mid-day catnap. Today is packed with adventure, however, so I have to pace myself. Writing, showering, grabbing yardwork gear from my folks, happy hour with a girlfriend, yardwork tonight with my boyfriend. And, I have to pack for a weekend in Lake Meade, PA with eight other girlfriends. I'm in charge of bringing coffee (Tim Horton's) and tunes (my computer and speakers). My gals know me well!

Anyway, yesterday I read this blog from Robert the Radish who put together his Top Twenty Albums of All Time (For Real) list. I love these lists and the challenges posed by them. Whenever a list comes out, I peruse for common interests, surprise guests and, of course, el numero uno. Fun stuff. This one intrigued me because it had a bunch of factors taken into consideration: American market only, no live or "best ofs," sales, grammys, critical rating (whatever that means) and the subjective opinion of the listmaker himself. He includes some sort of complex math thing (Staying Power Value=SPV x something or other) which I skipped. I'm a musicologist not a mathmatician...... I remember at least 3 Zeppelin albums, and Stevie Wonder's "Songs from the Key of Life" was #1. And, there was "value" placed on the album at the end. Stevie's was upwards of $18.00. Complex stuff.

So, off I go into Judy's wild musical yonder. Since Robert the Radish didn't explain his choices, neither will I. The mystery continues (and I need to actually write some Diss stuff today and not spend it all on something fun. Ha ha). Feel free to send me your own or challenge my madness. My choices are based on similar criteria, but I'm throwing my own Staying Power for Judy Value (SPJV) into the equation. Why the hell not???

#20: "Songs from the Big Chair"--Tears for Fears
#19: "Back in Black"--AC/DC
#18: "CODA"--Led Zeppelin
#17: "Under the Pink"--Tori Amos
#16: "Jeff Buckley"--Grace
#15: "Dulcinea"--Toad the Wet Sprocket
#14: "Document"--R.E.M.
#13: "Yield"--Pearl Jam
#12: "Ray of Light"--Madonna
#11: "The Joshua Tree"--U2
#10: "Quadrophenia"--The Who
#9: "Master of Puppets"--Metallica
#8: "Amazing Grace"--Aretha Franklin
#7: "Automatic for the People"--R.E.M.
#6: "Jar of Flies"--Alice in Chains
#5: "Fully Completely"--Tragically Hip
#4: "What's Goin' On"--Marvin Gaye
#3: "The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan"--Bob Dylan
#2: "Physical Graffiti"--Led Zeppelin
#1: "Ten"--Pearl Jam

I've shown you mine, now show me yours! Have at it!!!!

all things bright and foo-tiful

2008-07-29T10:45:00.003-04:00

I'm not sure of the last time I went to an "arena" rock show. In the summer in the Buff, there are so many opportunities to see outdoor concerts--many for free--and, throughout the past year, I've been so busy doing tasks related to relocating, Dissertating, new job-adjusting, single-momming and girlfriending that spending my sparse greenbacks on a concert wasn't often in the cards.

I had forgotton all the fun rituals associated with arena rocks shows: I found something cool and cute to wear in case I bumped into Dave Grohl unexpectedly (or, in case I just threw myself on stage at the appropriate moment) and would need to charm him with my wares. I checked and re-checked my purse for tickets and directions to Rochester. I charged the Nano. I packed a cooler of beers. We listened to the Foo Fighters almost all the way to Ro-cha-cha before turning the music off completely to allow for concert mental "prep time." We scoured the streets for a meter and paid 35 cents to park (hell, yeah!). We loaded up the belly at some cute pub. We stood in line (male and female lines, BTW. I had to ditch my nail clippers, tweezers and nail file before entering the venue and the woman security guard felt me up better than my boyfriend had....). We wandered about the arena. We bought merch. We bought a beer. We found our seats which were already good because the venue smaller, but I immediately assessed that this was not a sell-out show so we worked our way past other guards and scored two seats stage left and VERY CLOSE. And then it all began.

The opening acts--Year Long Disaster and Supergrass--played well and briefly. Perfect.
Foos hit the stage at 8:35 and played straight til 10:50. Even more perfect.
They opened with "Let It Die," "The Pretender," "Times Like These" and "No Way Back" without taking a breath. Perfect.

Simply an amazing show. Better than many many others I've witnessed in 25 years (Prince, Pearl Jam, and INXS still hold the top 3, but the Foos have claimed #4. moe. is #5). Grohl is an amazing, funny, quirky and fiercely talented frontman backed by the tightest band I've heard in a long time. Taylor Hawkins is a GREAT drummer. Grohl engaged the crowd all night and consistently showed a side of ol' Nirvana that may have not allowed his full contributions in THAT band to translate past the beleaguered Cobain until now.

Amazing. The last song was "Best of You," performed with such clarity and strength that it gave me goosebumps and tingles in all the right places. For real.

*Sigh*

Rituals for the post-game: sleep late, brew coffee, blog about the night before, listen to the Foos as I write all afternoon while wearing my new Concert-T.

Not a bad way to start the week.

Hard Sun

2008-07-25T09:40:00.002-04:00

So I've been purchasing concert tickets from Ticketmaster lately as some good shows are coming up...Foo Fighters on Monday, Dylan in August and Gordon Lightfoot in September (yes.....the GL. Everyone has their vice...). I didn't know that with every ticket purchased, the purchaser gets a free iTune. But now I've got a bunch.

I've been writing like a mad fiend. And I've accomplished a lot this week, and I've fallen in love with writing again. Which makes me happy.

So, my boyfriend came home a day early (late last night) from being out of town since Monday, and he took the day off of work today. Which makes me happy.

So, it's been raining all week (which is good for Judy's writing) and blazing sun today. No rain in the forecast. Which makes me happy.

So, I just purchased (free of charge, of course) "Hard Sun" by Eddie Vedder (who I fell in love with a LONG time ago). I love this song for many reasons. Eddie, the background vocals, the bass line, the repetitive nature of the last two minutes, the build up of instrumentation that eventually takes over the vocals like a wire-y, fire-y pumpkin plant. Yummy. I also love when music syncs with my world, like placing the last puzzle piece into the picture. It all fits and the result makes the picture better.

So, I am going to be outside in the yard and pool all day. My body feels a little squishy from being in the chair all week, and I think writing 32 pages in 3 days allows me a little funtime. Hopefully you agree.

I have five free tunes left and hope to be inspired by various things today through which I will "purchase" appropriate music. These week has made me very happy.

Have a good one!

safe and sound

2008-07-24T10:57:00.003-04:00

I like that song "Safe and Sound" by Sheryl Crow even though I'm not really a huge fan. She seems consistently inconsistent and sometimes her lyrics are a little clumsy and cheesy. But, what do I know. I do, however, like "Safe and Sound." She really lets it go there at the end of it (it's on right now).

The Nano is back after having been tucked into a place where it truly didn't belong. After all my mental wrangling yesterday--and instinctively knowing that it was in the house SOMEWHERE--I took a break from writing to NOT look for the Nano and do a little housecleaning (as opposed to housesearching) and very quickly found that little sucker. Oh, the world.

But at least I am still sticking with my #1 item from yesterday's post and should add one that says "I am very flawed." Hee hee.

Big writing day yesterday, and since it's raining, I'm sticking to the chair for the day with the Nano nestled close by my side. Happy Thursday!

My Nano's made for walkin'...away

2008-07-23T09:46:00.003-04:00

Damn damn dammy damn. I don't like it when my instincts get proven wrong.....you?

Well, I drove back from camping (in Fillmore, NY on 400 acres. Beautiful place) on Sunday with the Nano plugged into my dashboard, power on, boyfriend asleep in the seat next to me (it was a long, fun-filled weekend and he loves naps). I pulled into my driveway backwards so we could more easily unload the weekend's gear. Around 8pm that evening, I moved my car into the street because it was blocking his and he leaves for work oh-so-early on weekdays. On Monday, I taught piano students and did this-and-that around the house and only drove my car once to go to the bank.

I cannot recall if I unplugged the Nano while unpacking the car, but instinctively, I know I did (because why wouldn't I?). I cannot recall if I locked my car after putting it in the street Sunday night but instinctively, I know I did (because why wouldn't I?). I cannot recall if the Nano was in the car on the way to/from the bank but instinctively, I know it wasn't (it is in the house with the recently unpacked camping gear because why wouldn't it be?).

These are caveats of this story that are making me cuckoo for Coco-puffs right now.....

1. I generally believe--still after all that's around us--that people are good.
2. In the past, I have realized that I had not locked my car probably due of my innate belief in item #1
3. In the past, I have lost things without any rhyme or reason (remember the "SexyBack" post a few months back? JT is still MIA)
4. My iPod (the oldie...had it forever) and iShuffle WERE stolen from my house by someone hired to help improve it within the first two weeks of moving in last August. Grrrrrr.......
5. I have searched all over this house and car since last night. Nano not here. For real.
6. I live in a "safe neighborhood" proven by my high taxes, great neighbors, good schools, blah blah blah and the fact that if someone even farts in the street, someone from the town's D.O.T shows up with an air purifier...

*sigh*

If this thing decides to find its way home, I will embrace it without a flinch.

*another sigh*

There are fetish theories that apply to all sorts of things but I'm thinking most about the Adorno essay, "On the Fetish Character in Music..." and how wrapped up I am in this Nano business right now. I'm thinking that I need to get over this as I am not working on the Diss at 10am because I am--over and over--trying to collect my memories in order to find this Nano. I may have to give it up and embrace that the world is not a perfect place (nor am I). I have a ton of time to write today through Friday and I think I must simply throw this scenario to the wind and let the dust settle as it always does.

Sorry little Nano. I'll do better next time.

In the gutters

2008-07-22T09:53:00.002-04:00

Even though I have been in my house almost a year (end of August), the seasonal changes and meteorological bedlam that this region suffers through is always intriguing. As each season--let alone day, week, month--arrives, I watch my house withstand the elements and cave to their tenacity in various ways. This winter? half a fence came down. Last fall? a gazillion leaves from the oaks came down. Early spring? buckets and buckets of rain came down (fast) and stayed three inches deep in my side yard. Then it leaked into my basement. Ugh. This latter situation is now a common theme around here.....

Yesterday, we got about 30 minutes of balls-out rain. Sheets. Walls. Pounding rain. And once again, my side yard flooded. I have tricks now, but these are only in response to Mother Nature not anything that will curb her sinister humor toward The Buff. So, out came the pool pump to empty the window wells out to the street. I have even had that sucker sitting on the ground draining it! Several old towels and a ShopVac dried the basement floor. A de-humidifier is in my future. Another contractor will soon get some of my student loan money to fix it, I'm sure. Stimulus check, indeed. *Sigh*

Anyway, I also noticed that my gutters were not draining and instead overflowing. Badly. All of them. Around the house. Even in such a severe and potent storm as yesterday, these puppies threw in the towel quickly and started spilling. Hence, they are full of gunk which hasn't been cleaned out since I lived here, and probably a lot longer.

I slept in today (not sure why, exactly) and have the next three days completely empty to work on the Diss. Day and night. Son is out of town, boyfriend is out of town, Judy is in town. I may predict that this hunkering down that I will do until Friday afternoon COULD result in the completion of Chapter 2. FOR REAL. I had a HUGE day at the BECPL/Buffalo Historical Society on Friday and feel better even before I begin to write.

But, the weather calls for another blast of rain later on. Gutters beckon. If I get them done, maybe then I can resume "hermit" status and just fucking writing this thing.

I'm not afraid of heights, and my father gave an old ladder that will suit the job. At least I can throw on the Nano while working. The worst is the goop that comes out of the gutters. Yucky sucky.

Not sure I can put together a specifically "gutter"-based playlist. Maybe go for "rain" themes. Tons of those. "Rain Song," "No Rain," "Red Rain," "Stormy Weather," "Rainiy Days and Mondays," "Here Comes the Rain Again," on and on.

Off I go into the wild goopy yonder. Hopefully by this time tomorrow, I'll have lots of writing already in black, some in blue, and no red (check back post for "seeing red"). As long as I don't fall off the ladder, of course..... *smile*

Colonel Mustard in the ballroom with a......

2008-07-18T07:11:00.002-04:00

microfilm machine?!?!?! Doesn't sound like I'm the best detective....

BUT, today I am playing detective, splitting my Friday between the Buffalo Historical Society and the Buffalo and Erie County Public Library (known now in my Diss footnotes as BECPL. Now you know, too). And I'm having lunch with my mom downtown at noon and meeting Raquel, who lives downtown, for happy hour. At 3pm. Even though I am up early (again....ugh), time today is going to fly fast. Better have my notebook poised and pencil sharpened.

"The Buffalo Gazette" went to print in 1810. 1810!!!!! And I must get my sweaty paws on some copies, even if they are from later on down the road, like 1825. There were only 1,500 friggin' people here then! Yesterday, I spent a painstaking afternoon TRYING to piece together musical life in the ol' frontier village of Buffalo up until 1860. Oy! There is information scattered EVERYWHERE and I seem to be the latest schmuck trying to cull all of this very, um, fascinating crap together. Why (you ask)? Good question.

My Diss intro chapter---the one where I make my case and throw everything but the kitchen sink (or perhaps the revolver or candlestick) behind my "theory"---came together quickly after a year of research, mayhem, madness and procrastination. Nothing works better for this girl than a deadline. Anyway, I know my Chapter 1 is clumsy and will get clumsier as my research gets more vivid and my writing gets done. That's what "revision" is for, yes?. But I also know that my theories and ideas are solid. I believe in this Dissertation, I really do. I haven't been silly enough to ask myself WHY I believe so much....that can of crazy will wait until I have a real job with benefits that include therapy. Ha ha!

ANYWAY, although my Diss focuses intently (or will one day) on music in The Buff during the Depression era, I know in my bones that I have to include info about how Buff got there. And, I'm really curious about it. So that's my Chapter 2. And as I write, I find lots of holes that need to be filled. Hence, "The Buffalo Gazette."

We're a feisty bunch, we Buffalonians. People today believe this and work it for all their chicken wing-filled might. And from what I've gathered so far, this ethos was here from the get-go. The opening of the Erie Canal in 1825 brought money, trade, notoriety, innovation and absolute pandemonium to this sleepy lil' village on the lake. While hangings, brothels and public indecency have made it into the historical tomes I've already uncovered, music making has not.

And this is where I come in. My education--while stellar--has given me little prep for serious archival research. I have many theories I can spew out about all kinds of musical, cultural, economic, political, sexual, etc. etc. matters. Ask and ye shall receive. But, I'm nervous today, a little bit, about poking around the past and getting lost in it. Getting overwhelmed or confused by it. Getting excited about it?

Coffee's done. I gotta water the garden and then pack up for the day. Parking downtown sucks, so best I get there early. 1810, here I come....without a clue.

the Hart of the matter

2008-07-17T11:16:00.003-04:00

I've written about The Buff's "Thursday in the Park" concert series before when Yonder Mountain String Band performed. The concerts are free, the beer is Canadian (Labatts) and the crowd is perfect for people watching. Jakob Dylan was great a few weeks ago and Jimmie Vaughn had the house a' rockin last week. Tonight? Mickey Hart. I'm already wearing tie-dye.

My first Dead show was in 1989, and my "generation" of fans are referred to by Deadheads of the first wave as "Touch-heads" because our fandom crested when The Dead threw the video for "Touch of Grey" into high-rotation on MYV in 1987. These are the ways of the world. What could I have done about this apparently blatant smack in the face to Generation Baby Boom as they watched The Dead directly confront (and win over) Generation X? Even at 16, I gauged the situation, saw what the deal was, and wore a tie-dye dress for my high school graduation. Showtime!

That first Dead show for me was at Rich Stadium (now Ralph Wilson Stadium), home to the Buff Bills and any large event that needs 76,000 seats to pull off. The show was astounding to me: the people, the atmosphere, how great the tunes sounded (many of which I had just recently come to know), the whole deal. Here's where it gets interesting, to the point where when I tell this story, I get good laughs (and I'm frequently told my jokes are not funny but this is no joke).

A-hem. I am not a big drug user. Present me with a cooler full of Bud Lite and you have me forever. But growing up in the 'burbs of The Buff offered its share of whatever drug was out there. Mushrooms? Whenever friends took them, they immediately threw up. No thanks. Blow? I don't need any more stimulants in this lil' body, thank you. CRACK? No drug should be in that much demand if named after a body part that is always covered. Acid? I create alternate universes for myself pretty regularly anyway. Heroin? Um, no. And, any pot--even "good stuff" makes me dopey and sleepy. For real. So, beer is my drug of choice, and was on my first Dead show day.

NOW, my father is an Eagle Scout and his buddies volunteered at a food stand in the stadium for EVERY event for, like, a decade. The proceeds benefited Boy Scout troop stuff. He drove me and a bunch of slightly buzzed friends to the gate and dropped us like a swirly, giggly pancake into the parking lot. My dad had already figured out that I was generally a "good kid" who liked a cold, frosty beverage (or 10) every once in awhile, and even at 18, he didn't give me much flak about it. That day, I became the "beer runner" for my friends and I, and often made them giddy by returning to our spot in the Dead world that day with trays of beers and snacks from my dad.

Right before the second set, my friend Marc warbled, "we're out of munitions." So, off I went. I wasn't bombed by any means because the show was fun and I had sort of became the de facto leader of this crazy Brady Bunch of friends. This is the conversation that ensued with my pops:

Me: Hey Dad. Six beers stat. Any maybe some pizza.

Dad (with his frown/raised-eyebrow combo accompanied by laughter from my two Uncles, one Aunt, and several other adults I'd known since birth): Are you sure?

Me: Of course I'm sure. Why not?

Dad: (still frowning). Ok. Wait here.

Dad (coming back with gifts but still frowning): How's the show?

Me: Awesome! Are you going to check out a song or two?

Dad (still frowning): Maybe as we close up here at the end.

Me: Cool. Why are you frowning like that?

Dad: Oh, shit. I don't know. Our sales are down and no one can figure out why. The beer's going like mad, but the pizza's sitting here getting cold. It's a sell-out show, for chrissakes. (more frowning, people watching)

Me (in all serious): What's on the pizza?

Dad: Cheese and friggin' pepperoni, what the hell else would be on a friggin' pizza?

Me (pausing, thinking): Dad, the vast majority of this crowd wouldn't eat a pepperoni even if it had Acid on it. Pull the pepperoni off before you put it in the oven and get Uncle John to start yelling "Veggie Pizza, Veggie Pizza!!" and see what happens?!?!?!

Dad (dramatic pause): HOLY SHIT! (turns to my Unlce) John, start pulling that goddamn pepperoni off. Now. This isn't a goddamn football game for chrissakes. Holy shit!

Me: Yahoo!!!! Gotta go. I'll meet you here after for a ride home.

Dad: Thanks Jude! Do you want a concert shirt or something?

Me: Sure! Pick out a cool one for me. See ya!

And I traipsed my way back to the pack. Two hours later, I met my dad back the stand with several severely altered friends. The pizza had sold out, and Deadheads of all ages had been "digging" the veggie style. My family was in stitches. NOW, I was bombed, but happy in my drunkenness that my dad had a good night AND had bought me a killer concert-T with spiral dancing bears on it. Family effort, I guess.

That shirt is in my T-shirt drawer right now, and that's what I'm wearing to see Mickey Hart tonight. With a stick of pepperoni in my bag, of course.

saving Nemo

2008-07-16T07:48:00.006-04:00

Again, it's early. I'm the early bird filled with energy and inspiration before 8am again. So, besides the garden, I have put together a spiffy fish aquarium. I saw a cool 25 gallon tank on a black iron stand at a garage sale while attending a 3-year old's birthday party in The Buff's Parkside neighborhood (very cool part of town). Cheap as hell with no leaks. Sold!

It is not salt water (I'm not that high maintenance, nor do I want to become so), and on this clear and already crazy morning, my Bala shark and one of my red Tetras are covered in little white spots. And going down fast. A hunch says its "Ick," a sickness prone to freshwater fish, although I remember some kid at the fish store telling me when asked about a similar condition on one of their fish that it wasn't. But it sure looks like it is. Bummer. My son's fish is the shark, and he's not here. If Sharky dies, do I replace and fake it or pull the "circle of life" lesson? Oh, parenting.......So, my errand list has changed dramatically from "Don't leave the house and don't spend any money. Stay on the chair and write" to a whole host of tiny duties close to PetSmart. Hypermiling included.

Without any concern I admit that "Finding Nemo" was one of my more favorite kid-angled movies to experience since becoming a parent. I have no idea how many times I have sat through this film (dozens? almost a hundred?) but I love it for many reasons:

1. I love the water/fish/swimming anyway and this movie is beautiful in its computer-generated underwater world.
2. The actors hired for the voices of all the fish are stellar.
3. The message always makes me cry
4. The turtles are beach surfers/hippies
5. It reminds me of Adorno because...
6. I love the music (Thomas Newman) although almost all of my graduate musicology education tells me I shouldn't.

I took a seminar in grad school about film music. The class sucked while being perfect at the same time, and it is all coming together today in my fish tank dilemma as I now listen to the "Finding Nemo" soundtrack that has been long downloaded into my computer (my son loves it). The seminar was GREAT because I took it my first semester and the instructor had no idea how to lead a true seminar and gave us no extra work outside of class. For real. It saved me that semester. It was also great because we watched movies three hours a week and listened to her explain the merits and content of the music. Week after week. It was also great because I used "Finding Nemo" for the final (and only) assignment, which took me about an hour to prepare. Not the greatest model for a grad seminar, but it worked for me.

What has always bugged me most about that seminar is the instructor's insistence that current Hollywood film music composers have ruined "the good old days" of movies which, in her mind, extends from the birth of Hollywood until circa 1978 or so. IN GENERAL, I frown at those who bemoan our current existence in favor of one they didn't live through but have learned about. I feel it's ok for an 85-year old to bitch about how the 1950s were better but feel itchy when a 40-year old does.......A-hem.......Anyhoo, learning about/understanding/continuing to grasp Adorno's philosophy was probably the most VALUABLE part of my grad school efforts (and he never came up in the film studies course, for real). And I sit lulled and captivated by Thomas Newman's swishy swirly (lovely) music and feel trapped in the Culture Industry, a pawn in my own pathetic aesthetic existence (Adorno would attest).

And I sometimes don't care. Or can't. Or I simply move on. The loss of a fish, the loss of control (if I ever had it), the loss of the good old days....whatever.....I don't like to make categories of "good" and "bad" and try to use "what is being determined as valuable" and "what is not working" instead. Change is the common element, not stasis. So what is not working today comes down to solving a health issue for my fishies. But other than that, everything else is. Happy Wednesday!

watching peas grow

2008-07-15T07:10:00.003-04:00

I am not usually a "morning" person. Without the jolt of an alarm clock, my inner clock feels best going off around 8am or so. Today, I was up at 6am although I slept terribly. I had a weird weekend and still felt yucky yesterday and hoped for a great, long night of deep sleep (there was a bee sting involved on Saturday which altered my universe for awhile......) but didn't get it.

But, I'm up and in the chair already. Coffee is brewing, teeth are brushed, the Word files are ready to be opened. My boyfriend won't be home from work til around 9pm and I've scheduled no other events today and don't want to spend any money (I try this experiment often, the not spending anything thing. I love when it's a success). So, I'm hunkered down in The Buff and will try to make the most of Diss writing and other assorted odds and ends around my house.

When I searched for a house here a year ago, I had to adjust to the Buffalo housing market and how different it is from, well, the rest of the country. There has been no housing "bubble," so to say because this is not a highly desired part of the country to move to. In fact, people keep moving out mostly to the south (the Carolinas, Florida, Atlanta). So, I paid much less for a bigger house here in Buffalo than either of the two houses in I had in Denver (that was bigger, actually, but needed A LOT of work) or Madison. Which is good.

The Buff house needed a lot of TLC. I could sense its potential compared to the price, however, and the backyard was pretty much an open template of possibilities for me to explore. So, I started a garden. To be honest, I hardly ate veggies growing up. Meat n' potatoes kind of thing. Now I eat them all and like to experiment mixing different elements together. Salads are my favorite meal.

I have two pumpkin plants with plenty of space for their future take over of the land, seven tomato plants, one strawberry plant, five beans, two red bell peppers, one cucumber, one Anaheim pepper, one cayenne pepper, one cilantro plant and one pea plant. It's not huge, but I like the variety and have already picked enough beans for a salad and some peppers. I've already got big plans for next year since all seems to be going well so far.

When I need a break from the chair and time to think about whatever passage I'm trying to write through, I go out and watch my garden. The fascinating plant is the pea plant. I've got five pods on it now, and it's little tendrils reach out throughout the day for some support. I've stuck four sticks in the ground and for each part of the plant that's exploring, it easily finds it's best stick and wraps that wispy (but no doubt strong) slender green finger around it. And, sometimes this occurs in under an hour! Amazing!

There must be some kind of "In Judy's Garden" playlist I can put together in light of all of this creativity/activity. "Four Sticks" by Zeppelin, "Beans n' Cornbread" by whomever that is, "Wicked Garden" by STP, "Garden" by Pearl Jam, "The Great Pumpkin" from The Peanuts, something by Weather Report, "Let It Grow" by Eric Clapton, something from a Robert Plant solo record, Soundgarden......hmmmmmmm. This might be fun. Other suggestions welcome!

I'm goin' out to check the peas. I need something for breakfast after all!!

A beautiful day.....on the chair

2008-07-10T10:11:00.005-04:00

It's gorgeous outside right now. 10am, clear skies, sunny, 70 degrees. Yesterday it was very soggy, humid and rainy until about 3pm when I left for the moe. show. Yesterday, I had no problem focusing on writing, and I wrote very well and feel like I accomplished some good problem-solving, thinking and prose. And today...what a beautiful day! So, I've glued myself to my chair (mentally I envision my butt "attached" to this chair) with the notion that I simply cannot go outside to garden, swim or chat with my neighbors (I'm sort of chatty.....) because I simply cannot remove my tush from this chair. Until 3pm. And only to go to the bathroom or get coffee and then quickly return to the chair. Must....stay....on....chair.

I have two chapters in the works right now. My Chapter 1/intro/prospectus that I gave to my adviser in May is the typical sort of outline of the Diss, and I haven't looked at in awhile. Which I think is good for now. By August, I hope to have all of Chapter 2 written (tentatively called, "Borders, Bridges and Booze: A Brief History of Music in Buffalo, New York") and much more solid writing and narrative research for Chapter 3. I have a feeling that my Chapter 1/prospectus is going to read like a bunch of 1st-year grad school slop by the time I get back to it in late August. I hope to know a helluva lot more about what I'm actually writing about than I did while trying to describe what I HOPED to write about (the latter being much of the content of Chapter 1, me thinks...). Quite a process, this Diss.

Chapter 3 requires a visit to the National Archives in D.C., which I had thought could be accomplished next week. Ha Ha Ho Ho that is not fucking possible. I'm realizing that I need to get the music history of Buffalo prior to 1925 (Chapter 2) down and dirty before REALLY understanding what I need for Chapter 3 (the development of the Buff Phil Orch due to New Deal/FMP funding). But oddly--and other writers can hopefully understand this cuz if not, i'm up Shit's Creek, big time--I DO know what I need to research at the Archives, sort of. But not really. But sort of. It's tricky to try to explain. Eh-hemmm......I know the information that I need is only available there in numerous boxes. I know that it will help me put together some missing pieces not available here in The Buff. I know (intuitively) that the factoids in those boxes will mesh with the research and theories I'm putting forth so far in Chap. 3. BUT, I don't know what's in those boxes because I HAVEN'T GONE THERE YET. But I can't go yet. Not yet. Oy vey.

I'm staring to slowly spin around and around on this chair, as if my own swirling logic gives this hunk of metal some momentum of its own. But I will not get off the chair today. Until 3pm. Well wishes appreciated......

takin' mom to moe.

2008-07-09T08:08:00.004-04:00

Now that my son is with his dad for a month, my relationship with my parents shifts a bit. They live close by and are very involved in our lives, which is wonderful. They babysit my son or we all go do something usually revolving around activities that the little guy enjoys, etc. Now that I'm flying solo, my days are filling up with Diss work, yardwork, hanging with my boyfriend and slipping out here and there to chill with my girlfriends. So, it's a different kind of effort to interact with my parents when there isn't a fresh faced 8-year old to focus on. For instance, I'm going over Thursday afternoon to do a shitload of sidewalk edging for my father, who can't do it himself anymore. And I'm sure I'll be on a ladder checking gutters or some other daughterly task. Which is fun in its own right.

Anyway, tonight I'm taking my mom to see moe., a band originally from Buffalo and longtime friends of mine. They are playing a free outdoor concert at Artpark in Lewiston, NY, a bastion of natural and artistic beauty sitting right on the Niagara Gorge (google Artpark. It's a beautiful place). The concert starts at 6:30 and moe. will play two sets with no opening band (a usual live format for them). My history with moe. begins in 1993 when I saw them live at a bar in downtown Buffalo and was simultaneously trying to bully my way into the Buffalo music journalism scene. I wrote my first "feature" article on moe. in a zine called "Slack." It was my first article AND their first article. We became fast friends and still have contact after all these years.

I'm hoping to get backstage to say hi and I'm hoping my mom will enjoy this experience. She is not a regular concert goer, per se, but my son has brought out this wonderful youth and invigorated energy in both of my parents, so she is up for anything these days. moe. always puts on a great show to boot.

moe. is often listed as a jamband, if that term even has any merit left. I find them a well-rounded representative of the blue-collar town that bred them.....sort of Rush meets The Dead meets Triumph meets George Carlin. The band is humorous, smart, and wickedly musical. I also respect how they grabbed the reigns of the band back from Sony after signing an early record deal (1996-ish) and discovering that they could more ably handle their career themselves.

Artpark is about an hour away, over several bridges and into the northern part of the Buffalo-Niagara region. I haven't been there for awhile, and in prep for the trip, I've compiled a moe. playlist for the Nano to take along. Here it is:

1. Seat of My Pants
2. Stranger Than Fiction
3. Spine of a Dog
4. St. Augustine
5. Captain America
6. Happy Hour Hero
7. New York City
8. Tambourine
9. Plane Crash
10. Nebraska
11. Not Coming Down
12. Moth
13. Buster
14. Timmy Tucker
15. Brent Black
16. Rebubula (live)

Not a bad way to spend an evening with mom. Dylan is coming soon, and maybe I'll take my mom, myself, and my son (he'll be back by then, and this would be his second time seeing The Dylan).....this could be the start of a great multi-generational rock out for the Bradys!!!!

tuesday's child is full of.....

2008-07-08T07:15:00.002-04:00

sluggishness? ha ha. nope. Tuesday's child is full of grace, so the ol' poem goes. This is interesting because today is the first day of my attempt to spend a month in my full-time "job" working on my Diss. It's risky and certainly riddled with various aspects of poverty, but it has to be done. My son is with his father, and I need to make the big push NOW. One month. Grace, indeed.

And, the church that I work for is Grace Lutheran. I have a piano student at 3pm and a church meeting at 7pm. In the interim, I have a ton of churchy music stuff to do. Grace, indeed.

Beautiful, sunny, hot, muggy morning today. Definitely a two-potter for the coffee portion of my diet today. I am suh-leeepy!!!

Tally of my holiday weekend, which was awesome:

3 live bands: Jakob Dylan, The Jeremy Hoyle Band (local at the beach), and Ron Hawkins (lead singer of Lowest of the Low, who rock Canada style)
3 baseball games: The Buffalo Bisons, my boyfriend's softball, his friends' hardball
3 items in my salad yesterday grown in my garden: cilantro, Anaheim pepper, green beans
3 days of sleeping in (Sunday needed an alarm)
3 dips in the pool yesterday--it was a scorcher

and so on. A great weekend. "They" say that good things come in 3s. "They" also say that death comes in 3s....hmmmmmm. Grace, indeed.

Gotta go. I'm late for work. Wish me luck!

"it's been a while...."

2008-07-03T11:51:00.003-04:00

I can't say "it's been a while" without then singing it the way Aaron Lewis does in his Staind song. "It's been a whiiiiile..." Either way, it's been a wonderful and full and crazy week since my pool bash. My son is with his dad having fun out West, and I am getting ready to enjoy the long holiday weekend, which I'm extending until Tuesday. Then it's Diss Diss Diss for the month.

A tally of the pool party events:

88 degrees in the pool
22 kids
18 adults
1 very large bounce house,
1 puke in the pool
1 toilet overflow
3 cannonball contests
3 pregnant women (all having girls)
85 empty beverage bottles (alcoholic, yeee-haaa!!)
countless laughs and merriment

It was awesome.

It has been raining uncontrollably throughout the past week, including today. But, there is sun on the horizon for the weekend and I'm hitting the beach. Although Buffalo sits on Lake Erie and the Niagara River, the city's development team has failed to do SOMETHING with an area downtown loosely termed "the Waterfront." It's rather pathetic, and the subject of passionate deriding of the city's governmental/civic foresight. So, the best beaches are in towns heading West on the ol' I-90 or Rte. 5/20 to either Mickey Rats, Castaways, or Sunset Bay. BEAUTIFUL beaches (although swimming in Lake Erie usually makes me a bit skittish and I stay close to the bar most of the time). But, a weekend at the beach and staying at a friend's beach house sounds pretty damn great to me. Care to join???

bounce bounce

2008-06-25T08:59:00.003-04:00

8:59am....time's tickin' and I'm getting ready to kick into action. Grocery store first, cooking second, Bounce House arrives at 11am, child off bus at 12:15, a few minutes of bouncing on the front lawn (I'll have photos tomorrow for sure), party at 1pm. YAHOO!!! Oh, and around noon I'll crack a beer (hey, it's my party....I'm not driving anywhere!!!!)

Most importantly, guests receive the "Judy and Brady's Rock IN the Summer Mix" CD my son and I made last night. If you'd like a copy, shoot me an email and mailing address. Here it is:

1. "The Pretender"--Foo Fighters
2. "World Wide Suicide"--Pearl Jam
3. "Froggie Went A-Courtin'"--Bob Dylan
4. "Apologize"--OneRepublic
5. "Song for the Boys"--Pat Metheny
6. "Black Satin"--Miles Davis
7. "Baby, I Love You"--Aretha Franklin
8. "Royal Orleans"--Led Zeppelin
9. "Interstate Love Song"--Stone Temple Pilots
10. "Move Along"--The All-American Rejects
11. "How Far We've Come"--Matchbox Twenty
12. "Dance to the Music"--Sly and the Family Stone
13. "Safe and Sound"--Sheryl Crow
14. 'Little Star"--Madonna
15. "Times Like These"--Foo Fighters

GAME ON!!!! Enjoy...

Half Days

2008-06-24T08:52:00.002-04:00

I've lived in other parts of our crazy nation, and here near The Buff, children have school until today or tomorrow. In Denver, the school year ended around Memorial Day, if I recall, and in Madison, it is earlier in June, for sure. In my town, the last day of school for K-12 kids is tomorrow. These last three days (M-W) have been half days. The bus comes at 8:15am; it returns at 12:15pm instead of 3:15pm.

I have known this information for awhile. But, the arrival of my sweet son three hours earlier than "normal" has thrown my writing schedule into a tizzy (NOTE: I'm sensing a pattern....my writing suffers easily. It is the least adaptable thing in my life right now, me thinks.....). Of course, I am throwing a "School is Out for Summer!" pool party tomorrow for at least 20 friends and their kids (minus Alice Cooper, unless he's around.....). It begins at 1pm. Of course, I have to clean my house, which is not clean right now. Of course, I have to go shopping. Of course, I have to straighten up the yard and the pool. Of course, I have to move select items in my lil' abode to higher ground (toddlers are feisty and ambitious creatures). Of course I have to clean my office and "put away" my Diss materials for a day or so.

I hope my beloved notes and copies and articles come back out soon, but I'm facing a challenge here. For the past month, as much as it may not have sounded in some back-posts, I have gotten some good work done. Now, I'm looking at seven days with no daycare, and the desire to play and have adventures and kick-it with my curious and energetic 8-year old son is amping up big time. Then I have five weeks where he is with his father and I have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD to write and distract myself from missing him. *Gulp*

I have thought from time to time that writing this Diss and succeeding (even just a little bit) with keeping myself afloat this year would do me in. It may. Scheduling an academic life in a hustle bustle world may be the trickiest damn part of all of this. Growing tomatoes? No problem. Organizing a party complete with swimming pool and Bounce House? That's nothin.' Sitting down to write every day? Ummm, help?

But, my son grows bigger every day. I don't want to miss any of it. Adios, Diss until 7/8. The next few posts will more than likely reflect what the "rest of the time" means for this suburban single-mom party girl musicologist. Stay tuned, and grab your swim suit if you're in the neighborhood.

Nap Time

2008-06-20T10:41:00.004-04:00

Ok, this is craziness. I had a full eight hours of sleep last night during a rain storm, which makes sleeping more fun for me (I'm only guessing since I'm sleeping through the storm itself, but it's the thought that counts, yes?). It's only 10:45 am, I've been awake for about three hours, I've had at least a half a pot of coffee, I've done a little yoga, I'm writing in blue (see "Seeing Red" post), and my head is about to plop down right onto my keypad. Right now I'm yawning. What gives?

I have some theories.

One is, of course, the weather in the Buff. Four days with little sun, high humidity and some serious sogginess from the cloud cover. The air is thick and quiet. My backyard feels and smells like a dewy forest. This could be making me sleepy, I suppose.

The second is my schedule this week. I wrote about one funeral in the "Taps" post from Wednesday, but I also had another funeral yesterday as well. Odd and strange. I didn't get home from either until 1:30-ish and can only work until 3pm or so on writing and such things. So my momentum has been thrown out of whack. I'm off kilter. And this could be making me sleepy, I suppose.

The third is a bit larger in scope, and combines just about every damn thing going on around here. In grad school, I'd march down my street everyday at 8:30, catch the bus, hit the gym, and head for the library to work almost everyday. I was busy. I had stuff to do. Lists. Schedules. Whatnot. Having my home office 10 feet from my big, cozy bed may be the killer here. I can't lug all of my Diss shit to Starbucks here in the burbs because they are tiny ones with tiny tables (how I miss those big-ass tables from the Madison store. GREAT for working). My computer battery has almost no juice in it and I'm too pisspoor to buy another one, so I need a power outlet within reach to write. Gas is expensive. My days are wide open since its summertime in academia. I feel like I have time but it evaporates like puddles in the sun. Blah blah blah. In a nutshell, it makes sense to stay home and "work," but--hold on, I'm yawning again--sometimes sense is not the key to all logic.

Fourth: it's Friday which makes it tempting to stay, with all due respect, "fuck it" and prepare things to do for Monday. After all, my garden needs tending after this much rain, doesn't it?

So.....I think my next course of action is this: nap as long and leisurely as my body needs it and learn from this meandering day. Make a list for Monday and then do it. Drive less over the weekend and venture out at least for a goddamn hour to write somewhere new and get myself over myself. Shoot for writing in black by 3pm Monday. Give myself a break today.

This doesn't come easy for me because I already feel like a slacker for being friggin' TIRED at 11am. But, these things happen. Buenas noches!

Taps

2008-06-18T13:01:00.004-04:00

I have three jobs this summer as I write my Diss. They are all part-time with odd hours, challenging but not cumbersome, and good pay for the time spent. One is a job as Music Director of a church in South Buffalo, the church I grew up in. As with most urban churches, its membership has dwindled and every Sunday I look out into the congregation and see very few people in my age demographic that attend anymore. When I was little, there was a whole slew of us. Now, it's a lot of hard work from a lot of hard workers dedicated to keeping this beautiful building used as it was designed.

This morning I had to lead my first Memorial service for the death of an 89-year old man, George, nicknamed "Bud." He was one helluva guy. I remember him fondly as do the many many many people in church this morning to share his memory and celebrate his life. Good story: after surviving Pearl Harbor and retiring from advertising, Bud decided to learn Judo and starting kicking all the young whippersnappers' asses in various tournaments around here. No joke. His handshake could crack your fingers into tiny bits.

Anyway, it was an interesting experience since I was there for "work." I was holding steady (nerves kicked in right before it began...there had to be, like, 300 people there...) until the end after I played "Eternal Father," the Navy Hymn in his honor. Then, two Naval Officers processed down the aisle, unfolded the flag and opened it wide up front. Then, another Officer came into the back doorway in the back and started playing "Taps." Holy waterworks. It was astonishing in its power. Not a dry eye in the House. THEN, they presented his flag to his wife and son. Man, oh man.

There are many theories about cognition and music, about how music affects us and what triggers various responses and behaviors. I am thinking about them now. I was not in the Navy, but I know the history of Pearl Harbor and Bud's life and what our military history in our country says about the people in this country (and around the world). "Taps" penetrated not because it was about Bud necessarily but because it is a symbol, an object, and a living and breathing one. It's part of the goo that keeps us all together and part of something bigger, maybe. It's performance speaks in ways where other kinds of language fails. It was very humbling.

Probably not a lot of writing going on today. I have piano students in two hours (job #2) and really feel like I need a drink. At least the sun is coming out (it's 55 degrees right now). Life goes on.

seeing red

2008-06-17T09:12:00.003-04:00

When I write anything as an initial draft, the font is red on my computer. Then I go back and read it, and when I'm comfortable that it flows well and is organized somewhat logically with the rest, that section goes to blue font. THEN, when I'm ready to solidify my thoughts, whatever text I need to feel is "fixed" or "untouchable for a while" goes to black. And I consider the black "done" for awhile. Cannot be touched. It's good as it stands because I've seriously considered it three times already. It's the system I have come up with to avoid constantly editing past material and not moving forward with new stuff.

And it works! Yesterday I wrote 14 pages in Chapter 2 (red) and revised a bit of Chapter 3 (red to blue). I like my intro to Chapter 2, and it was already in black font, so I just skipped down to where the red started and began there. Otherwise (and since I know myself well for the most part), I would have started right from the top with the friggin' title and edited all the way down to the new stuff and lost that time. And probably energy and momentum, too.

So, the 14 are in red, although there a few sections/paragraphs in blue because I pasted them in from notes and a few messy pages found here and there in my Dissertation folder. I'm hoping for all blue with more red for today. I can feel a section-break coming in Chapter 2, so that's when I'll try for all black. To complete Chapter 3, this requires a trip to the National Archives in D.C., so I'm not feeling the black font coming for some time. Red or blue it is. And that's fine. The Archive trip will be sometime mid-July (FYI: I'm very nervous about this trip. Whole new territory. More later).

Anyway, everything has a system. My system for writing is being surrounded by my sources on the floor of my office in a half-moon shape that makes for easy reach as I swivel around. My system for writing is to color-code my text so I can keep track of what the hell is going on. My system for writing occurs in hourly chunks. I write for an hour, stop, do some mundane task, go back for another hour. I can get about four to five hours of writing time doing that in a period of six or seven hours. And, I'm preparing for a trip to the Buffalo Historical Society on Friday, so I'm making a list of "holes" that I need to fill.

I'm not crazy, am I???

Gotta go.....Start the clock!

Stormy Monday

2008-06-16T09:01:00.003-04:00

I know there have been tragic weather-related events in the past few weeks, and that while Buffalo weather is wild and wooly, it always saddens and terrifies me when the weather is so destructive around the world. Sometimes there is very little people can do even with warnings and watches and whatnot. And in the past few years, we've seen it all, yes?

Last night we had a few major storm cells pocket the region. Good sleeping weather, and great for my garden. And this morning, while the ground is damp and wet still, the sun is out, the breeze is moderate, and all seems back to normal.

I woke up in a spot so comfortable in my bed that it was a bummer to have to roll and hit the alarm (but this must be done). I'm still a little foggy. No "fresh as a daisy" today. I feel like a recovering daisy that was pelted with cold rain water all night. But, I'm getting there. To point: I made a pot of steaming hot water a minute ago. Who needs coffee grounds for coffee, I guess....

But today's Diss chunk is Buffalo in the 19th century and how/where the music organizations began and flourished. The historian in me really really digs this stuff. While gathering research over the winter, I found a lot of material that was haphazard as far as organization and placement, but will come together nicely in my Diss. I didn't do a great job of organizating that material for myself, and the unraveling of my own thoughts has been a chore. But a lesson learned as well.

The first bar in Buffalo was the Eagle Tavern. It was one of 14 public buildings in the city "center" around 1814. The building of the Erie Canal was underway and workers quickly came to the area with the promise of extended work on such a big project. It was a rag-tag group, for sure. Rabble-rousers, dreamers, pioneers. And part of this new "city" burned in a conflict with the Seneca Nation as the Canal was dug, the largest Native American presence in the area (still today even, although moved farther southwest along I-90....lots of stories there).

Funny music-related story....the first music shop owner, John Sheppard, brought to Buffalo its first piano on some sort of flat-bed barge driven down the Erie Canal by mules and rope from the landshores. It was 1827!!! I can only imagine the scene. We are a tenacious bunch!

Yonder Mountain Buffalo

2008-06-12T07:20:00.002-04:00

Starting a few weeks back, Buffalo began its "Thursday in the Square" concert series. It's pretty cool. Every Thursday starting at 5pm, several gianormous beer trucks and a sound stage encircle Lafayette Square in the middle of downtown Buffalo. Usually two, sometimes three, bands play and the concert is free. It's always a wild mixture of getting-out-of-good-downtown-job types, suburban 30- and 40-somethings, bikers, homeless people off their meds, teenagers trying to score beer, and fans of the band up near the stage. The space is large, and if you are genuinely interested in the band and want to hear/see them, you have to be close to the stage. I haven't attended yet this year, and many times I just hang in the back with my friends and meet up with people and drink and chat and people-watch. I have seen some good shows, though, or at least snippets of good shows.

I'd say that usually about 5,000 to 8,000 attend each week. For real. Attendance surges for big names--Pat Benatar was a TOTAL clusterfuck with estimates of 25,000 people or something--and there are several places to go out after the Square wraps up around 9pm. The only costs are parking and booze. Oh, and maybe your life since downtown can get a little tricky come nightfall. I wish this wasn't so because Buffalo DESPERATELY needs an image make-over and being in any city is always interesting from a historian's point of view (a topic I'm sure will be part of many posts and I continue "writing" the history of this beleaguered city).

Tonight is Yonder Mountain String band. Not so sure how this will go over. I've heard comments here and there that this year's lineup is very "jammy" and "hippie," and this is expressed as a negative. I, of course, smile and think "awesome!" Bright colors and happy people converging on the city's DMZ is surely a good thing. But, alas. I think if the AC/DC cover band playing at the corner biker bar played instead, much of the audience would be tickled pink to be back in black. It's a tough crowd around here.

I'm not sure I'll go tonight but I've already started to listen to Yonder on my iTunes to get ready for today's Diss writing. My proposal is finished, and yesterday got better as I slowly but surely disentangled the snarls in my brain. I taught some piano lessons then watched some friends play volleyball (I'm a sub on the team and was ready to play but all players showed. Maybe next time). Wednesday is looooong gone, so I'm ready to get cracking at portions of Chapters 2 and 3.

I'm noticing that thinking about my Diss and listening to Yonder feels slightly odd. When contemplating the history of Buffalo as I will today, country/bluegrass is NOT an easy connection to make. Maybe I will go tonight to test my hypothesis about the reception of Yonder in the Buff. I haven't worn tie-dye in a while (well, ok, in three days.....) and my patchouli will fit right in. Maybe I'll discover some long lost loves of this musical genre in Buffalo and can add yet another chapter to my Diss??!?!!? Whoa, Nelly....ok, now the caffeine is kicking in and I need to think about what I'm writing today before what I'm DOING later today. One step at a time here. Better get crackin'. Yee-ha!

"I'm finished making sense"

2008-06-11T10:10:00.003-04:00

Pithier words never spoken. Thanks Dave Grohl (my interest in the Foo Fighters remains intact). As much as I was on point as TaskMaster last week, this week? Oy vey. My brain is on vacation, me thinks. I can't find things ("SexyBack" still missing, among many many other things lately). My lists are incomplete and almost useless as far as having any impact on my days. Yesterday I spent over two hours writing a proposal for the Society for American Music conference (due in four days for a paper I have yet to complete) only to realize that it was a bunch of syllabic slop. So, I gave myself a time out, retreated to my comfy bed to watch the familiar loop of CNN Headline News (better known as "Crack News"). With 15 minutes to chill and get ready to leave the house, THEN my brain kicks in and simply comes up with a totally perfect way to rework my proposal. But I didn't have time to do it! Grrrrrrr. So I scrawled a few notes down on the back of a bank statement (or credit card bill or something...what is this) and just now, 24 hours later, can sit to write. And I don't feel like it.

I've noticed that my weeks have a flow to them. Does this happen to you? Wednesday is always the hardest day. Hump Day. If it's a good week, like last week, the impact of wacky Wednesday lessens. On a week like THIS one, however, Wednesday joyously works her mischievous magic. I very rarely bemoan my splintered existence and say, "So much to do, so little time!!!!" Instead, I usually buckle down and say, "Let's get to fuckin' work." Today, I want to say, "Let's call this one and go back to bed."

But, this SAM proposal doesn't have to be very long, and once it's done--today--I should have a more concise angle for the chapter I am writing tomorrow. Yes? Absolutely. That's the logic anyway. Should I find it again.

"Sneeze Louise"

2008-06-10T07:07:00.004-04:00

Allergy season in full bloom around here. I take prescription allergy meds sometimes twice a day, and over the past week or so, they are fighting hard in an inevitable loss of a boisterous battle. It's always this time of year that is the worst but I do have problems year round. As a pianist, sneezing--and my vociferous style of doing so--always ended up making its way into some of my final year concerts in high school, summer band camps (I can play flute, french horn and percussion, too), and even simple practicing for such things. When all of these fluffy white seeds go flying through the air in June and the temperatures start to rise, people switch on fans, fire up air conditioners, and open windows. Actions like these bring on the sneeze.

As a senior in high school, my piano teacher and I constructed a "final recital" for the end of that year. In June, of course. Public schools run until the end of the month here and start after Labor Day. Off to college in the fall with a strong cache of piano pieces and techniques under my belt. My teacher taught at a local college, and was "prepping" me for the collegiate music world, I guess. Anyway, I remember playing Chopin's Prelude in D-flat Major Op. 28 No. 15, nicknamed "The Raindrop Prelude." What a piece. And, it goes with the weather around here (see past posts for more on that)! Each section of this piece is fun to play as a pianist. Chopin's writing, as well as Brahms' and Debussy's, FEEL good to play. All knew how to write for the pianist while writing idiomatically for the piano itself. Good stuff.

ANYWAY, my parents, other assorted relatives, neighbors (who had heard this stuff streaming from my parents' house for over a decade), friends, boyfriend, teachers and whoever else graciously came (I always throw "big" events) and it turned out to be a lot of fun and a great experience. Including the now oft-told "sneeze" incident just as the "stormy" section of Chopin's little piece had begun.

I could feel the first tickles in my nose just as I started playing the opening melody for the second time. Thank goodness I had that thing memorized. I had the music up there, though, a practice that would disappear in college. I sat on the stage, poised and pretty and still playing away, and for the next 10 measures or so, tried desperately to wiggle my nose in a way that would eliminate the sneeze--or at least delay it!--while not drawing attention to the fact that I was doing this at all. Not easy. I am nothing if not a multi-tasker.

It hit just as Chopin's storm did. I had no recourse but to keep on keepin' on, holding those quarter notes steady with the left hand while the storm raged in my right and then, suddenly, out of my nose and mouth as well. I turned away from the audience, sneezed as if it was my last day on earth, kept playing, turned back to the music, then sneezed again. And again. Things come in 3s, they say.

I'm not sure what most people remember about my performance of that piece. I hadn't stopped at all and when I finished, I stood, turned to the audience, bowed, and then looked at their faces. Smiles all around, tremendous applause, and much chuckling (in a friendly way, I'm sure).

I won't even go into the events that arose in my nose during the Mozart piano sonata that followed...

I want my sexy back

2008-06-09T08:46:00.002-04:00

This is annoying, although that's not the most positive sentence to start a new week. I'm feeling very positive and it's warm and a Monday and all of that, but one thing about this weekend has traipsed its way into the workweek:

I'm doing errands on Saturday and trying to be as efficient on my route as possible while "hypermiling" my ass off and just trying to get these errands done so I can go home and go swimming. I'm suddenly struck by the urge to listen to Justin Timberlake's track "SexyBack." Whatever your feelings about the JT, there cannot be much debate about how hot and wonderful this particular song is. Not in my car, at least (*smile*). I start looking in the door storage areas of my car and find the CD case for this album (yes, I bought the CD. I'm that old.) Open it---no CD. "Hmmmmm," me thinks. So I go to my 100 CD book under the seat and attempt to flip and drive, but I'm starting to get nervous because I very rarely put official CDs in there...they are mostly playlists, burned somethingorothers, etc. No JT. I'm not far from home so I throw on the city's radio station most likely to play this track or something like it, 101.1. I sit through Kelly Clarkson and a Kenye track but what I'm REALLY doing is wracking my brain and getting increasingly agitated. I probably needed more coffee and some kind of food in my system (happy hour the night before lasted until midnight), and for some reason this was not an "oh well. It will all work out" moment for me. These things happen from time to time.

I FINALLY get home, leap from my car through the front door to my CD rack and find the first JT solo record because maybe the second one is in there. AND IT'S NOT.

At this point, I sat for a moment, aggravated because now, where the hell am I going to find this CD if it's not in my tried-and-true succession of potential places, huh? Grrrrrr. I'm still a bit miffed at myself.

One day when it DOES turn up, it will seem like a shock to come across its hiding place. But then, of course, I WILL remember putting it there, and feel like a goofball. And not a sexy one, either.

*Sigh*

14 things to do today before I leave the house to do yardwork at my parents' house. The Diss is calling......what a life!!!!??!!??!!!

Fun on Friday

2008-06-06T08:32:00.003-04:00

Lots to do today. Many different tasks that I foresee segmenting my day into various chunks. After writing this post, I'm going to tackle de-winterizing my house. Boots, heavy coats and big sweaters will get the big heave-ho into storage til the fall, and flip-flops, sandals and tank-tops will take their place. Make way for summer!

When I was a little girl, while taking piano lessons and becoming aware that I really, raelly really really dug it, I dreamed of being a meteorologist. I soon discovered that I didn't really want to have the job of a meteorologist, but I just wanted to know everything about weather and how it worked. So, I began getting weather books from my public and school libraries and gleefully learning about vergas, cumulus clouds and barometer measurements. Even now, my "Handy Weather Book" sits in my sun room in case I need to better understand what's hap'nin on the outside. Everyone has their hobbies, I guess.

Buffalonians, I think, are somewhat obsessed with weather. It's that weird habit that happens everywhere in which you walk into a 7-11 or a bank or someplace and you immediately tell strangers how you feel about the weather. "Can I deposit this check, and wow! It's really raining out there!" as if the person behind the counter or standing next to you doesn't already know this. But in Buffalo, the weather so strongly influences our behavior that it's like an old and unpredictable crazy friend that you love dearly but never know what's going to happen when they're around. I've noticed that bad weather doesn't often change our behavior here in The Buff, though. Tailgating parties for the Bills occur in hurricane winds, picnics are never stymied by a spring snow shower (yes, it snowed in May this year....but just a little bit and it didn't accumulate!), etc. The weather, I think, is actually a source of pride for Buffalo even while we are still best known for blizzards and other winter weather madness. We're tough little suckers around here, you betcha.

Which brings me to my day. It's going to be HOT, like 90 degrees, and this has occurred rather suddenly so it will feel strange. The humidity is high. By the way, ten days ago, the high for the day was 49, so it shouldn't be a shock that I still have boots and coats and scarves lying around. But this afternoon, some friends are coming over for happy hour to go swimming (I have a heater, and yes, I am aware of my June gas bill. A girl's gotta have fun sometimes regardless of the future, yes?) and hang out before we go watch a baseball game at the park (men's league....hee hee). This will be the first swim of the year, and it really wouldn't be complete if next to the beach towels there sat a fleece vest or a wool hat, now would it? And since it's 73 degrees right now and not 90 degrees, it's best to get this stuff done before noon. I borrowed my dad's weed wacker (I love saying "weed wacker") and sidewalk edger (the worst and most awkward of yard tools) to put the finishing touches on my yard.

Then, I will sit in the sun and do some reading. I haven't read my book reviews from JAMS or JSAM or the IASPM journal in a while and I have a friend's Diss Proposal to read as I continually fidget with mine, so that will be an hour or two well spent before the girls get here. Not much Diss writing today probably, but that's what Monday is for.

This morning in my emailbox, AMS sent a call for papers for a publication celebrating the 75th birthday of Arvo Part. He is one of my favorite composers. Of all time. And he's still living and writing! I just created an Arvo Part playlist in iTunes because it will make me very very very happy to be doing all of this stuff while listening to Part. I wrote a paper in grad school about his "Cantus in memory of Benjamin Britten," and it may turn into this day's "one-repeat" song. His penchant for the cello is so luscious and extraordinary, and I have a recording of "Fratres" arranged for 12 cellos. A dozen cellos! It's like hot fudge on vanilla ice cream. Especially on a 90 degree day.

Music to my ears

2008-06-05T07:03:00.002-04:00

When I moved back to Buffalo after grad school, it had been 13 years since residing here. I visited quite often during that time, but I also explored the western side of the country and lived the kind of crazy that comes with life in your 20s. Deciding to bite the bullet and move back "to the Buff," as I like to call it, rather than throw my seedling CV into the national job search hurricane stemmed from several reasons (many of which, I'm sure will be the subject of future posts). One of the top entries on my Pros and Cons of Moving Home list was the environment and look and sound and feel of this part of the country. Another was that I was simply sick of moving and feeling up in the air, and I wanted to go home and stay there. Come hell or high water. (note: in Buffalo, the weather could actually bring both of these things....ha ha).

This morning I've been sitting on my back patio drinking coffee and getting ready to write. It's early. Being in writing mode always gets me out of bed quickly. I've been home almost a year to the day and in my house 10 months. On 64 occasions since last June, give or take, my little voice has said, "What the hell have you done?" My current theory is that moving back home as a relocation scheme is 64 times harder than plopping down in a new locale. Familiarity is good but it comes with expectations. After 13 years, lots of changes occurred around here. Some good, some bad. My expectations for myself of how easy, fun, refreshing, etc. it would be to come home and how quickly I'd feel home have been put through the wringer, too. So many times throughout the year I've said to myself and to many other people, "Ya know, I finally feel like I'm home." Well, sometimes I've full of shit, even when talking to myself. It's been very very very very difficult and very very very very rewarding. Often simultaneously. But today, June 5, 2008, in front of God and whoever else, I actually do feel at home.

My backyard right now sounds like a tropical jungle of some sort. I live in a suburb of Buffalo, and it's the one I grew up in. I don't live far from my parents, and I have traveled paths through these streets a bazillion times (oh! I have a great Pres. Bush joke about "bazillion," if you are interested). My town is lush in many areas....creeks, old trees, lots of green spaces bursting with springtime among the cul de sacs and subdivisions. It has character. A wildness to it.

Anways, it's just after sunrise, a little hazy with the promise of sun and heat later, and the birds are singing as if they know it will be their best day ever. And they are in my backyard. Presumably, they are in my neighbors' yards as well, but I'm being overly dramatic until the caffeine kicks in and works its magic.....anyway, I'm realizing that I feel no reason to believe that these birds will suddenly stop their outlandish singing or not be in my backyard as long as I own this house. I'm not going to use crazy chemicals or fertilizer or cut down my trees or any such behavior to antagonize these creatures, so therefore I can determine that I will have many many many more moments like this one now that I am home. And damn, that feels good.

Composer/philosopher John Cage challenged the popular/easy/contrived definition that "music is organized sound." This definition permeates so many different circles that I've heard it (and maybe even said it) by all walks of life. It's a good definition to start with, but it is LOADED with potential land mines. Cage found many of them. I am not a Cage scholar, by any means, and I know one particular grad student friend of mine at Harvard who is a "Cage-ian." Good for him because what many people know about Cage has been boiled down to the same trite phrase as "music is organized sound." Cage's most infamous work is 4' 33". The gist is that Cage (or someone) sits at a piano/on stage for that length of time--four minutes and thirty-three second--"doing nothing." The ensuing "music" derives from the sound of the audience, the outdoors, whatever as it occurs naturally--coughing, planes flying, sneezing, a-hem-ming, and presumably, birds singing. Birdsong is already organized to them and to people who study birds and want to know their songs. They are songs. For them. On my patio, I can discern patterns and call-response behavior, and I can certainly tell when the blue jays are being threatened by the crows (or vice versa. Those blue jays are tough!).

But I'm not interested in patterns and songs right now. I'm in the middle of performing Cage's piece, aren't I??? Right here in my own backyard.

Diss day

2008-06-04T07:34:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, being June and all, I began compiling information for the second chapter of my dissertation. This one contains a "history" of Buffalo, New York and details events, people, performances, music societies, economic decisions, population patterns and other interesting (and diverse) tidbits that will inform the three chapters to come. It also contains a Lit Review of the historical work already published on Buffalo's history. I'm enjoying it. I did so much research during the last year--but didn't write it out in a narrative text--that these next few weeks represent a cleaning out of my dissertation closet....sorting charts, maps, newspaper articles, published articles and books, and so on. So, in a way, it's just as cathartic as the stuff I've been doing around my house since the end of the semester a few weeks back...sorting clothes, shoes, bills, moving my yard around, landscaping. This familiarity of tasks but the alteration in content makes me feel oddly satisfied, like this is what I should be doing this time of year whether it's getting rid of bad grammar and finding a logical flow in the chapter's organization or getting rid of bad weeds and finding the logical flow of things in my garage.

This chapter begins with the thoughts of cultural theorist Raymond Williams. He discusses the term "history" in his book Keywords: A Vocabulary of Culture and Society. Williams' writing always impresses me. It's very clear but thoughtful. Anyway, as I try to write a "history" of Buffalo, I begin with Williams as he addresses the problems inherent in the term "history" itself, especially from a postmodern point of view (which is my POV, for sure). His best phrase is, "History itself retains its whole range [of experiences], and still, in different hands, teaches or shows us [his emphasis] most kinds of knowable past and almost every kind of imaginable future." What a wonderful idea, the "different hands" part. It takes some, not all, burden from my mental shoulders as I try to sift through my material to present the best history that I can come up with and not the complete history (which is not possible, right?).

Off to write until this afternoon when I teach eight piano students. Sounds like a good day. I guess someday, maybe one or two of my students will eventually say, "Ya know, I had a piano teacher once who..." and hopefully I'll be a positive part of his or her "knowable past."

June is here!

2008-06-03T07:33:00.004-04:00

Since my launch of the blog a few weeks back, I completed many tasks except posting to my new and shiny blog. *Sigh*. These things happen, and the start of a new month brings the start of many new adventures, yes?

I wrote about diversity last time as I graded papers and closed out another semester of college teaching. I re-read that post and can sense the weariness in my voice, weariness now dissipated (thanks June!). I graded everything, sent papers/tests/grades to students who wanted them mailed, turned in my grades electronically, which is very convenient, and proceeded to clear the air a bit. And, I attended to my home office. By the time I was done with grading and turning in a chapter of my Dissertation to my adviser, also electronically, my office looked like a bomb hit it. Today is a new chapter (literally as well as figuratively) for the Diss, and all elements are a-go for whatever comes my way. Yahoo!

Diversity....I can comment on the diversity of the weather here in Buffalo for a moment as spring twists and turns, explodes and retreats, howls and wimpers. Today is one of those comfy cozy days. The rain was gentle, unlike the half-hour blast from the sky Saturday afternoon, and I had my window open so it woke me up early. Fresh as a daisy. The forecast for the next week alludes to days and days of 80s with sun (but it's hard to promise such fortunes in these parts...). My goal is to swim in my pool this weekend. The wind all the time makes the sun's job harder, and my tomato plants are workin' to stand tough. The wind is the worst weather. Of all weathers. Even snow is ok without the wind....not in June, though!

Anyway, I've been diverse in my activities since I'm in "catch-up" mode from all choices left dangling but not entirely forgotten during the academic year. I vowed to listen to all sorts of music from my CDs and itunes library while putzing around here in the 'burbs. Oddly, this was the exact opposite of what my listening habits became over the past few weeks. With the help of my Nano and the "repeat-one" button so widely available on all of my audio players, I became obsessed with playing one of three songs over and over and over and over. Do you do this? It comes in spurts. This was one of them. Now, one day last year my adviser commented to me that my heavily researched and edited paper on Pearl Jam grew out of a "commitment" to the band's 17-year career rather than an "obsession" of it. Ha ha!!! It was a funny moment, since it seems anything can be said in a way that makes it OK to listen to one damn song over and over and over and over...so here are my three musical "commitments" from the past few weeks along with my own quasi-rationalization of why they have stopped musical diversity around here in its plucky little tracks:

"Apologize" by OneRepublic/Timbaland.
Of all things, Archie from American Idol refueled my love for this song which, to be honest, had waned since around St. Patrick's Day. "AI" strikes again, but holy canoli! That duet with this band and David Archuleta was pretty good. I love the leadsinger's voice (OneRepublic's, not Archie's), how he goes into the falsetto on every rendering of "too laaaaaaaate" except the last two times when he just belts it out and adds "Yeeee-aaaaaaaaah." The consistent drum loop is highly addictive, and there is a piano on this track and a string-ensemble arrangement to boot! Whoo-hoo for acoustic instruments! Thanks Timbaland!! Mostly, though, I love this song because it fits perfectly in MY vocal range---especially in the car, with the Nano, over and over. Those last two vocal phrases....cathartic!

"Let It Die" by Foo Fighters
Mmmmmmmmm. Dave Grohl. Enough said. No, just kidding. I will absolutely use this wonderfully aggressive, dense and strange track in my classes next semester to demonstrate "polyphony." Having thrown the Nerd Card into a pop music discussion, I'll digress back into my committed fandom....I think Dave Grohl has some of the best ears for melody not demonstrated by pop music in a very very long time. Tori Amos has them, too. Grohl, as a songwriter, can weave a snippet of a guitar lick into the main theme of the song's final climax, as he does in this song. The opening guitar line becomes the chord structure for the end of the song. His melody for "do you ever think of me/you're so considerate," introduced after the early two verses of the song, comes from a HARMONIC guitar line heard right before he sings that very phrase! A foreshadow!!! All of these beautiful wrinkles of melody simply erupt into vocal/harmonic POLYPHONY at the end of the song. All at once, all mixed together, but equally strong and solidly heard. Dammy damn.
And Grohl seems to have found a band to handle his melodic ju-ju (or would that be "foo-foo"......sorry....). His bass player can, while always locked-in-the-pocket where a good bass player is most needed, find interesting chord tones off the beaten path of simple harmonic structure. This is not extremely odd for a "good" bass player, but this makes him "great" to me. I appreciate just that little extra creativity on the low end. Makes me smile. See, he does this first "Do you ever think of me" about 2:52 into the song, and it sounds slightly funky, with a groove. He weaves in and around the root of third and fourth chords making the result very juicy yet unstable (these, of course, are the words used most in musicology to describe such things....smile....) but then goes to the roots for the NEXT repeat of this text/melody making the two refrains different but just a tiny bit! It's all in the little things, I guess. Especially when burned deep in the noggin after a week or so. Go Foo!

"Awakening of Cheerful Feelings Upon Waking in the Country," Symphony No. 6 in F, movement 1 by Ludwig van Beethoven.
This is only about a 10-minute movement making it perfectly manageable for the "one-repeat" button. Beethoven gave specific titles to his music very sparingly. This symphony, "The Pastoral," comes out of my library every spring because I haven't heard much else--ever--that can capture a title of a work better than Beethoven's writing for this piece. My moment in this selection happens about 7:45 into it (on my CDs, the Karajan ones). The opening material has returned again, and that signals that this wonderful, amazing music is going to move toward the end of the movement. The now-familiar melody says its time to prepare to push toward a final cadence, the big endings that Beethoven loves. But right here, Beethoven delays any traditional expectation of "how to wrap things up, now" by pushing the melody into higher and new territory with the full strings and high winds. The melody just soars, briefly, then STOPS on this pinnacle, and (oddly enough) begins to repeat that note seven times before dipping slightly, returning, repeating again. The whole orchestra is stuttering here in this repetitive rhythmic (agitated?) gesture. Then it traces a slow, slow, descent back to where it was. As if nothing happened!!!! It's astonishing. Triumphant. It can only be heard to me this way, I think, because of Beethoven's title, because it allows me hear the sheer power and obsessive tenacity of "spring." And, June is here, isn't it.

What is great about popular music in 2008?

2008-05-20T07:13:00.004-04:00

This is the question that my Popular Music Survey students answered last on their final exam. It was designed as an open-ended question, and the only way for them to really get it wrong was by not answering the question. In the total scheme of points and grading and all of that, it wasn't worth much toward their overall grade on the exam. But from time time, I like to offer moments at the end that, after all the other perfunctory questions and essays, my students can use to think about the class material and express thoughts applicable to their own musical lives. Call it a "warm fuzzy," if you will.

I debated using the word "great" but chose it over "positive" or "good" or "worthwhile" and others. Musicology wrestles with "great" for many great reasons, but I feel that it can be great to simply use "great" once in a while. You can never have too much positive thinking...

Two main themes emerged from my students' answers as I graded their exams: it is great that popular music today is diverse and that it is easily accessed. Students in this class are undergraduate juniors and seniors. I've easily got a decade-plus on them which puts my experience of music in 2008 in a hazy, rosy, nostalgia for music from my past--what it was like back in the good ol' days of 1998 or even 1988. *sigh* I wasn't surprised by their appreciation of easy access to music today, and they gleefully blaze past me in their navigation of and awareness of HOW to gain access to whatever they want. But most answers alluded to a variety of popular music. Interesting.

Anyway, the meaning of diversity for my students had been demonstrated to me on the last day of class a week prior to the final exam. It hadn't been planned that way necessarily but was the outcome of a group exercise to wrap up the semester. My textbook did a strange job of talking about music "today," a fault I find common among historical surveys in general, so we took matters into our own hands. Each student brought in a song released between 2000 and 2008 to play in class. When they introduced the song, they had to explain how it represented something about popular music between 2000 and 2008. Simple as that. Every student brought something, and we started chronologically and worked through the decade (so far). I have the luxury of small classes so time wasn't an issue. We listed everything on the board, and selections ranged from Fall Out Boy, Kelly Clarkson, Sisqo, Mary J., Pearl Jam, Kanye, The Hives, and...I, unfortunately, neglected to actually write the list for myself...others.

Diversity. It's a big, tricky and ubiquitous term for Generation PC. It may just beat out "great" as far as the multiplicity of interpretations it carries. I think my students recognize the different ways that music sounds today, that not everything is rock, that the mainstream really doesn't exist, that everything matters (especially when it's so accessible!), and so on. Everyone knew the Britneys, but few seemed especially tied to genre or style or even that concerned about it. As one student said, "It's all good." Hadn't heard that one in a while....

I quickly realized that maybe I have grown comfy and cozy within my own music collection and need to start spending time investigating the sounds of music in 2008 and less the theories and debates about music in 2008. This is time that I have to create somehow in days already bursting at the seams...but that will be a post for later.